Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

on his day off,chuck norris was watching the tv.he then saw a trix cereal commercial.enraged,he crapped out the trix rabbit and then roundhouse kicked it in the face.


one day,chuck norris teamed with hulk hogan to take on macho man randy savage and andre the giant.chuck won,pinning all three of them.


one day,chuck norris had sex in a car.some of his semen got into a gas tank and that car is now known as optimus prime.
Posted by Someone  on  Mon Apr 30, 2007  at  12:57 PM
All the Chuck Norris facts and jokes:
http://www.jokehell.com/chuck-noris-jokes/chuck-norris-jokes.html
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Mon May 14, 2007  at  01:20 PM
There is no "death by natural causes", there are only people who have not meant Chuck Norris

There is no "death by natural causes", there are only people who chuck feels have lived long enough

There is actually a 6 star crash test rating for surviving a collision with Chuck Norris, needless to say there are no vehicles with this rating

The plural for dice is die, the same is true of Chuck Norris

There is no plural form of Chuck Norris's Name

Q. Which came first the chicken or the egg A. Chuck Norris

Ask any question Chuck Norris is the Answer

Chuck orris once divided by zero, there were no survivors

When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence, do not use a period, because nothing can stop Chuck Norris

When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence the end of the sentence must read, and there were no survivors.
Posted by Bobby  on  Mon May 21, 2007  at  02:27 PM
Once, Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. He jumped infront of Lee Harvey Oswald and absorbed all three bullets with his beard. JFK's head exploded in sheer astonishment.
Posted by Anonymous  on  Sun May 27, 2007  at  01:06 AM
1. Chuck Norris doesnt fantasize about sex, sex fantasizes about Chuck Norris.

2. If Chuck Norris was a firefighter, he would not have to fight the fire, the fire would have to fight Chuck.

3. Chuck Norris doesn't go for a run, the run goes for a Chuck Norris.

4. It doesn't take Chuck Norris any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

5. Chuck Norris is so good at sex he can give himself a reach around.
Posted by The boys on AZ-PNF E-31  on  Mon May 28, 2007  at  12:45 AM
when chuck norris was born the doctor went to smack his ass and died of a roundhouse kick before he made contact proof that chuck never cried "sorry cancer patients"
Posted by bwhittak  on  Wed May 30, 2007  at  03:33 AM
chuck norris kills more people than smoking.

On day zero Chuck Norris created GOD>
Posted by norman  on  Sun Jun 10, 2007  at  01:48 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't feel pain, pain feels Chuck Norris.

Jesus isn't really dead he's just hiding from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died in 1873 but Satan and God were both too afraid to take him.

The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

In WWII Chuck Norris jhizzed onto a Nazi sub and it created a gaping hole that sunk the ship, there were no survivors except for his sper, which is why there are Geat White Sharks.
Posted by Boner For Chuck, Ryan M.  on  Mon Jun 11, 2007  at  06:39 PM
Noone is perfect. Chuck Norris is the opposite of negative perfect.
Posted by Will  on  Thu Jun 21, 2007  at  01:32 AM
Chuck Norris got owned by Bruce Lee. Remember that
Posted by JS  on  Wed Jun 27, 2007  at  09:19 PM
Putin gave Chuck Norris some polonium tea. He has been drinking it ever since.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  12:56 AM
The devil wears Prada. Chuck Norris made him.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  01:04 AM
Why is Kayser Soze always hiding? Chuck Norris.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  01:23 AM
When Chuck Norris enters a room the lights turn on by themselves, Chuck doesnt need light, light needs Chuck.
Posted by matt bailey  on  Tue Jul 17, 2007  at  02:52 AM
once while walking through town chuck norris got a massive boner, there were no survivors
Posted by lil checko  on  Mon Jul 23, 2007  at  03:49 PM
To everyone saying stuff like "So what, is he gonna kill me now?" The answer is yes. Hence, why they are facts and not jokes.

And it has nothing to do with the fact you question him. Technically, humans could live forever...but Chuck Norris is what makes us die...not cancer, not old age...Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the world every month.. They bleed for a week afterwards.

Anyways...I don't know why I wrote this, the people who wrote those messages died mere seconds after clicking submit.
Posted by Batmanners  on  Thu Jul 26, 2007  at  06:15 AM
chuck norris is the dominate species!!
Posted by Laranara  on  Thu Aug 02, 2007  at  01:47 PM
what the first person said is entirely true. This page was the third result. out of over 4,000
Posted by alex  on  Sun Aug 05, 2007  at  02:39 AM
The folks over at tchirts.com got a rolled up newspaper snap to the nose for attempting to assist Chuck with his newfound hardcore internet idolatry. Is it possible that Chuck Norris
Posted by Lazlo'sBasement  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  10:31 AM
chuck norris can get black jack in one card
Posted by Raj  on  Mon Aug 20, 2007  at  01:33 PM
Chuck Norris has clogged a toilet just by peeing into it.
Posted by MickyT  on  Wed Aug 22, 2007  at  08:17 PM
Chuck Norris on the war on drugs: if you want to get high, just let me kick you in the ass.
Posted by rpcarnell  on  Fri Aug 24, 2007  at  04:08 AM
Someone once said that superman was better than Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris proved him wrong by not only flying around the world, he flew around so fast he reversed time to before the guy made the comment and roundhouse kicked to the face.
Posted by david  on  Mon Aug 27, 2007  at  03:09 AM
Chuck Norris created Eve when he roundhouse kicked Adam in the ribs.
Posted by chris  on  Sat Sep 08, 2007  at  01:30 AM
a unicorn once tried to kick chuck norris. that is why they no longer exist.
Posted by jimmy da kee  on  Wed Sep 19, 2007  at  07:02 PM
I LOVE CHUCK!
Posted by Jen  on  Sun Sep 23, 2007  at  01:33 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZU_d05uD1k

Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked.
Posted by Roddy  on  Tue Sep 25, 2007  at  03:30 AM
It's a fact that Chuck Norris lost a fight to either Bruce Lee or Jet Li I'm not sure witch
also I put in Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked got about 195000 results seems to happen quite a bit
Posted by Derik  on  Thu Oct 18, 2007  at  09:07 AM
Chuck Norris never breaks a string when he plays guitar. Never. That's because he can play without the strings.
Posted by Roddy  on  Fri Oct 19, 2007  at  07:25 AM
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
Posted by Justin  on  Fri Oct 26, 2007  at  08:27 AM
CHUCK NORRIS KICKS ASS. BUT I ALSO LIVE IN EAST DALLAS AND CHUCK NORRIS NEVER DID ANY OF HIS REAL STUNTS. HE AHD STUNT DOUBLES DO ALL OF THE FIGHTING IN MY EYES HIS SHOW IS AWSOME BUT HE IS A PUSSY IN REAL LIFE
Posted by piuzzwall  on  Sat Oct 27, 2007  at  09:09 AM
Chuck Norris won three hundred fights undefeated, these three hundred men were the SPARTANS, which meant that their training was complete. Also the only reason the SPARTANS lost the battle of thermopylae, was because Chuck Norris was late.
Posted by Bradford Jackson  on  Sun Oct 28, 2007  at  09:24 AM
All U Haters Quit Runnin Yer Cocksucker. I Say That Only Because I Care. Dont U Know Chuck Norris Reads This Stuff?
Posted by cuddles  on  Sun Oct 28, 2007  at  10:56 PM
Chuck Norris can kiss - my - ass. I told him to be at Kansas by noon and you know what? He didn't show. What a pussy. He knows I'll kill him..
Posted by ChuckxxKiller  on  Fri Nov 09, 2007  at  04:50 PM
http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck



1. Open google.com

2. Type: ' google Chuck Norris '

3. Hit: 'I feel lucky
Posted by Pickwick  on  Fri Nov 16, 2007  at  02:48 PM
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris
Posted by chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not becaus  on  Sat Nov 17, 2007  at  11:24 PM
When God said, "Let there be light," Chuck Norris replied, "say please".
Posted by chuck norris  on  Mon Nov 19, 2007  at  06:09 PM
Jesus was not conceived by the holy spirit, he was conceived by chuck norris.
Posted by ramon ayala malo  on  Wed Nov 21, 2007  at  10:03 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't take steroids, steroids take Chuck Norris
Posted by Nathan  on  Sun Nov 25, 2007  at  04:00 PM
One day a Chuck Norris fan asked Chuck Norris for an autograph. Chuck Norris preceded by roundhouse kicking him in the face, killing the fan. The morning after the funeral the family visited the grave site only of find the tombstone signed
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Wed Dec 05, 2007  at  03:46 PM
chuck norris doesnt chuck, he fucks
Posted by john  on  Fri Dec 07, 2007  at  09:12 PM
As legend has it, if you scratch your balls, then rub Chuck Norris's beard while calling him a panzy. You will become the smartest man alive. Then so that all is made right the universe will correct it's self and knock you down a peg. Don't believe me ask Steven Hawkins.
Posted by Courtney  on  Thu Dec 13, 2007  at  08:33 PM
Those are Used jokes this is origonal.The red sea is red because Chuck Norris Lived there For 0000000001 Sec.The reason why u Float in the red sea is because is becaus Chuck Norris wants to "Hide" the evidence.The FBI already Knows Their just to scared to tell Chuck.
Posted by IreshMan 37  on  Thu Dec 27, 2007  at  05:24 PM
When Chuck Norris walks, he isn't moving forward, but spinning the earth with his feet. With this, Chuck Norris inspired the log-run and the treadmill.
Posted by Matux  on  Thu Jan 03, 2008  at  02:53 PM
People always wonder what would happen if chuck norris was black

Its simple, if chuck norris was black white people would have been the slaves
Posted by TJ  on  Thu Jan 17, 2008  at  07:14 PM
Chuck Norris once ran 10,000 mph... in slow motion.
Posted by FredFredBurger  on  Sat Jan 19, 2008  at  11:33 PM
In 1972 a man asked Chuck Norris after the release of Way of the Dragon "what was it like to get your ass kicked." He was promptly round house kicked so hard that he was the first object to leave the solar system not Pioneer 10. Chuck Norris just lets all of us believe that Pioneer 10 was the first.
Posted by Jon  on  Thu Jan 24, 2008  at  05:06 PM
Chuck Norris pees sitting down because he can!
Posted by Bribo  on  Fri Jan 25, 2008  at  05:54 AM
When a werwolf looks at a full moon he turns into Chuck Norris!
Posted by REUBEN STEVENS  on  Tue Jan 29, 2008  at  11:28 AM
People pray to god, God prays to Chuck Norris
Posted by DITES  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:13 PM
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