Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

Sakano, I am guessing that was directed towards me. Let me say this. YES! There IS a need. Although, I wouldn't call it "bitchy". I would call it being annoyed over Jokes that are reiterated. Now, Im sorry if you enjoy Walker Texas Ranger, but Chuck Norris is a funny guy and he doesn't even know it. Ask Conan O'Brian.

Sorry little girl I didn't realize you liked jokes being repeated and repeated and repeated. Do you want me to repeat that? I will.
Posted by Carter S  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  11:33 AM
Oh, I got a new joke today! :D My friend told me this one.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Sakano  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  12:34 PM
but you also have to remember... chuck noris sucks.
Posted by Unknown  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  11:16 AM
Chuck Noris' tears can cure cancer... its too bad chuck noris never cries.

(these are so stupid :rollseyes:)
Posted by Unknown  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  11:18 AM
i got 128000 results...
Posted by erik  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  01:44 AM
Sakano Said: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris"


Wayne King Hard said: "chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

and

Chris Fitch said: "chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


Wow, these are some pretty smart people. They all seem to think a like. Too bad Sakano was the last one to post that. It seems Sakano can't really think for her self. Too bad.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  10:07 AM
God, some people are such pathetic whiners. Don't you see that you're the only one who gives a shit, Carter S?

Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with.
Posted by Ace  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  10:23 AM
oooooo! good one Ace!

"Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with"

NAH!... Really? Sakano did that to push my buttons? Your quick.

"God, some people are such pathetic whiners"

hmmm...I wonder who's whining now? Take a guess Ace.

Actually little girl, I don't give a shit. You see, as you said, "small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with" You got that right ACEY!

ahhh, *laughter
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  11:54 AM
Hey guys, here's an idea. Don't feed the troll. Just ignore Carter S and he'll go away, like most trolls do when they don't get attention.
Posted by Pwned in California  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  12:09 PM
Thanks for the attention Pwned in California!

But, but if you don't feed me I'll go away. NOOO!

ahhhhh *laughter

Don't feed me and I won't feed you.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  01:43 PM
It was acutally because of Chuck Norris that Mary got pregnant.
Posted by dan demers  on  Wed Mar 01, 2006  at  04:06 PM
chuck norris waits and wathes for you who question his ass kicking powers
Posted by cole  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  06:19 AM
chuck norris died ten years ago, death is to afraid to tell him
Posted by brad  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  11:24 PM
...Chuck Norris invented the sea-section when he round-house kicked his way out of the womb
Posted by ?????  on  Mon Mar 06, 2006  at  12:44 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by J  on  Tue Mar 07, 2006  at  01:10 PM
chuck norris once slept with and entire covenant of nuns 20 years later the champion miami dolphins were created
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:17 PM
chuck norris recently had the idea of seling his urine as a canned bevrage. We know this drink as Red Bull.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:19 PM
chuck norris never missspells a word. if he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:25 PM
"chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice."
Posted by the king  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  04:06 PM
The reason 12:00 flashs on your VCR is because Chuck Norris sneeks into everyones home and round-house kicks it....

and he is the only one who can stop it.
Posted by person#2  on  Thu Mar 09, 2006  at  07:35 PM
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. So if you mess with Chuck Norris, then you will have to go through Chuck Norris.
Posted by Name Here  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  10:33 AM
Chuck Noris Likes to kniting sweaters in his spare time and by kniting I mean kicking and by sweaters I mean babies
Posted by Joe Kickass  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  06:48 PM
i googled "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" and got 324,000 results... grown alot since december 05 when it was about 30
Posted by joe  on  Sun Mar 12, 2006  at  04:07 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by GFORCE  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  10:01 AM
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding...
Posted by SilverTalonā˜¼  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  11:01 AM
to all you dick fucks who think chuck norris was trained by bruce lee, he wasnt, he was trained to his low level of martial arts capabilities and the Bruce Li Martial Arts Academy, a common martial arts school around the country
Posted by joe  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  06:34 PM
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Posted by BamfManiac  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  07:15 PM
you people are so pathetic
Posted by your mom  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  09:10 PM
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a tree in a forest, EVERYONE hears it fall!
Posted by S&S  on  Wed Mar 15, 2006  at  03:50 AM
Ever heard of a little place called the Grand Canyon? Chuck Norris makes love to it. Nightly.
Posted by Tek Jansen  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  04:11 AM
:ahhh: chuck norris wantas to get you!

remember kids.. when chuck norris farts entire cities are destoryed
Posted by bob  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  07:36 AM
Chuck Norris never wears a condom. There is no such thing as protection against Chuck Norris.

If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.

There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
Posted by ice9  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  02:08 PM
chuck noris dosent read books. he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
Posted by mason  on  Fri Mar 17, 2006  at  07:26 AM
:down: you guys can be such online drama douchebags.. just tell some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Posted by Dab  on  Wed Mar 22, 2006  at  04:21 PM
shutup or i'll put you on my kill list, then you'll be dead. roundhouse kick and out.
Posted by chuck norris  on  Sun Mar 26, 2006  at  04:32 PM
Of course they had to kick the snot out of everyone! All "action" movies are like that.My all-time favorite was the " Kung-Fu" TV show starring David Carradine. He was a skinny little Chinese monk, very spiritual, but then some braying jack-ass of a cowboy would just CROSS THE LINE and Mr. Peaceful would have to POUND HIM, very peacefully of course!
Posted by Champy45  on  Wed Mar 29, 2006  at  03:25 PM
Cuck norris uses 8 / 12 pieces of ply wood to whipe his ass
Posted by GT Ward  on  Sun Apr 02, 2006  at  01:42 AM
OHh Yehhh, Chuck Norris. The only man to ever slam a revolving door. Chuck norris doesnt chew on pop rocks, he chews on Bullets.
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:34 PM
In the begining of time, before all else, God said let there be light, and of course Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:38 PM
this is for you topic creater
http://chucknorrisfansretarded.ytmnd.com/
Posted by topic creator is dumb  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  09:20 PM
hmm i searched for Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked on google it came up with 495,000 results...
Posted by Idunno  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:15 AM
Castor Troy owns Chuck Norris' soul.
Posted by pollucks  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:05 PM
chuck norris doesn't t-bag girls......he potatosacks them
Posted by harry knutzack  on  Mon Apr 17, 2006  at  05:02 PM
Click the link, these are a lot like Chuck Norris facts but animated, weird.

http://www.doctordelicious.com/littleknownfactsmain.html
Posted by rebusjoe  on  Wed Apr 19, 2006  at  02:36 AM
Wow, the fact thet anyone could possibly perceive that something stating "The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of Dodgeball Chuck Norris Played in second grade" is actually serious is a serious loser. You don't get out much, do you RAMcHYLD? You Know that weird yellow thing in the sky every time you go get Bawls before dark? That is the sun. Maybe if you saw it more often, women would not run in fear of you.
Posted by Sinnfeinster  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  06:28 AM
Get over yourself, Sinnfeinster. It was a joke, get over it.
Posted by Dan  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  12:10 PM
Chuck Norris is the only human being that Bill O'Reily of The O'Reily factor will agree with. It's not that Chuck Norris is right about everything. It's because, Chuck Norris controls the media and, therefore he controls Bill O'Reily. Before, the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:25 PM
Some people think that comets come from outerspace and, are responsible for bringing the building blocks of life to Earth. In reality comets are actually kidney stones that Chuck Norris passed many years ago but, they are responsible for life as we know it.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:40 PM
Long ago there was nothingness and, Chuck Norris didn't have anything to roundhouse kick so, he created the universe. In closing, the meaning of life it self is to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. End of story.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:50 PM
Chuck Norris once challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck Norris remains undefeated.
Posted by Crystal  on  Mon Apr 24, 2006  at  10:53 PM
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