Forever Fresh Bread

85-year-old Gladys Wagner purchased a loaf of bread from her local convenience store on November 10, 2006. When she got back home, she cut off two pieces from it to make a sandwich. Then she rewrapped it in its bag and put it in her cupboard. The next day she went to live with her daughter for the winter, forgetting about the bread. But amazingly, when she returned home in the spring, THE BREAD WAS STILL FRESH! There wasn't even any mold on it.

Ever since then, the bread has sat on a shelf in her daughter's home, refusing to go stale. Finally, Gladys contacted the media about it. The academic community is at a loss to explain this miracle bread. The Canadian National Post reports:
Koushik Seetharaman, a University of Guelph professor, said Ms. Wagner appears to have accidently achieved a goal that has eluded many researchers.
"We've been working to create breads for NASA's shuttle program that last that long and haven't succeeded," he said yesterday.
The company that baked the bread speculates that the bread might have frozen during the winter, but they have no explanation for why it would still be fresh. They insist there's nothing unusual in the bread.

Sounds to me like Gladys should try selling her loaf of bread on eBay. Though it would fetch a higher price if it bore an image of Jesus or the Virgin Mary, in addition to being forever fresh.


Posted on Mon Aug 06, 2007



LADYSLAWN - His Dad did it, his Mom did it, and now Willy B. Dunn has fullfilled his dream of squeezing a fresh loaf on a national news show.
Appearing last week on the Donna Dress Distraction Hour, shown weeknights from 7pm to 11pm on all MOX News affilliate TV stations, Willy displayed his longtime talent of squeezing bread through the wrapper to determine its freshness.
"It's all in the wrist," commented Willy to host Donna Dress. "Mom told me when I was a small child, that someday, if I pinched a fresh loaf everyday, I could really go places."
"Of course, a good whiff of the product always helps, but it's really in how you squeeze it that makes the difference. I've never brought home a stale one yet," added Willy who works at Butt-Crust Bakeries in LarryVille.
Willy's appearance on the DD Distraction Hour was part of a week-long series on small-town heroes that MOX News has been running throughout the month of September, seen locally on BIG MOX Channel 129, of Maizeing, New York.
Trying to duplicate Willy's talent, host Donna soon gave up, claiming she had been up all night at a MOX NEWS talking-points seminar, and was too pooped to pinch.
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Mon Aug 06, 2007  at  10:37 AM
I'm going to help this woman out. Yes, she should put it up for sale on eBay. The name of the auction should read:

The Immaculate Confection

Don't thank me. Just throw money.
Posted by Cranky Media Guy  on  Tue Aug 07, 2007  at  02:46 AM
Oddly enough, the cabinets above the bread shelf are pyramid-shaped, and the house is situated on a known intersection of Ley lines.
Posted by JoeDaJuggler  in  St. Louis, MO  on  Tue Aug 07, 2007  at  01:31 PM
this just in: Somewhere in that lady's closet, sits a draped painting of the loaf of bread, portrayed as green, moldy, and nearly sentient.
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Tue Aug 07, 2007  at  05:29 PM
I would pay one million dollars to eat a single slice of this immortality bread!
Posted by Caio  in  Canada  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  12:59 AM
LOL, Hairy! Best comment in ages...
Posted by outeast  in  Prague, Czech Rep  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  07:28 AM
I don't know if it qualifies as "fresh," but I've got part of a loaf of "vollkornbort" that I brought home from Germany in 1989.
I just never got around to eating it, and after a couple of years I realized that it had not molded or spoiled; it was just sort of fossilized or mummified or something. It's hanging above my sink as sort of a sculpture right now. It still looks exactly like a thick slice of dark bread, just as it did the day I bought it at the bakery.
Posted by big Gary  in  Punkin Center, Texas  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  05:59 PM
Whoops, that should have been "vollkornbrot."
I have no idea what "vollkornbort" is.
Posted by Big Gary  in  Punkin Center, Texas  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  06:01 PM
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