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Chuck Norris Facts
Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.
CelebritiesFolklore/Tall Tales
Posted by The Curator on Fri Jan 13, 2006
the movie where he dies is called "way of the dragon"
Posted by matty h.  on  Sat Jan 28, 2006  at  12:20 AM
Chuck Norris doesn't eat breakfast, he forces it into submission.
Posted by miguel  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  08:31 PM
The only reason Canada still exists is because Chuck Norris needs a place for his dogs to crap.
Posted by jimbo  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  08:37 PM
Hamas recently made a commitment to destroy the nation of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Shelby Q. Durmstrang  in  Germany  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  04:18 PM
anyone can piss on the floor, but chuck norris can shit on the ceiling
Posted by daniel  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  09:17 PM
I stayed at the Embassy Suites once in Atlanta, where Chuch was also staying (promoting his book). I was just outside my room talking to a friend, and he was walking by, on his way to check out. Just him, his wife and the bellman. To tell you the truth, he looked tired. I kept on talking to my friend - not that I was scared of being punched out, but more that he probably appreciated that he could make it past someone WITHOUT being asked for an autograph. My summary: in real life, he's a real guy.
Posted by Brent  on  Sun Feb 05, 2006  at  11:45 PM
Hmmm.... Looked at the list and spotted the on were you Google "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked."

The current count is now up to 212,000, maybe more after I posted this. And go figure, the second link lead me to this page. :D
Posted by Atomic G  in  Maryland  on  Sun Feb 12, 2006  at  05:47 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by Meggie  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  06:58 PM
Actually.
I think they meant if you google images.

Because if you type in "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" in the images, it returns 0 results.
Posted by Beth  in  Ohio  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  11:25 PM
I have spent the last tree weeks of my life searching chuck norris jokes and i have succesfully documented 568,342 jokes so far...i think that is as far as i will go. wink and all that i have learned is...chuck norris is one bad dude. and the only thing that can kill him is nuck chorris, which is the equalivalent of the antichrist.
Posted by Duke Rio  in  Chucknorissiville  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  10:01 PM
o yeah one time chuck norris's girlfriend once asked him...how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? He replied...how dare tou rhyme in the pressance of chuck norris...DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK!!!, and with that said he round house kicked her in the face instantly killing her...3 years, 2 months an 7 days later he relized the irony of what he had said and laughed so hard that everybody in a 10 mile radious went deaf.(i put that one into circulation a while ago)
Posted by Duke Rio  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  10:08 PM
Yes.
Killing his girlfriend.
How droll.
rolleyes
Posted by Boo  in  The Land of the Haggii...  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  05:45 AM
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Posted by chris fitch  in  va  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  08:03 PM
You're number one champ!

One of the facts on the page reads "If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen."
Posted by wazza  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  06:21 AM
If you google search chuck norris getting his ass kicked, and you click images, there will be no results!
Posted by madi  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  09:21 PM
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris
Posted by wayne king hard  in  neva land  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  03:57 PM
Chris Fitch said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


then three posts later.........

Wayne King Hard said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

Let me reiterate that for all of you:

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because Chuck is scared of the dark, but Because the Dark is scared of Chuck Norris.

I hope all of you can sleep peacefully, now that it was restated three times. Sweet dreams.
Posted by Carter S  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  10:03 PM
Is there really a need to get bitchy over Chuck Norris jokes?
Posted by Sakano  in  Ohio  on  Mon Feb 20, 2006  at  08:53 AM
the only thing to fear is not fear itself
Posted by kc  on  Wed Feb 22, 2006  at  08:32 AM
Chuck Norris Doesn't Dial 911... 911 dials Chuck Norris!
Posted by Goldfingaz  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  11:51 AM
Sakano, I am guessing that was directed towards me. Let me say this. YES! There IS a need. Although, I wouldn't call it "bitchy". I would call it being annoyed over Jokes that are reiterated. Now, Im sorry if you enjoy Walker Texas Ranger, but Chuck Norris is a funny guy and he doesn't even know it. Ask Conan O'Brian.

Sorry little girl I didn't realize you liked jokes being repeated and repeated and repeated. Do you want me to repeat that? I will.
Posted by Carter S  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  01:33 PM
Oh, I got a new joke today! :D My friend told me this one.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Sakano  in  Ohio  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  02:34 PM
but you also have to remember... chuck noris sucks.
Posted by Unknown  in  in my head  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  01:16 PM
Chuck Noris' tears can cure cancer... its too bad chuck noris never cries.

(these are so stupid :rollseyes:)
Posted by Unknown  in  in my head  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  01:18 PM
i got 128000 results...
Posted by erik  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  03:44 AM
Sakano Said: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris"


Wayne King Hard said: "chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

and

Chris Fitch said: "chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


Wow, these are some pretty smart people. They all seem to think a like. Too bad Sakano was the last one to post that. It seems Sakano can't really think for her self. Too bad.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  12:07 PM
God, some people are such pathetic whiners. Don't you see that you're the only one who gives a shit, Carter S?

Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with.
Posted by Ace  in  Georgia  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  12:23 PM
oooooo! good one Ace!

"Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with"

NAH!... Really? Sakano did that to push my buttons? Your quick.

"God, some people are such pathetic whiners"

hmmm...I wonder who's whining now? Take a guess Ace.

Actually little girl, I don't give a shit. You see, as you said, "small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with" You got that right ACEY!

ahhh, *laughter
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  01:54 PM
Hey guys, here's an idea. Don't feed the troll. Just ignore Carter S and he'll go away, like most trolls do when they don't get attention.
Posted by Pwned in California  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  02:09 PM
Thanks for the attention Pwned in California!

But, but if you don't feed me I'll go away. NOOO!

ahhhhh *laughter

Don't feed me and I won't feed you.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  03:43 PM
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