Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3134723&st=0
Posted by Sakano  on  Fri Jan 20, 2006  at  02:54 PM
Were the first "random facts" about Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel?
Posted by Solitary  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  08:07 AM
hurricane katrina was not a natural disaster chuck norris was practicing his round house kicks and sent a giant gust of wind to lousiana
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:16 PM
the eye of the hurricane is infact chuck norris performing his deadly roundhouse kick
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:20 PM
the oceans are really chuck norris's penis imprints when he got tired of carying he sets it down and the holes fill with water
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:24 PM
Chuck Norris mated with piemanthe3rd.
Posted by Jack Oneill  on  Tue Jan 24, 2006  at  01:12 PM
Actually there are 99,800 search results for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked". LOL, like it ever happens. =)
Posted by Ben Goldschmidt  on  Wed Jan 25, 2006  at  06:01 PM
Actually.. If you've ever seen Bruce Lee movies, I forgot which one, but in one of them Chuck Norris gets killed by Bruce Lee after they fought for like an hour. Bruce Lee didn't even break a sweat.
Posted by infernohit  on  Thu Jan 26, 2006  at  01:14 AM
It's called acting. And in those days he was training under Bruce Lee himself, so he hadn't surpassed his former master yet. Legend has it when Bruce Lee died, Chuck Norris absorbed his spirit to form the powerful killing machine he is today.
Posted by Dan  on  Thu Jan 26, 2006  at  01:30 AM
i loved the walker texas ranger lever Conan had. I crack up just thinking about it.
Posted by Greggy  on  Fri Jan 27, 2006  at  05:58 PM
the movie where he dies is called "way of the dragon"
Posted by matty h.  on  Fri Jan 27, 2006  at  10:20 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't eat breakfast, he forces it into submission.
Posted by miguel  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  06:31 PM
The only reason Canada still exists is because Chuck Norris needs a place for his dogs to crap.
Posted by jimbo  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  06:37 PM
Hamas recently made a commitment to destroy the nation of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Shelby Q. Durmstrang  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  02:18 PM
anyone can piss on the floor, but chuck norris can shit on the ceiling
Posted by daniel  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  07:17 PM
I stayed at the Embassy Suites once in Atlanta, where Chuch was also staying (promoting his book). I was just outside my room talking to a friend, and he was walking by, on his way to check out. Just him, his wife and the bellman. To tell you the truth, he looked tired. I kept on talking to my friend - not that I was scared of being punched out, but more that he probably appreciated that he could make it past someone WITHOUT being asked for an autograph. My summary: in real life, he's a real guy.
Posted by Brent  on  Sun Feb 05, 2006  at  09:45 PM
Hmmm.... Looked at the list and spotted the on were you Google "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked."

The current count is now up to 212,000, maybe more after I posted this. And go figure, the second link lead me to this page. :D
Posted by Atomic G  on  Sun Feb 12, 2006  at  03:47 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by Meggie  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  04:58 PM
Actually.
I think they meant if you google images.

Because if you type in "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" in the images, it returns 0 results.
Posted by Beth  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  09:25 PM
I have spent the last tree weeks of my life searching chuck norris jokes and i have succesfully documented 568,342 jokes so far...i think that is as far as i will go. 😉 and all that i have learned is...chuck norris is one bad dude. and the only thing that can kill him is nuck chorris, which is the equalivalent of the antichrist.
Posted by Duke Rio  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  08:01 PM
o yeah one time chuck norris's girlfriend once asked him...how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? He replied...how dare tou rhyme in the pressance of chuck norris...DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK!!!, and with that said he round house kicked her in the face instantly killing her...3 years, 2 months an 7 days later he relized the irony of what he had said and laughed so hard that everybody in a 10 mile radious went deaf.(i put that one into circulation a while ago)
Posted by Duke Rio  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  08:08 PM
Yes.
Killing his girlfriend.
How droll.
:roll:
Posted by Boo  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  03:45 AM
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Posted by chris fitch  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  06:03 PM
You're number one champ!

One of the facts on the page reads "If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen."
Posted by wazza  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  04:21 AM
If you google search chuck norris getting his ass kicked, and you click images, there will be no results!
Posted by madi  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  07:21 PM
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris
Posted by wayne king hard  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  01:57 PM
Chris Fitch said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


then three posts later.........

Wayne King Hard said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

Let me reiterate that for all of you:

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because Chuck is scared of the dark, but Because the Dark is scared of Chuck Norris.

I hope all of you can sleep peacefully, now that it was restated three times. Sweet dreams.
Posted by Carter S  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  08:03 PM
Is there really a need to get bitchy over Chuck Norris jokes?
Posted by Sakano  on  Mon Feb 20, 2006  at  06:53 AM
the only thing to fear is not fear itself
Posted by kc  on  Wed Feb 22, 2006  at  06:32 AM
Chuck Norris Doesn't Dial 911... 911 dials Chuck Norris!
Posted by Goldfingaz  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  09:51 AM
Sakano, I am guessing that was directed towards me. Let me say this. YES! There IS a need. Although, I wouldn't call it "bitchy". I would call it being annoyed over Jokes that are reiterated. Now, Im sorry if you enjoy Walker Texas Ranger, but Chuck Norris is a funny guy and he doesn't even know it. Ask Conan O'Brian.

Sorry little girl I didn't realize you liked jokes being repeated and repeated and repeated. Do you want me to repeat that? I will.
Posted by Carter S  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  11:33 AM
Oh, I got a new joke today! :D My friend told me this one.

Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Sakano  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  12:34 PM
but you also have to remember... chuck noris sucks.
Posted by Unknown  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  11:16 AM
Chuck Noris' tears can cure cancer... its too bad chuck noris never cries.

(these are so stupid :rollseyes:)
Posted by Unknown  on  Sun Feb 26, 2006  at  11:18 AM
i got 128000 results...
Posted by erik  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  01:44 AM
Sakano Said: "Chuck Norris sleeps with a nightlight, not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris"


Wayne King Hard said: "chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

and

Chris Fitch said: "chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


Wow, these are some pretty smart people. They all seem to think a like. Too bad Sakano was the last one to post that. It seems Sakano can't really think for her self. Too bad.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  10:07 AM
God, some people are such pathetic whiners. Don't you see that you're the only one who gives a shit, Carter S?

Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with.
Posted by Ace  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  10:23 AM
oooooo! good one Ace!

"Sakano only retold that joke to push your buttons because small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with"

NAH!... Really? Sakano did that to push my buttons? Your quick.

"God, some people are such pathetic whiners"

hmmm...I wonder who's whining now? Take a guess Ace.

Actually little girl, I don't give a shit. You see, as you said, "small-minded idiots are fun to fuck with" You got that right ACEY!

ahhh, *laughter
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  11:54 AM
Hey guys, here's an idea. Don't feed the troll. Just ignore Carter S and he'll go away, like most trolls do when they don't get attention.
Posted by Pwned in California  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  12:09 PM
Thanks for the attention Pwned in California!

But, but if you don't feed me I'll go away. NOOO!

ahhhhh *laughter

Don't feed me and I won't feed you.
Posted by Carter S  on  Mon Feb 27, 2006  at  01:43 PM
It was acutally because of Chuck Norris that Mary got pregnant.
Posted by dan demers  on  Wed Mar 01, 2006  at  04:06 PM
chuck norris waits and wathes for you who question his ass kicking powers
Posted by cole  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  06:19 AM
chuck norris died ten years ago, death is to afraid to tell him
Posted by brad  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  11:24 PM
...Chuck Norris invented the sea-section when he round-house kicked his way out of the womb
Posted by ?????  on  Mon Mar 06, 2006  at  12:44 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by J  on  Tue Mar 07, 2006  at  01:10 PM
chuck norris once slept with and entire covenant of nuns 20 years later the champion miami dolphins were created
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:17 PM
chuck norris recently had the idea of seling his urine as a canned bevrage. We know this drink as Red Bull.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:19 PM
chuck norris never missspells a word. if he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:25 PM
"chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice."
Posted by the king  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  04:06 PM
The reason 12:00 flashs on your VCR is because Chuck Norris sneeks into everyones home and round-house kicks it....

and he is the only one who can stop it.
Posted by person#2  on  Thu Mar 09, 2006  at  07:35 PM
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