Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the
Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
Chuck Norris
is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.
Comments
-The only hand which can beat a straight flush is Chuck Norris'.
-Chuck Norris has the best poker face of all time: he beat the 1983 poker worls series holding only a joker, a get-out-of-jail-free monopoly card, a two of clubs, a seven of diamonds and a green four from UNO.
Of course Chuck is beyond human. I've seen a couple of posters here that have said things like "Chuck Norris sucks" or even "Chuck Norris is one of the greatest". I'm pretty sure they're dead by know. Chuck have mercy.
Posted the 18th Chucktober, year 66 A.C.N.(after Chuck Norris)
http://www.fightingmaster.com/masters/brucelee/master.htm
http://www.pointsincase.com/ anti_chuck_facts.htm
This for any one who has ever watched Walker Texas Ranger."If you have ever noticed, Chuck's hat never falls off therefore defying gravity. This is because Chuck Norris is gravity. duh!
"Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face
Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door.
Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition
Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way.
As a teen, Chuck Norris had sex with every nun in a convent tucked away in the hills of Tuscany. Nine months later the nuns gave birth to the 1972 Miami Dolphins, the only undefeated and untied team in professional football history
Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris"
Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.
Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill.
According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday
When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing
In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.
Chuck Norris's show is called Walker: Texas Ranger, because Chuck Norris doesn't run.
Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol
Remember:Chuck Norris giveth,Chuck Norris Taketh away.
(original postingas far as I can find)
Meditate on this.
😊
😊
😊
😊
Chuck Norris can make music with an air guitar.
Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you 25 hours a day.
Chuck Norris once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.
Chuck Norris named the group Sha Na Na. They did NOT want to be called that...
If you drop a phonograph needle on Chuck Norris's nipple, it plays the theme-song to Armageddon.
Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
Once Chuck Norris went looking for a bar and he couldn't find one. Finally he found a vacant lot and said, 'Here we go.' He sat there for a year and a half
one day,chuck norris teamed with hulk hogan to take on macho man randy savage and andre the giant.chuck won,pinning all three of them.
one day,chuck norris had sex in a car.some of his semen got into a gas tank and that car is now known as optimus prime.
http://www.jokehell.com/chuck-noris-jokes/chuck-norris-jokes.html
There is no "death by natural causes", there are only people who chuck feels have lived long enough
There is actually a 6 star crash test rating for surviving a collision with Chuck Norris, needless to say there are no vehicles with this rating
The plural for dice is die, the same is true of Chuck Norris
There is no plural form of Chuck Norris's Name
Q. Which came first the chicken or the egg A. Chuck Norris
Ask any question Chuck Norris is the Answer
Chuck orris once divided by zero, there were no survivors
When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence, do not use a period, because nothing can stop Chuck Norris
When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence the end of the sentence must read, and there were no survivors.
2. If Chuck Norris was a firefighter, he would not have to fight the fire, the fire would have to fight Chuck.
3. Chuck Norris doesn't go for a run, the run goes for a Chuck Norris.
4. It doesn't take Chuck Norris any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.
5. Chuck Norris is so good at sex he can give himself a reach around.
On day zero Chuck Norris created GOD>
Jesus isn't really dead he's just hiding from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris died in 1873 but Satan and God were both too afraid to take him.
The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
In WWII Chuck Norris jhizzed onto a Nazi sub and it created a gaping hole that sunk the ship, there were no survivors except for his sper, which is why there are Geat White Sharks.