Vampire Sites

Here's a couple of vampire-themed websites sent in by visitors. First we have the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency. According to the blurb on the site, "From 1868 to 1975, the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe." And next we have The Temple of the Vampire. If you want to live forever, then all you have to do is join the temple. The catch is that in order to join you have to buy their book, The Vampire Bible. That's a good sales gimmick. I should try something like that for my book, such as if you want to achieve a state of absolute enlightenment, then you have to buy my book.


Posted on Wed Oct 29, 2003


Sorry, that second link is here:
Posted by Nahshon  in  Nowhereville  on  Fri Mar 05, 2010  at  04:43 PM
@Square Peg -

I don't know what your beef is with me, but it's starting to border on obsession. I answered your questions and listed sources. You provided lame excuses for your refusal to look at them and continue to whine and accuse me of not backing up my claims.

Interacting with you proving to be a waste of my time.

I have given you all of the sources that were most important and that would answer all of your questions regarding the CoS/ToV/ToS connection.

Unless I had a tape recorder on hand, I cannot prove private conversations I've had with certain people. I just put that information out there and it's up to each individual who reads it to decide how he/she wants to take it. Again, you can either throw it away as bullshit or take it into consideration. That is all.

I didn't have to know the identity of the posters here to benefit and learn from their information. Their anonymity do not make their claims less valid to me. All I had to do was compare their info with my experiences as well as others I know who went through the same to put the pieces of the puzzle together. And it all fits perfectly.

You see no evidence of the Church of Satan being damaged by the ToV, you say?

Take a look at the 54 pages and hundreds of posts from CoS members and non members alike who are not happy with The Church of Satan. That's a lot of people. Ever since LaVey died, the CoS has been taken as a joke and it's largly due to it's association with the Temple.
Posted by The Green Fairy  on  Fri Mar 05, 2010  at  06:55 PM
Green Fairy;

The Church of Satan is no joke. Not to its loyal members. No more than it was when it began.

I told you what my "beef" was with you. Our conversation ended when you refused to tell us how you know the things you claim to know. My other objections are logged here for all to see and judge. I'll relieve you of my "obsession" and be on my way after one last thought:

Anonymity is a remarkable thing; It makes cowards fearless because it lets liars escape without blame. But it is never permanent
Posted by A Square Peg  in  A Round Hole  on  Fri Mar 05, 2010  at  10:03 PM
Private calling yourself a satanist,while denying there is a Real Satan is just like calling yourself a Christian and yet saying you don't believe in Christ.
Face it LaVey started that we don't believe in a literal Satan,but you are going to have to face this single Fact pre- anton LaVey Satanist(i.E.the real deal) believed ina literal Satan!!!!!!
Posted by Joseph  on  Sat Mar 06, 2010  at  08:17 AM
Private calling yourself a satanist,while denying there is a Real Satan is just like calling yourself a Christian and yet saying you don't believe in Christ.

I understand that some feel this way; however, the confusion and contradiction you perceive will dissolve once you understand that Satanists (what you may call LaVey Satanists) have chose to define what the devil is to themselves by their "own definition". I realize this frustrates many; yet, as our own gods and redeemers, we choose the labels and definitions that we feel work best for us. This is how we feel so accept this or go do your own thing.

As said a thousand times to those who refuse to listen or believe lies, Satanists are not inverse Christians, Devil Worshipers or Spiritual Satanists because those are their labels and beliefs. I suggest that the reader read the Satanic Bible if one wants to understand how we define Satan and Satanism.

Second, rather than trying to "explain Satan into existence" with fancy mystical words or subjective testimony, can you "objectivly" prove Satan is a real? So PROVE IT and don't expect me to believe you.

Face it LaVey started that we don't believe in a literal Satan,but you are going to have to face this single Fact pre- anton LaVey Satanist(i.E.the real deal) believed ina literal Satan!!!!!!

Sorry, I will not face anything that I have no solid evidence for or take what you are saying on faith. However, I do find agreement with what I find the Church of Satan accepts as Satanism.

As for me, no so-called undead Gods or the Devil has ever physically popped into my room wearing a name badge with the name Satan on it.

I don't mean to sound like a jerk yet its just that I have never met him and require proof and I am not going to join a cult and pay money to get it. If this so-called Devil was real then I would need no mediator, priest, or High Priest of Satan because he would prove it His Self to me.

Furthermore, even if something did reveal its self in a "physical form" I would still question that experience and not take it at face value like so many do after sharing their so-called experiences.

And, hypothetically, if he was real then I am sure he would be a perfect gentleman and not the bloodthirsty baby killing terrorist asshole Yahweh is. Lol!

Anyway, this is not the appropriate forum to discuss or debate the topic you brought up here.

I do suggest that the curious reader read the Satanic Bible and visit the Church of Satan website where all of your questions will be answered. I also suggest that Christians who are going to have an opinion about Satanism do the same BEFORE having an opinion about Satanism.

So, what are your feelings about the Temple of the Vampire? Do you believe it is a hoax?
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Sat Mar 06, 2010  at  12:43 PM
This is my last comment on this topic brought up by another forum user yet I felt this needed to be said.

Face it LaVey started that we don't believe in a literal Satan,but you are going to have to face this single Fact pre- anton LaVey Satanist(i.E.the real deal) believed ina literal Satan!!!!!

Let me jump into your paradigm for a second and pretend that you were right and, at one time, agree with you that he did believe in a Devil.

So have any of the proponents of this "he believed in a Devil" argument wonder why he stopped representing this belief or stopped believing in Devil himself? I think if you read the Preface to the Satanic Bible and parts in the Satanic Bible saying "satan is a symbol" you will find your answer.

Have any of you who believe this ever considered that he eventually came to the same conclusion that I have about a so-called real Devil and that is why the Church of Satan is what it is today?

In my opinion, I am sure he was curious and "wondered" in his youth many times if the Devil was real yet the Satanist in him overcame the self-delusion or trap of blind belief like all real Satanists.

I trust he had many experiences yet it is amazing he was able to not fall into the trap of blind-belief and mysticism "on his own" like so many do after their subjective mystical orgasms of experience.

Do you know what I think saved him? DOUBT! I ask the reader here to look for that word in the Satanic Bible.

If you are right, I think he may have used the power of his own knowledge from the occult, science, psychology and philosophy to fully understand what was REALLY going on instead of listening to all of the prattling faith-based non-sense/assertions from mystics and believers. In other words, in the true Promethean spirit of Satan--he thought for his Self instead of believing in their beliefs about the gods, devils, heavens or hells.

And I don't blame him or the CoS for not sharing this with everyone, hypothetically, IF it was true, because it is not relevant to his definition of Satanism or to his final conclusion about the Prince of Darkness. And, of course, the stupid would use this "he used to believe in a Devil" as a license for blind belief in his organization because the sheep would do it just because he did it.

If this was so then this is a perfect example of the strength of a true Satanist's mind when it comes to dealing with the popular beliefs this world pushes onto the herd of the so-called "normal" man.

In LaVey's own words, The Nine Satanic Statements from The Satanic Bible,
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Sat Mar 06, 2010  at  01:46 PM
I'm sorry Joseph. Not only is your comment completely off-topic (this is a forum for discussion of the Temple of the Vampire, after all), but you have failed to provide proof for your claims. Without proof, I call BS.

The Church of Satan was the first above-ground ("official") satanic organization. They get to define "Satanism," not you.

So, unless you have something meaningful to add to the discussion, just STFU and GTFO.

(NOTE: Before anyone brings it up, the Ophite Cultus Satanas, or "Our Lady of Endor Coven," founded by Sloane in 1948 was Gnostic, not satanic.)
Posted by Nahshon  in  Nowhereville  on  Sat Mar 06, 2010  at  02:33 PM

Here is some more discussion in another forum about the ToV:
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Sat Mar 06, 2010  at  02:36 PM

"We discovered a subtle secret about death and human consciousness long ago, allowing us to develop a particular kind of technology that has long been called magic. As a result, the legends of vampires, gods, faeries, angels and many other supernatural entities have their roots in our Family's past.

However, just as primitive cultures view modern technology as magical, human beings refer to our practices as supernatural out of ignorance. What we do is far from supernatural. We simply understand truths that remain hidden to the rest of humanity."

Taken from.....well I won't say where..
Posted by Rupert  in  Sin  on  Mon Mar 08, 2010  at  02:14 PM
How would one respond to a comment like this:

"From time to time we have lifetime members who decide that they are in contact with the "real" Undead Gods and attempt to splinter off with a new interpretation of the Teachings.

These people are simply deluded.

We always follow our motto to "Test Everything. Believe Nothing."

Those who do not follow the explicit Teachings and requirements set out and approved by the authentic Leadership of the Temple lack validation.

A patient in a locked psych ward may believe he is Jesus Christ. Those who hold the keys to the ward do not agree.

We hold the keys."

What is being said here is that these "teachings" are not valid unless they are sanctioned by the "aunthentic leadership".

So even though you can read the instructions they are not valid unless you have the idea of the Undead Gods imprinted on your dome!


I say that your claim is false and that your theats are idol.

I believe that your teachings are garbage and even if there was anything of any substance there, I could apply them and use them as I wish, without fear of reprisal....

Take that to the bank....

Hail Satan!
Posted by Rupert  in  Sin  on  Mon Mar 08, 2010  at  02:23 PM
um . . . . Hail Satan . . .
Posted by George Carlin  on  Tue Mar 09, 2010  at  08:00 PM
Yes, Hail Satan or whatever.
Posted by Joan Jett  in  Black Toad  on  Tue Mar 09, 2010  at  08:03 PM
Yea man - Hail Satan man!
Posted by Slash  in  Pickton  on  Tue Mar 09, 2010  at  08:05 PM
Yes, Hail Satan or whatever.
Posted by Joan Jett in Black Toad on Tue Mar 09, 2010 at 07:03 PM
Yea man - Hail Satan man!
Posted by Slash in Pickton on Tue Mar 09, 2010 at 07:05 PM

If you don't have an opinion about The Temple of the Vampire in this forum then you are either a troll and/or flamer.

And trying to make fun of Satanists here has nothing to do with the topic and doesn't hurt the Satanist's feelings at all.
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Wed Mar 10, 2010  at  10:29 AM
I've seen posts like that deleted by our gracious hosts here at Museum of Hoaxes, although some may think that this discussion isn't Moderated, it is very much so...

All the same, I know where snide remarks like that derive from.

Too a point it's expected.

Hail Satan!

Hail EiS!
Posted by Rupert  in  Sin  on  Wed Mar 10, 2010  at  01:38 PM
I don't think the Temple of the Vampire is a ripoff, but I ultimately found it unsatisfying. I returned to Christianity where I now give lots more money (by choice) than I ever gave ToV. I have no hostility for ToV, it just wasn't for me in the end.
Posted by FormerMember  in  USA  on  Thu Mar 11, 2010  at  10:53 AM
"I have no hostility for ToV, it just wasn't for me in the end."

I don't think anybody expects you to have any hostility towards the plastic-fangers.

That's not what this conversation is about, it's not about people figuring out that something is not for them and whether or not they harbor resentment after the fact.

It's about the relationship that exists between the ToV and the Church of Satan, and how the ToV belief system is contradictory to what is stated in TSB.

In the meantime, I think you should up your tithe to your church, I think that your pastor would appreciate it.
Posted by Rupert  in  sin  on  Thu Mar 11, 2010  at  11:57 AM
In my opinion, I am interested in hearing all ex-members or those who think it is a hoax opinions about the Temple even if their opinions disagree with mine. However, I do feel childish name calling and personal attacks detract from the content here.

I do enjoy the discussions about the ToV/CoS association as well as other viewpoints related to whether or not the ToV is a hoax.

Here is something I ran across on the net today:

I do recognize a lot of these names in the testimonials here as testimonies of Temple Adepts.

I do find it very suspicious that they have to post these stories to try to recruit members.

When is the last time you heard of a worldwide secret society of GODS trying to recruit members with infomercials (like on Youtube) and now product testimonies? *chuckles*

I think this makes the Temple look very, shall I say, "desperate". smile

And I laugh to myself remembering the Temple nitpicking some members for minor petty issues yet made a God out of a whiskey drinking fan of Motley Crue--seriously. Lol! This is just too much and almost comical... smile

Just wait, once you get inside, all of this lovey-dovey being embraced by the Family BS you read in these testimonies flies out the window real quick for some.

JOIN THEM! cool grin
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Thu Mar 11, 2010  at  02:00 PM
@Private -

Those testimonials sound so bogus. They are all pretty similar and mimic Nemo's style of writing. Perhaps he edited them.

I don't know how things are now, but I recall members of a ToV cabal tell me that in order to move up in rank (along with paying your way in) you have to write a testimonial of your experience with the teachings for every grade you are applying for. And since most people know what the Temple is looking for after having read The Vampire Bible, most fake their way up the ranks.

This is the only religious organization that I know of besides Scientology that uses quirky testimonials the way one would advertize on an infomercial. rolleyes
Posted by The Green Fairy  on  Thu Mar 11, 2010  at  07:24 PM
There's even sappier testimonials somewhere else on the member-only forums. It reads like self-help crap ("The Temple helped me to quit smoking..."--as if you didn't have the guts or willpower to do it yourself before you got in the Temple). TheAbysmals' testimonial, "Voluntas Vitaeviternus," is particularly disgusting in this respect.

And you're right, Private. Nearly all those people are Adepts (Prometheus, AEnigma, AngelVamp, Devilmaycare, Yamatu, Solomon, 2Faced_Babydoll, TheAbysmal, Rosa_Mundi, Inanna, Thos, Nykterion, Draven, Gibor [who I've seen out spamming websites as a temple rep], Ninth_Cimmerian, Izazel).

I really do wonder about these peoples' mental health.
Posted by Nahshon  in  Nowhereville  on  Thu Mar 11, 2010  at  08:54 PM
It does sound like someone is a good copywriter. smirk

Furthermore, the big difference between the ToV and CoS is that the CoS does not proselytize or suggest that its members spam forums for converts.
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Fri Mar 12, 2010  at  12:14 PM
"Of course, at this point you do not know what we know to be true. You do not know that the Undead are real.

However, lack of knowledge does not change anything.

At best, when someone steals from the Gods and then Calls to Them, then They will not answer.

At worst, They will."

Here's a fun one, plastic-fangers trying to warn against reading "unauthorized" copies of the vb.

I wonder who this is......????

Could it be....the Omen!
Posted by Rupert  in  Sin  on  Fri Mar 12, 2010  at  12:31 PM
""Voluntas Vitaeviternus," is particularly disgusting in this respect."

Nahshon I couldn't agree with you more....

I saw this guy get blasted on LttD for trying to mimick Nemo's writing style...

It was hilarious!

Posted by Brian  in  Sin  on  Fri Mar 12, 2010  at  12:33 PM
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Fri Mar 12, 2010  at  03:32 PM
". . . . .you are either a troll and/or flamer.
However, I do feel childish name calling and personal attacks detract from the content here."

Make up your mind Private.
Posted by Witness  in  Iceland  on  Sat Mar 13, 2010  at  09:37 AM
"Make up your mind Private."

Lol! I hear you. smile

Ohh Well! tongue rolleye They are probably snickering at us puny humans and bragging to each other about making us their slaves so we are both even. LOL
Posted by Private  in  Private  on  Sun Mar 14, 2010  at  05:39 AM
I was a TOV member for over five years. I attained the title of Adept and gave them over $800 during this period.

Then one day, not long ago, I decided to "test everything, believe nothing"...and found that it was all a big lie. It was just me in the mirror.

Do you want all the Temple "secrets" revealed?

I'm selling all the bibles and books.
Posted by Lu Yang  in  The West  on  Tue Mar 16, 2010  at  02:25 AM
Where do you intend on selling them? I'm fairly certain they go after the people who try to sell them on eBay. (Just so you're aware of that).

In any case, I'm sorry you lost so much time and effort involved in the ToV. May I ask what you were doing the whole time before you actually decided to "Test Everything. Believe Nothing."? Were you just pretending? Do you think the other Adepts were pretending as well?
Posted by Nahshon  in  Nowhereville  on  Tue Mar 16, 2010  at  12:48 PM
"Do you think the other Adepts were pretending as well?"

That's a very good question.

I would venture to say that there are Adepts that are pretending (for the sake of the profit) and some who are completely bamboozled!

What do you think, Pretending or Bamboozled?

"Is it not all a Labyrinth ?

From the moment we are born, we are shown the walls of our surroundings. The rooms, the halls, the staircases. The floor, the ceiling.

We are shown which paths to take, which turns to avoid, which doors to open and which to leave closed. In time we may decide for ourselves the paths we take, which may or may not be what was planned for us.

We learn to open doors. Metal doors, wooden doors, creaky doors, sturdy doors, blocked doors, open doors, locked doors. Removable stones, drapes, hatches, windows, grates and oubliettes.

Sometimes we open doors that we were told to avoid. Sometimes we see a passage where others did not look. Every now and then a curtain may hide half of the room we are standing in. Hallways may lead to doors we never knew existed.

At times we will find directions. Left behind by those who have gone before us, or by those who also dwell in the Labyrinth.

We may choose to follow these directions, or not. They may lead us where they say they will, or not. They may led to a dead end, or to a door we are unable to open. Or they may go on forever.

Time and again, or perhaps only once, we may find an ancient map, or a symbol, or a feeling, that promises to release us from this Labyrinth. We may feel an unexpected wind on our face. We may see Another running down a faraway corridor. We may hear a rapping from an adjacent hallway. A door may swing open when no-one is near.

And if we follow the lure of this experience, we may discover that it leads to a mirror.

One that we can pass through.

And we learn that we are not the only dwellers in the Labyrinth. And that the walls and doors should not confine us.

We learn that the Labyrinth has levels we have never seen before. We learn how to move around in those levels, as well as how to shift between them.

We learn to understand the Labyrinth, to move more swiftly to where we want to be.

We discover hidden shortcuts, crawlspaces, and optical illusions. We learn to walk through the walls. To open doors without touching them. To leave traces of where we have been, or to remove them as needed.

We learn to manipulate the Labyrinth, to bend it to our expectations and desires.

And we learn that it is we ourselves who created this Labyrinth. That there is no need to solve it.

It is not a puzzle.

We need but to stop creating it."
Posted by Rupert  in  Bogota  on  Tue Mar 16, 2010  at  02:48 PM
Yeah. eBay. So far so good and I have some good offers on the stuff. I mean, as far as I know, I paid for the stuff so it's mine and I can do whatever I want with them.

Yes, I guess I was pretending. Or as they would call it. "suspension of disbelief". And I am sure that goes for all the others.
Posted by Lu Yang  in  The West  on  Tue Mar 16, 2010  at  02:59 PM
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