Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

When the boogyman goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for chuck norris! haha I effin heart Chuck Norris
Posted by Shellz J  on  Sat Jan 27, 2007  at  11:22 PM
Chuck Norris locks hes door, not because hes afraid of burglars, but burglars are afriad of Chuck Norris

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Posted by jhedm`  on  Mon Feb 05, 2007  at  04:48 AM
If Chuck Norris forgets to set his alarm...the alarm better ring early for Chuck Norris
Posted by asbhj  on  Mon Feb 05, 2007  at  04:51 AM
Chuck Norris was circumsised at 4 years old..He required 342 stitches.
Posted by SlixX  on  Mon Feb 05, 2007  at  04:54 AM
Brittney Spears WAS kicked out of rehab, by a roundhouse kick from Chuck Norris!!
Posted by Brian"Chuck's Sidekick"  on  Thu Feb 22, 2007  at  02:23 PM
As a student sat in class writing a paper, the substitute teacher came over to him and tried to move his "Chuck Norris" energy drink. The student followed the directions on the back of the can and promptly paged Chuck Norris. Chuck arrived within seconds and gave the teacher a swift roundhouse kick to the face!!
Posted by Brian"Chuck's Sidekick"  on  Thu Feb 22, 2007  at  02:27 PM
Chuck Norris got 301 points when he went bowling.

Chuck Norris can make music with an air guitar.

Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you 25 hours a day.
Posted by Joey Phillips  on  Tue Mar 20, 2007  at  06:24 PM
As many know, every Chuck Norris joke stated previously was and is stupid. The only way they could not be stupid, is if Chuck Norris said them.
Posted by Joey Phillips  on  Tue Mar 20, 2007  at  06:46 PM
If Chuck Norris took Viagra, the world would end, and man would cease to exist, and the only living species remaining would be Chuck Norris.
Posted by Joey Phillips  on  Tue Mar 20, 2007  at  06:50 PM
Chuck Norris can easily defy gravity; however, if gravity defied Chuck Norris, we would all float into space.
Posted by Name:  on  Tue Mar 20, 2007  at  06:53 PM
you are what you eat. chuck norris eats steel.
Posted by john  on  Tue Mar 27, 2007  at  03:33 PM
you are what you eat. chuck norris eats steel
Posted by john  on  Tue Mar 27, 2007  at  03:34 PM
Chuck Norris killed a man... twice.

Chuck Norris once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming up the road.

Chuck Norris named the group Sha Na Na. They did NOT want to be called that...

If you drop a phonograph needle on Chuck Norris's nipple, it plays the theme-song to Armageddon.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.


Once Chuck Norris went looking for a bar and he couldn't find one. Finally he found a vacant lot and said, 'Here we go.' He sat there for a year and a half
Posted by Televox  on  Thu Apr 05, 2007  at  11:12 AM
Chuck Norris used to play Major League ball until he was banned from baseball for using illegal batting practices in which he punched the ball out of the park.
Posted by chuck norris  on  Fri Apr 20, 2007  at  03:10 PM
At one time there was only 1,000,000 women and 1 man to repopulate the earth.Luckily that man was Chuck Norris.
Posted by Ryan H  on  Tue Apr 24, 2007  at  03:18 PM
Results 1 - 10 of about 192,000 for Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked.
Posted by teal'c  on  Thu Apr 26, 2007  at  11:39 AM
Moses did not split the Red Sea into two. Chuck Norris went back in time and roundhouse kicked Moses in the face so hard that Moses flew across the Red Sea, breaking the sound barrier which had caused the sea to split into two. The reason for the Israelites crossing the Red Sea is because they didn
Posted by Ian De Jesus  on  Thu Apr 26, 2007  at  11:05 PM
chuck norris can eat a rubix cube and pass it out... solved
Posted by sam  on  Fri Apr 27, 2007  at  01:09 PM
Every time Chuck Norris farts, a ninja gets his wings.
Posted by Michael Bryant  on  Fri Apr 27, 2007  at  06:57 PM
I love chuck norris facts.i mean,he's so effing bad ass.if you disagree,i will kill along side chuck norris and take that roundhouse kick to the face as an honor.
Posted by Chile  on  Mon Apr 30, 2007  at  12:46 PM
on his day off,chuck norris was watching the tv.he then saw a trix cereal commercial.enraged,he crapped out the trix rabbit and then roundhouse kicked it in the face.


one day,chuck norris teamed with hulk hogan to take on macho man randy savage and andre the giant.chuck won,pinning all three of them.


one day,chuck norris had sex in a car.some of his semen got into a gas tank and that car is now known as optimus prime.
Posted by Someone  on  Mon Apr 30, 2007  at  12:57 PM
All the Chuck Norris facts and jokes:
http://www.jokehell.com/chuck-noris-jokes/chuck-norris-jokes.html
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Mon May 14, 2007  at  01:20 PM
There is no "death by natural causes", there are only people who have not meant Chuck Norris

There is no "death by natural causes", there are only people who chuck feels have lived long enough

There is actually a 6 star crash test rating for surviving a collision with Chuck Norris, needless to say there are no vehicles with this rating

The plural for dice is die, the same is true of Chuck Norris

There is no plural form of Chuck Norris's Name

Q. Which came first the chicken or the egg A. Chuck Norris

Ask any question Chuck Norris is the Answer

Chuck orris once divided by zero, there were no survivors

When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence, do not use a period, because nothing can stop Chuck Norris

When using Chuck Norris's name in a sentence the end of the sentence must read, and there were no survivors.
Posted by Bobby  on  Mon May 21, 2007  at  02:27 PM
Once, Chuck Norris went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. He jumped infront of Lee Harvey Oswald and absorbed all three bullets with his beard. JFK's head exploded in sheer astonishment.
Posted by Anonymous  on  Sun May 27, 2007  at  01:06 AM
1. Chuck Norris doesnt fantasize about sex, sex fantasizes about Chuck Norris.

2. If Chuck Norris was a firefighter, he would not have to fight the fire, the fire would have to fight Chuck.

3. Chuck Norris doesn't go for a run, the run goes for a Chuck Norris.

4. It doesn't take Chuck Norris any licks to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop.

5. Chuck Norris is so good at sex he can give himself a reach around.
Posted by The boys on AZ-PNF E-31  on  Mon May 28, 2007  at  12:45 AM
when chuck norris was born the doctor went to smack his ass and died of a roundhouse kick before he made contact proof that chuck never cried "sorry cancer patients"
Posted by bwhittak  on  Wed May 30, 2007  at  03:33 AM
chuck norris kills more people than smoking.

On day zero Chuck Norris created GOD>
Posted by norman  on  Sun Jun 10, 2007  at  01:48 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't feel pain, pain feels Chuck Norris.

Jesus isn't really dead he's just hiding from Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris died in 1873 but Satan and God were both too afraid to take him.

The Devil sold his soul to Chuck Norris.

In WWII Chuck Norris jhizzed onto a Nazi sub and it created a gaping hole that sunk the ship, there were no survivors except for his sper, which is why there are Geat White Sharks.
Posted by Boner For Chuck, Ryan M.  on  Mon Jun 11, 2007  at  06:39 PM
Noone is perfect. Chuck Norris is the opposite of negative perfect.
Posted by Will  on  Thu Jun 21, 2007  at  01:32 AM
Chuck Norris got owned by Bruce Lee. Remember that
Posted by JS  on  Wed Jun 27, 2007  at  09:19 PM
Putin gave Chuck Norris some polonium tea. He has been drinking it ever since.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  12:56 AM
The devil wears Prada. Chuck Norris made him.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  01:04 AM
Why is Kayser Soze always hiding? Chuck Norris.
Posted by Roddy  on  Wed Jul 04, 2007  at  01:23 AM
When Chuck Norris enters a room the lights turn on by themselves, Chuck doesnt need light, light needs Chuck.
Posted by matt bailey  on  Tue Jul 17, 2007  at  02:52 AM
once while walking through town chuck norris got a massive boner, there were no survivors
Posted by lil checko  on  Mon Jul 23, 2007  at  03:49 PM
To everyone saying stuff like "So what, is he gonna kill me now?" The answer is yes. Hence, why they are facts and not jokes.

And it has nothing to do with the fact you question him. Technically, humans could live forever...but Chuck Norris is what makes us die...not cancer, not old age...Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris has sex with every woman in the world every month.. They bleed for a week afterwards.

Anyways...I don't know why I wrote this, the people who wrote those messages died mere seconds after clicking submit.
Posted by Batmanners  on  Thu Jul 26, 2007  at  06:15 AM
chuck norris is the dominate species!!
Posted by Laranara  on  Thu Aug 02, 2007  at  01:47 PM
what the first person said is entirely true. This page was the third result. out of over 4,000
Posted by alex  on  Sun Aug 05, 2007  at  02:39 AM
The folks over at tchirts.com got a rolled up newspaper snap to the nose for attempting to assist Chuck with his newfound hardcore internet idolatry. Is it possible that Chuck Norris
Posted by Lazlo'sBasement  on  Wed Aug 08, 2007  at  10:31 AM
chuck norris can get black jack in one card
Posted by Raj  on  Mon Aug 20, 2007  at  01:33 PM
Chuck Norris has clogged a toilet just by peeing into it.
Posted by MickyT  on  Wed Aug 22, 2007  at  08:17 PM
Chuck Norris on the war on drugs: if you want to get high, just let me kick you in the ass.
Posted by rpcarnell  on  Fri Aug 24, 2007  at  04:08 AM
Someone once said that superman was better than Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris proved him wrong by not only flying around the world, he flew around so fast he reversed time to before the guy made the comment and roundhouse kicked to the face.
Posted by david  on  Mon Aug 27, 2007  at  03:09 AM
Chuck Norris created Eve when he roundhouse kicked Adam in the ribs.
Posted by chris  on  Sat Sep 08, 2007  at  01:30 AM
a unicorn once tried to kick chuck norris. that is why they no longer exist.
Posted by jimmy da kee  on  Wed Sep 19, 2007  at  07:02 PM
I LOVE CHUCK!
Posted by Jen  on  Sun Sep 23, 2007  at  01:33 PM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IZU_d05uD1k

Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked.
Posted by Roddy  on  Tue Sep 25, 2007  at  03:30 AM
It's a fact that Chuck Norris lost a fight to either Bruce Lee or Jet Li I'm not sure witch
also I put in Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked got about 195000 results seems to happen quite a bit
Posted by Derik  on  Thu Oct 18, 2007  at  09:07 AM
Chuck Norris never breaks a string when he plays guitar. Never. That's because he can play without the strings.
Posted by Roddy  on  Fri Oct 19, 2007  at  07:25 AM
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's Secret.
Posted by Justin  on  Fri Oct 26, 2007  at  08:27 AM
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