Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


Comments

One of the facts on the page reads "If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen."

Heh, sorry, Google turned up 12 results with 5 hidden for repeating. In fact, putting the fact on the page itself will result in the fact showing up on Google sooner or later.
Posted by RAMChYLD  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  03:30 AM
That is simply only because Chuck Norris wanted those results to pop up. Possibly because he's bored and wants people to search for it so he can kill them.
Posted by Dan  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  05:02 AM
You have to remember...Chuck Norris invented the Internet.
Posted by Mike  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  06:26 AM
Who is Chuck Norris?
Posted by Mr Henderson  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  06:48 AM
I read the same "facts", but they were about Mr. T.
Posted by Michael  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  07:25 AM
Chuck Norris is hideous. Yeah, I said it. Is he going to show up at my door and kill me now?
Posted by Sakano  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  09:38 AM
I thought I saw them on a fan site once (I'm not sure how I got there, maybe Chuck Norris made me do it)...I just assumed they were a joke.
Posted by Maegan  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  10:16 AM
As far as I know this started as a Vin Diesel fact generator: http://www.4q.cc/vin/

Then they added Chuck Norris: http://www.4q.cc/chuck/

And more recently Mr. T: http://www.4q.cc/t/

The novelty is wearing off, but it still amuses from time to time
Posted by Daniel  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  11:11 AM
Ok...it seems whoever came up with this is a tad too obsessed with Chuck Norris.
Posted by Carmen  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  11:13 AM
I think all of these ultimately stem from the Bill Brasky skits on SNL.
Posted by joemono  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  11:23 AM
Chuck Norris is one of the best.
Posted by Grizzly  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  01:03 PM
Something about Chuck just makes people laugh. He's been kind of an inside joke around our school for quite a while now.
Posted by FlintJ  on  Fri Jan 13, 2006  at  02:23 PM
"Walker told me I have AIDS"
http://media.putfile.com/conanwalker4
Posted by pull the lever  on  Sat Jan 14, 2006  at  03:27 AM
What Would Chuck Norris Do?
http://sinfulshirts.com/customize.php?shirt=128
Posted by MrT  on  Sun Jan 15, 2006  at  10:58 AM
Chuck Norris stoled my virginity
Posted by tim  on  Tue Jan 17, 2006  at  08:24 AM
when chuck norris went to burger king he asked for a big mac. and got one
Posted by fredrik  on  Tue Jan 17, 2006  at  11:12 AM
"Chuck Norris is hideous. Yeah, I said it. Is he going to show up at my door and kill me now?

Posted by Sakano on Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 08:38 AM"


And he (Sakano) hasn't written anything since...
Posted by Sinj  on  Tue Jan 17, 2006  at  10:27 PM
One of the facts on the page reads "If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen."

Heh, sorry, Google turned up 12 results with 5 hidden for repeating. In fact, putting the fact on the page itself will result in the fact showing up on Google sooner or later.
Posted by RAMChYLD on Fri Jan 13, 2006 at 02:30 AM


Try it on google image search my friend, filters off.

No results. That is because there is no evidence anyone kicked his ass because it is not possible. This is known by everyone who is not on Chuck Norris's kill list.
Posted by Ethan  on  Wed Jan 18, 2006  at  03:15 PM
chuck norris will kick all your asses
Posted by jeff  on  Wed Jan 18, 2006  at  04:24 PM
Chuck Norris filmed many of the episodes of "Walker, Texas Ranger" in my neighborhood (East Dallas). One of the episodes featured my next-door neighbor's house. I don't recall ever seeing Chuck himself on the set (but then, I wasn't looking for him), but I met some of the other cast and crew around town. Chuck Norris seemed like a pretty decent guy-- he was always contributing to local charities and so forth. So much so that I even tried watching the show. It was very interesting because it always made an effort to promote positive social values like tolerance, temperance, respect for elders, equality for minorities, etc., but every episode inevitably ended with all the problems being solved by Chuck and his pals kicking the snot out of their antagonists. I think the dude has deep inner conflicts.
Posted by Big Gary  on  Wed Jan 18, 2006  at  05:05 PM
http://forums.televisionwithoutpity.com/index.php?showtopic=3134723&st=0
Posted by Sakano  on  Fri Jan 20, 2006  at  02:54 PM
Were the first "random facts" about Chuck Norris or Vin Diesel?
Posted by Solitary  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  08:07 AM
hurricane katrina was not a natural disaster chuck norris was practicing his round house kicks and sent a giant gust of wind to lousiana
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:16 PM
the eye of the hurricane is infact chuck norris performing his deadly roundhouse kick
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:20 PM
the oceans are really chuck norris's penis imprints when he got tired of carying he sets it down and the holes fill with water
Posted by tommy nolen  on  Sat Jan 21, 2006  at  11:24 PM
Chuck Norris mated with piemanthe3rd.
Posted by Jack Oneill  on  Tue Jan 24, 2006  at  01:12 PM
Actually there are 99,800 search results for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked". LOL, like it ever happens. =)
Posted by Ben Goldschmidt  on  Wed Jan 25, 2006  at  06:01 PM
Actually.. If you've ever seen Bruce Lee movies, I forgot which one, but in one of them Chuck Norris gets killed by Bruce Lee after they fought for like an hour. Bruce Lee didn't even break a sweat.
Posted by infernohit  on  Thu Jan 26, 2006  at  01:14 AM
It's called acting. And in those days he was training under Bruce Lee himself, so he hadn't surpassed his former master yet. Legend has it when Bruce Lee died, Chuck Norris absorbed his spirit to form the powerful killing machine he is today.
Posted by Dan  on  Thu Jan 26, 2006  at  01:30 AM
i loved the walker texas ranger lever Conan had. I crack up just thinking about it.
Posted by Greggy  on  Fri Jan 27, 2006  at  05:58 PM
the movie where he dies is called "way of the dragon"
Posted by matty h.  on  Fri Jan 27, 2006  at  10:20 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't eat breakfast, he forces it into submission.
Posted by miguel  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  06:31 PM
The only reason Canada still exists is because Chuck Norris needs a place for his dogs to crap.
Posted by jimbo  on  Tue Jan 31, 2006  at  06:37 PM
Hamas recently made a commitment to destroy the nation of Chuck Norris.
Posted by Shelby Q. Durmstrang  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  02:18 PM
anyone can piss on the floor, but chuck norris can shit on the ceiling
Posted by daniel  on  Thu Feb 02, 2006  at  07:17 PM
I stayed at the Embassy Suites once in Atlanta, where Chuch was also staying (promoting his book). I was just outside my room talking to a friend, and he was walking by, on his way to check out. Just him, his wife and the bellman. To tell you the truth, he looked tired. I kept on talking to my friend - not that I was scared of being punched out, but more that he probably appreciated that he could make it past someone WITHOUT being asked for an autograph. My summary: in real life, he's a real guy.
Posted by Brent  on  Sun Feb 05, 2006  at  09:45 PM
Hmmm.... Looked at the list and spotted the on were you Google "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked."

The current count is now up to 212,000, maybe more after I posted this. And go figure, the second link lead me to this page. :D
Posted by Atomic G  on  Sun Feb 12, 2006  at  03:47 PM
When Chuck Norris goes swimming, he doesn't get wet. The water gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by Meggie  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  04:58 PM
Actually.
I think they meant if you google images.

Because if you type in "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" in the images, it returns 0 results.
Posted by Beth  on  Mon Feb 13, 2006  at  09:25 PM
I have spent the last tree weeks of my life searching chuck norris jokes and i have succesfully documented 568,342 jokes so far...i think that is as far as i will go. 😉 and all that i have learned is...chuck norris is one bad dude. and the only thing that can kill him is nuck chorris, which is the equalivalent of the antichrist.
Posted by Duke Rio  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  08:01 PM
o yeah one time chuck norris's girlfriend once asked him...how much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood? He replied...how dare tou rhyme in the pressance of chuck norris...DONT FUCK WITH CHUCK!!!, and with that said he round house kicked her in the face instantly killing her...3 years, 2 months an 7 days later he relized the irony of what he had said and laughed so hard that everybody in a 10 mile radious went deaf.(i put that one into circulation a while ago)
Posted by Duke Rio  on  Tue Feb 14, 2006  at  08:08 PM
Yes.
Killing his girlfriend.
How droll.
:roll:
Posted by Boo  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  03:45 AM
chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris.
Posted by chris fitch  on  Wed Feb 15, 2006  at  06:03 PM
You're number one champ!

One of the facts on the page reads "If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen."
Posted by wazza  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  04:21 AM
If you google search chuck norris getting his ass kicked, and you click images, there will be no results!
Posted by madi  on  Thu Feb 16, 2006  at  07:21 PM
chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris
Posted by wayne king hard  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  01:57 PM
Chris Fitch said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a nightlight,, not because chuck norris is afraid of the dark, but on because the dark is afraid of chuck norris."


then three posts later.........

Wayne King Hard said:

"chuck norris sleeps with a night light not becos hes scared of the dark but because the dark is scared of chuck norris"

Let me reiterate that for all of you:

Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light not because Chuck is scared of the dark, but Because the Dark is scared of Chuck Norris.

I hope all of you can sleep peacefully, now that it was restated three times. Sweet dreams.
Posted by Carter S  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  08:03 PM
Is there really a need to get bitchy over Chuck Norris jokes?
Posted by Sakano  on  Mon Feb 20, 2006  at  06:53 AM
the only thing to fear is not fear itself
Posted by kc  on  Wed Feb 22, 2006  at  06:32 AM
Chuck Norris Doesn't Dial 911... 911 dials Chuck Norris!
Posted by Goldfingaz  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  09:51 AM
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