Hoax Museum Blog: eBay

Mummified Sea Monster — I received this email from Alex Wright (of Glasgow): The guy selling this on eBay (or trying to sell it... eBay seems to have cancelled the auction) claims that he found the "cryptid creature" washed up on a beach in Tampa, Florida. He writes: "I guarantee that this creatures flesh, teeth, jaw and skull are REAL 100% once living, organic flesh and bones." In other words, the flesh, teeth, jaw and skull are all real, but from separate creatures put together by taxidermical arts. Still, it looks like a well-made monster. I wouldn't mind having it on display in my office. (Oh, and that chupacabra head Alex referred to... I assume he's talking about this picture of an alien head taken by artist Charlie White.)

Alien Head Inside A Duck — It seems like it's been a while since there's been anything really unusual or novel offered on eBay, which is why this auction for an alien head inside a duck is a bit of a relief. At last, something new. (To be a bit more specific, what you get if you win the auction is an x-ray of an alien head inside a duck, not an actual alien head, nor a duck.) From the description of the item:

On Sunday, May 21st, an adult male mallard was brought to the International Bird Rescue Research Center (IBRRC), with what appeared to be a broken wing. Since 1971, the IBRRC has been rescuing birds from the devastating effects of oil spills around the world. Marie Travers, assistant manager of the center, radiographed the mallard and was immediately shocked by what was revealed on the x-ray. A very clear image of what appeared to be the face, or head, of an extraterrestrial alien was in the bird's stomach.

Bidding has already reached $3,450.00, and there's a couple of days left before the auction ends. I can't imagine Golden Palace will want to pass this up.

Thames Whale Watering Can on eBay — This is just pathetic:

Opportunists have tried to capitalise on the hysteria surrounding the Thames whale by putting a bogus watering-can up for sale on eBay, with a starting price tag of £1,924. The unidentified owner insisted the item was used in the attempted rescue of the 19ft northern bottle-nosed female whale to keep her moist and comfortable. But the fake sale outraged the British Divers Marine Life Rescue, who spent 36 hours and £100,000 trying to save the sea mammal's life and who were selling their own watering-can online.

Here's the real watering can for sale. Bidding is currently up to £99,701.25. (I hope that's not because of fake bids.)

Plymouth Rock Pieces on eBay — According to legend, Plymouth Rock was the first thing the pilgrims set foot upon when they landed in Massachusetts. I think that the rock itself is now on display in Plymouth. But United Press International reports that pieces of the Rock are popping up on eBay where they're fetching as much as $900. The catch is that there's absolutely no way to verify that these really are pieces of the original Plymouth Rock. A lot of people did carve off chunks of Plymouth Rock during the 18th and 19th centuries, but there's no way to differentiate a real piece of Plymouth Rock from a fake piece.

WiFi Speed Spray — A recent auction on eBay was for WiFi Speed Spray. Spray the air around your computer with this stuff, and it will increase the speed of your wireless connection by scrubbing and cleansing the air, thus allowing the radio waves to move more rapidly. Funny joke. The auction got some coverage from Gizmodo. However, what Gizmodo didn't realize was that the idea was blatantly stolen from John Walkenbach who has had the concept posted on his site for years (John is also the author of classics such as the 3rd Annual Nigerian Email Conference). It's incredibly lame to not only steal other people's hoaxes and present them as your own, but also to try to make a quick buck by doing so.

Deep Throat Revealed on Toast — The revelation that Mark Felt was Deep Throat has been the big news item this week. This eBay auction (Deep Throat Revealed on Toast) also managed to make it into the news, getting mentioned on CNN. However, it doesn't appear to have many bids yet.

It wasn’t Bob Woodward, CNN or Vanity Fair that broke the story to me… My toast revealed the truth of a 31 year political mystery. Watergate and the Secret Source will no longer be pondered.  The words “I'm Deep Throat!” appeared above the image of W. Mark Felt. I knew it had been a rumor over the years and he was President Nixon’s number one suspect but I never thought anything about it until this morning when the message came though clear as can be. I thought “No, the toast must be wrong!” I continued with my morning activities and got online to read the news at lunch. I was shocked to see the headline and quote “I'm the guy they used to call Deep Throat” confessed W. Mark Felt.

(Thanks to Patricia Moscoso for the link)

Pope Raisin — A raisin that is the spitting image of the current pope is up for sale on eBay:

Yes My Friends, It Is Truly Amazing How This "Unmodified" Raisin Resembles The Pope In Every Way ~ Shape & Form ~ To The Smallest Detail
The Eyes, The Nose, The Ears, The Mouth
It's Like Holding The Pope's Head in Your Hand. But Smaller.

There are four days left to bid, but I think people are hesitant to make an offer because they may not want to interfere with the starting bid of $6.66.

Runaway Bride Stuff on eBay — eBay has become like the internet's funhouse mirror for popular culture. Any widely reported event immediately gets reflected back in the form of strange eBay auctions. So with the Runaway Bride being the latest story in the news, it was inevitable that Runaway Bride stuff would soon show up on eBay. Here's a round-up of the most prominent of it:

Runaway Bride on Toast
Jennifer Wilbanks found on my morning breakfast toast. I still think her fiance did it !!! This is the one and only Toast Depicting The Scam Artict of the year Jennifer Wilbanks. Look at the eyes its her. Dont be fooled by others. Sold to high bidder shipping priority$3.85 Ebay tossed me off but im back!!! Just like Jen.

Authentic Wedding Invitation
Authentic Wedding Invitation for the wedding of Jennifer Wilbanks (the runaway bride) and John Mason.  the wedding was supposed to be on Saturday, April 30th.  Before she fled to New Mexico, we have this because we were invited to the wedding and are friends of the family.

Runaway Bride Kit
This kit will help any nervous Bride who wants to get away from all the pressure of getting married... Talking to your closest friends and family about your wedding day "cold feet" is a thing of the past! Get on that Bus and head out on a multi state joy ride across the country.

Popemobile on eBay — A 'popemobile' is up for sale on eBay (in Germany). It's a used car that once belonged to someone named 'Josef Kardinal Ratzinger'. The new pope hasn't lived in Germany for over twenty years, and doesn't need to drive himself around. So it's unlikely that the car was his. Nevertheless, bidding has already reached some obscene amount. But all the bids are probably hoaxes. (thanks to Casey for the link)

Mating Animal Crackers — Unfortunately bidding has already ended on the UNBELIEVABLE Mating Animal Crackers on eBay. And they went for only $12.00. I would have paid more than that for them. Seriously. I think they would have been a great mascot for the Museum of Hoaxes. After all, I assume they were Barnum Animal Crackers, and Barnum is like the patron saint of this site. So it would have fit. But my guess is that they've already been eaten by now. (The best part about buying them would have been that I could have listed 'Mating Animal Crackers' as a deduction on my taxes for this year).

Virgin Mary Frying Pan — The woman who auctioned off the Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich on eBay is now selling the 'Official Holy Pan That Made The Grilled Cheese Sandwich'.

This is not a joke. This is the Official 10 year old one of a kind Virgin Mary Grilled Cheese Sandwich Holy Pan. There is NOT Another.  I have chosen to Auction off the Holy Pan on E-Bay instead of the Auction House "Christy's of London" to give the world a chance to Bid on it.

Next, I assume, she'll be selling the 'Holy Spatula' that turned the grilled cheese sandwich, and then the 'Holy Stove' that cooked the thing. And then the 'Holy House' in which the stove was located.

Underpass Mary, Pope Toast, and Babe Ruth Cookie — Today's 'Faces Seen in Stuff' are:

1. Underpass Mary. A salt stain on the wall of an underpass in Chicago looks to many like an image of the Virgin Mary. (via Boing Boing)

2. Pope Toast: "Before we even turned on the news or opened the paper this morning, we knew that the Vatican had chosen a new pope. How? Well, as we were making toast for our breakfast, a puff of white smoke issued from the toaster. Then we were amazed to find what was surely a sign from on high: a piece of toast emblazoned with the unmistakable image of Cardinal Joseph Ratzinger, the new Pope Benedict XVI." (submitted by frup)

3. Babe Ruth Cookie. A cookie on eBay that supposedly bears the image of Babe Ruth. To be honest, I can't see the face in this one at all.

Pope Chicken Breast — The latest 'face seen in food' on eBay is the Pope Chicken Breast. The seller even has their own website devoted to it already. The real question is how much Golden Palace is going to pay for this thing. Here's the description of the item:

As I was about to dig into my usual lunch of my dorms "baked chicken," I quickly stopped in my tracks as my eyes met this wonderful relic. I have the utmost respect for Pope John Paul II and I could not believe the resemblance I saw between my piece of chicken breast and him. I am deeply touched that I was chosen to receive this possible visit from the Holy Father. I would now like to share this beautiful likeness of Pope John Paul II with you. And unlike all the unoriginal grilled cheese and Pope hat chips, this is the Only celebrity chicken breast on eBay at the time of listing.

Wife For Sale — Another internet entrepreneur hoping to strike it rich. But he would probably get more takers if his wife had a birthmark that looked like the Virgin Mary, or something like that. From the site:

Well I think much people are wondering what this site is all about. I've got a very interesting offer for you all. I've been married 23 years with my wife Petra. Our relationship isn't anymore what it's used to be. She starts complaining when I look at younger girls or if I come home drunk. I've been using the internet since a few weeks ago now. I've seen much interesting things on the internet, especially the sites like E-bay. Selling and buying while staying home is one of the most interested things I've seen in a long time. After a short time I got a great idea. The idea to sell my wife, but E-bay banned me from using their site for some reason. That's why I've made this site, to sell my wife.

Social Security for Sale — 'Billionaires for Bush' placed the American Social Security System up for sale on eBay. Apparently it was quickly pulled, but Billionaires for Bush has archived the auction on their own site:

Due to the surprising failure of carefully staged "conversations" across America to convince the American Public that Privatizing Social Security is a good thing, we have decided to take matters into our own hands. As a favor to President Bush and offered exclusively here to the winning bidder who meets our reserve, (must be a private Brokerage Firm, see details below) Billionaires For Bush can't wait to pull the switch on retirement security by circumventing Congress, the Will of the People, and good sense. Why not cut right to the chase? Concurrent with White House Goals and the Cato Institute, we're AUCTIONING OFF SOCIAL SECURITY!

Authentic Alien Mummy Corpse — A guy on eBay is selling what he speculates to be an authentic alien mummy corpse. He claims that he found it lying on the ground near his home in Tampa a few days after hearing loud booms (which he assumed to be a UFO crashing). He writes: "I hestitated about taking it home with me ...could it be radio active? could it have deadly alien pathogens?  After putting on rubber gloves I felt safer, so I took it home with me. There seems to be no animal or insect damage."

The thing that potential buyers on eBay seem more worried about is not if it contains deadly alien pathogens, but whether it's a human corpse. I don't think so. It looks like a feejee mermaid to me, and these are usually made out of monkey corpses. For instance, it seems quite similar to this handsome fellow whose picture was doing the rounds a while ago. There's no way he found this just lying on the ground somewhere. (thanks to Beasjt for the link)

My Sister’s Diary — A teenage girl put her sister's diary up for sale on eBay. The sale is an act of revenge, done to get back at her sister because she "told my boyfriend that I cheated on him! " Bidding has already ended, with the diary going for $66. Some of the secrets you could have been privy to had you been able to bid in time include that her sister "cheated on her boyfriend, but NOT with another guy... She got into a fight at a supermarket with this fat guy... There were a lot of parties that she went to  and the outcomes were shocking". Wow!

The thing that gets me is that the girl says that the diary was not stolen. She has to say this because it's illegal to sell stolen merchandise on eBay. But if it's not stolen, then she must be selling it with her sister's consent. If her sister has given her consent, then it's hardly a revenge sale. In other words, any way you approach this, there's something fishy about the sale. The girl probably doesn't have a sister at all.

Virgin Mary Pretzel — The latest 'spawn-of-Virgin-Mary-Grilled-Cheese-Sandwich' on eBay is the Virgin Mary with Baby Jesus Pretzel. This is a pretzel that may, if you're of the right frame of mind, look kind of like a Picasso-style rendition of the Virgin Mary holding the Baby Jesus. According to the description: "This totally unique and spiritual item was found by a 12 year old girl.  She was eating "Rold Gold" Honey Mustard flavored tiny twist pretzels, when she noticed the Virgin Mother holding Baby Jesus.  We all had a feeling of warmth and spirituality when holding the pretzel." The salty pretzel has been receiving news coverage, and bidding on it has already passed $1,000 with three days to go.

Man Tries to Sell Will on eBay — A guy on eBay, inspired by the forehead advertising auction, attempted to sell his will. The winner of the auction would, upon his death, receive everything he owns. Since the seller is a young guy, the winner could be waiting for a while before they get anything. Two other things occurred to me. First, if the guy dies heavily in debt, all you're going to inherit is a bunch of bills. He fails to mention this possibility (and he would have an incentive to die in debt). Second, I'm not sure how you would make this arrangement legally binding. Perhaps it can be done. I'm not sure. But it seems possible that the guy could change his will later and create a difficult situation. I've heard of universities that arrange for people to will their estates to them, and in return the university gives them a certain amount of money until they die. But that seems different from what this eBay guy is proposing (and probably involves better lawyers). Anyway, the auction closed yesterday with no bidders, so I guess it's all a moot point.

Texas Tortilla and ‘An Amazing Photograph’ — Here are two more curious auctions on eBay (people keep sending me this stuff... probably because I keep posting about it). The first is a tortilla shaped like the state of Texas (item# 5557639562). The auctioner swears that "I have not cut it, clipped it, chewed it or changed it in any way. What you see is what came out of the bag." And I've got to hand it to him. It really does look like Texas. The current bid is only $1.99.

What you're supposed to see in the other auction, however, isn't anywhere near as obvious, but the current bid on this is $3,100. It's supposed to be a photograph of 'The Face of the Lord' as seen in a cloud (item# 5557053951). The photo was taken 31 years ago. I think I can see some kind of face-like features in the cloud, but as one person has already commented on the auction, 'What if it's the devil?' I wonder if it would fetch even more money if it were a demonic photo.