Hoax Museum Blog: Celebrities

Ashton Hacked — AshtonHacked.com supposedly offers up recordings of real messages left on Ashton Kutcher's voicemail, as obtained by two guys who hacked his cellphone. (Some of the messages are not safe for work.) Kutcher's media rep claims that all the messages are fake. The owner of the site, however, continues to insist they're real, though the explanation of how the voicemail system was hacked doesn't sound very convincing. Anyway, the messages would only be of much interest to people who actually care what Ashton Kutcher does with his time.

Walken for President — Has Christopher Walken announced his intention to run for President of the United States? If you believe the press release posted on the 'Walken for Pres' site, he has:

09 August, 2005. New York - Early today, actor Christopher Walken, 62, held a private conference at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel in New York in which he announced his intentions to run for the Presidency of the United States in the 2008 Election. Said the Queens native, “I have always been a follower of politics. My father was friends with the mayor of Schodack (NY) back in the 1940’s. We would walk the streets of Schodack and the people, they would wave to him. The children adored him. That is what I love to be, a man of respect and love.”

However, WorldNet Daily (which, I realize, isn't the most credible of sources, but in this case I suspect they're correct), reports a rumor that the Walken For Pres site is a hoax that is being perpetrated by members of the General Mayhem message boards.

Halle Berry Lurks Online — Apparently actress Halle Berry has admitted that she enjoys spending a lot of time online, pretending to be other people. Contactmusic quotes her as saying: "I spend lots of time in chat rooms being various names and people. I am never who I am. I have been to a couple of dating ones just to see what everybody is talking about. I chime in and say a little fun stuff." I wonder if she spends much time on the Museum of Hoaxes message boards? If so, who would she be?

Schwarzenegger Blows Up the Moon — Former congressman and current MSNBC political commentator Joe Scarborough has had to apologize for claiming that Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger wanted to blow up the moon. Scarborough had criticized Schwarzenegger for making the following remark:

"If we get rid of the moon, women, those menstrual cycles are governed by the moon, will not get (pre-menstrual syndrome). They will stop bitching and whining."

But although it's very believable that our Governor would have said something like that, in this case he was innocent. The remarks were actually made by a Schwarzenegger impersonator on the Howard Stern show.

Celebrity Skin — Ever wanted to own a piece of a celebrity? What about a really personal piece? Celebrity Skin sells fecal matter, skin cells, bacteria, and urine (but no blood) from a variety of celebrities. The organization was "formed in 2003 by an anonymous collective of former Hollywood personal assistants". Unfortunately once you buy it, you have to keep it. There are no returns. Yes, this is a hoax. The black pitch press site describes it as one of its "failed projects and stray debris".

The Erotic Diary of George Wendt — Here's a strange faux-celebrity blog that delves into the imagined sex life of George Wendt, who played the character Norm on Cheers. Includes posts such as: Crying yourself to sleep doesn't get you sympathy sex if you're alone. Need to remember that.That's one of the tamer posts. (Not safe for work because of language)

Rosie’s New Blog — Whenever I come across a celebrity blog nowadays I figure it's probably fake. So looking at the new blog of Rosie O'Donnell, I thought it had to be a phony. Especially given how bizarre it is. It's almost entirely written in non-rhyming verse. A lot of it I can't even understand. But Defamer points out that it's linked to from the homepage of Rosie's official site, which is pretty good evidence that it's real.

Martha Stewart’s New Body — It's being reported that the current issue of Newsweek has a faux picture of Martha Stewart on its cover. Its her head pasted on to someone else's body. "Janice E. Castro, a director at Northwestern's school of journalism, said the fact that the image did not look completely artificial and could be mistaken for the real thing was a problem." Newsweek actually admits that the picture is fake inside the magazine, so I don't think this is really that big a deal. Plus, nowadays I think it would be more surprising if a star on the cover of a magazine weren't photoshopped in some way. Anyway, the most outrageous instance of a celebrity's face combined with someone else's body on a magazine cover remains the August 26, 1989 cover of TV Guide sporting the Oprah/Ann-Margret Frankenstein creation.

Napoleon Dynamite Star Not Dead — The latest celebrity death rumor going around is that Jon Heder, star of Napoleon Dynamite, died in a car accident while driving with a friend to Salem, Oregon. A website making this claim is here. People have also been speculating about this rumor on the IMDB message boards (Thanks to Ana for the link). Jon Heder, of course, is not dead (unless that person who looks like him and has been making media appearances is just an imposter). Michael Heaton, of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, noted in a recent column that he had heard the 'Heder is Dead' rumor from his daughter. Which prompted him to comment that "It is the zenith of cultural obsession to have false rumors of someone's death spread like goose grease across the land."

Supper With The Stars — Supper With The Stars is a British company that will arrange for a 'celebrity' to attend a party you're throwing. The idea is to wow your guests by having somebody famous show up. The catch is that, as Lindsay Marshall of Bifurcated Rivets puts it, all the stars you get to choose from are the 'essence of D-List'. Serious has-beens. Most Americans probably would never even have heard of the people on the list, such as Keith Harris, Diane Youdale, or Schnorbitz the Dog. The concept seems so odd and kind of sad that it's occurred to some people that it might all be a hoax, such as this LiveJournaler who notes that if you try to contact the company you get linked to a Hotmail address, which isn't exactly the sign of a well-established, real company. Trying to track down the company via its domain name info doesn't inspire much confidence either. They don't disclose their address or phone number on the domain name registration. Again, a little odd. What is the company trying to hide? Plus, all the celebrity photos on the site appear to have been simply taken from other sites. However, I did find this BBC article about the founder of the company, a 25-year-old Londoner named Louisa Loney. So I have to assume it's a real company. Maybe Louisa Loney runs it out of her home, which is why she won't disclose any address or contact info. (As an aside, my wife points out that some of the listed 'celebrities' are quite well known in England, such as Gordon Banks who's a legendary football player. I could imagine that sports fans would be excited to have him show up at a party.)

John Goodman Isn’t Dead — A fake news story about the death of actor John Goodman raced around the internet today. It's hard to understand why people believed this for a second, since the story was filled with spelling mistakes and bad grammar. Here's a sample:

LOS ANGELES, California (AP) - Actor John Goodman, star of such hits as Monsters Inc and Beyond the Sea, found dead today in his home. Cause of death is not known. Recently seen in the Kevin Spacey epik Beyond the Sea, Goodman was deemed in fine health by his doctor just three days ago. Cause of death is not yet known, but it is suspected natural causes. Goodman was most notably known as the blue-collar patriarch Dan Conner on the hit TV show Roseanne. Goodman also lent his vocal talents to such films as The Emperor's New Groove and Mosnters Inc, as well as being a semi-regular guest on Saturday Night Live.

Defamer debunked this pretty quickly, even managing to grab a screen shot of the original fake news story before it disappeared. I'll add this to my growing list of celebrity death hoaxes.

Is Jim Morrison Alive? — Most people think the musician Jim Morrison, lead singer for the Doors, died in Paris on July 3, 1971. But Gerald Pitts says that he "discovered Jim Morrison Living on a Ranch in the Pacific Northwest in the summer of 1998." According to him, Morrison is living a quiet life as an American cowboy "away from the Hollywood scene." Even though Morrison evidently engineered an elaborate death hoax to escape publicity, he agreed to appear on film for Pitts. You can buy a copy of this film for only $24.95 (shipping is extra). Pitts' site includes a video comparing the features of Jim Morrison the fifty-something cowboy to Jim Morrison the twenty-something singer. However, no matter how many times I watch the video, I just don't see any similarity.

Elvis Water Sells for $455 — This is of interest only as yet more proof that the sell-junk-on-eBay gag will never, ever end:

Wade Jones of North Carolina says he snared a plastic cup from which Elvis Presley drank at a concert in 1977 and kept the cup and the water for 27 years before selling the remaining few tablespoons of water on eBay. The winning bid for the water was $455. He says he won't sell the cup.

Imagine John Lennon Singing Pro-War Songs in Heaven — Ever wondered how John Lennon is getting along in Heaven? According to 'internationally known' psychic Linda Polley he's doing very well. She's been channeling his spirit and reporting on what's going on with him. You can read all the latest news on the John Lennon and George Harrison's Official Website from the Afterlife. The biggest surprise is that John has "officially divorced his former partner Yoko Ono Lennon for her support of homosexuality" and decided to marry a dancer named Mary Marie Francesca. Oh, and John has also penned many news songs, which he shares with the people back on earth via Linda Polley. Most of the songs are about his new pro-war views and his strong support for the Bush administration's policies in Iraq. For instance, one recent work is titled Hussein's Butt Song (it's all about how we kicked Hussein's butt), and there's also the catchy Vote for Allawi! To be honest, I'm not sure whether or not any of this is meant to be taken seriously (I kind of suspect it is). But one thing I do find oddly incongruous. Linda Polley claims that all the songs have been composed by John Lennon, and yet she simultaneously makes a point of claiming copyright, warning that "None of the lyrics or the audio files may be copied without the precise consent of Speaker Linda Polley." But if John Lennon wrote the songs, why does she own the copyright?

Is This Jaleel White? — A photo of a young, trendy-looking guy has been doing the email rounds (click here for a larger version), with the caption: "This is Jaleel White." Jaleel White, of course, is better known for playing the character of super-nerd Steve Urkel on Family Matters (I've also heard many rumors that he plays the Mr. Six character in those Six Flags commercials, but I don't think that's true). I guess people are just amazed that White wouldn't be more like Urkel in real life. As for whether the picture really shows Jaleel White, I'm not sure. There's a recent picture of him on his blog on NBA.com. I guess it could be him if he shaved his hair off. (via thighs wide shut / You Can't Make It Up)

The Church of Tom Jones — This doesn't appear to be a church for those that worship Tom Jones. Instead, it's just a church for those who enjoy listening to Tom Jones music (I think the former would have been slightly more interesting). Also, I don't think it's a joke. Or maybe it is, and I don't get it. Pastor Jack, the guy who runs the church, seems to have been spooking around for quite a while. He boasts that in 1997 he was voted Strangest Person in America. That would be something to put on a resume. (via Holy Weblog)

Clooney’s Anti-Bush Blog — Defamer reports (via A Fly on the Wall) that George Clooney has his own weblog, titled A Chronicle of Bush's Failures. It's purely political, focusing (as you might guess from the title) on all of Bush's shortcomings. The question is, is this really Clooney's blog? I'm not convinced, mainly because whoever is writing the blog doesn't seem to claim anywhere that he or she is Clooney. And I'm not sure why we should believe A Fly on the Wall's anonymous source. More likely it's some blogger trying to attract traffic by spreading a rumor that he's George Clooney.

Nick Nolte’s Blog — Here's yet another possible faux celebrity blog. This time it's the blog of Nick Nolte. It's probably becoming a sign of status in Hollywood to have a faux blog... it shows that someone out there cares enough about you to want to pretend to be you. Imagine all the forgotten stars waiting desperately for someone to create a fake blog about them. Maybe they eventually break down and pay someone to pretend to be them... which would make it a faux faux celebrity blog. Lost in Technophilia argues that the reason to believe the Nick Nolte blog isn't real is because the domain name is registered to someone called "Christian Newton" living at 501 Privacy Lane, Santa Monica, CA 90402. Obviously a fake address. Or maybe Nick Nolte just didn't want to give out his real address.

Martha Serving — Someone called Martha (I wonder which Martha that could be?) who's recently been incarcerated in a federal prison has got a new blog up and running. She's already working on plans to redecorate her new surroundings:

I'm going to use toilet paper and threads taken from my bedsheets to quilt some nice drapes. I've been talking to some people on the outside about sneaking in some potpourri for me. This place is severly lacking in fine scents!

Britney’s Wedding Night Skivvies — Britney Spears' wedding-night underwear is up for sale on eBay, nabbed by someone working on the catering staff at the house where she stayed. It's guaranteed to be 100% authentic, so I guess it can't be a hoax. Right? Not like her used chewing gum that was up for sale about a month ago. Better bid on this fast before the auction is pulled by eBay.