Hoax Museum Blog: Urban Legends

Convert Your Car to Hydrogen — United Nuclear is selling a Hydrogen Fuel System Kit that will allow you to convert your existing car to run on hydrogen. It's not for sale just yet, but they promise that they're "currently fleet-testing our systems and are in final preparation for sales to the general public." If they ever do manage to perfect this, I'd buy it. I'd love to never have to worry about going to a gas station again. But I have serious doubts that United Nuclear really does have a system like this nearly ready for sale to the public.

I've written about United Nuclear before, expressing doubts about whether they were really selling all the stuff they claim to sell. For instance, do they really sell super radioactive ore for the home hobbyist? Apparently United Nuclear was founded by Bob Lazar, who's known to be a bit of a crackpot scientist. He claims to have reverse engineered alien spacecrafts, for instance. This would seem to lower the company's credibility a little. (Wikipedia link via Gizmodo)

Dear Abby Dilemma — Last week a woman wrote in to Dear Abby with an interesting dilemma:

Dear Abby: My husband gave me a diamond and sapphire ring for our anniversary. Because it was too large, I took it to a jeweler, who asked me where it came from. When I asked the jeweler why he asked, he informed me that the sapphire was synthetic and the "diamonds" were cubic zirconia. I'm not certain whether to tell my husband. I don't want him to think I don't like the ring. It is beautiful, and I will love wearing it regardless. However, if he bought the ring thinking it was the real McCoy, he may have spent a lot more on it than it is worth. Because my husband has always given me exquisite jewelry, I suspect he doesn't know. Should I share this information with him or keep my mouth shut? - Stuck in Stone Mountain, Ga.

Dear Stuck: Tell your husband that you took the ring to the jeweler to have it sized and what he told you. Assure your husband that you love it and want to keep it "regardless." He may have bought it from the Home Shopping Network or he may have been taken advantage of. Either way, it will clear the air.

I suspect Stuck in Stone Mountain made two false statements in her letter. First, I doubt she took the ring to the jeweler because she thought "it was too large." She wanted to know if it was real. Second, there's no way that she thinks "he doesn't know." She's sure that he knows and is dying to let him know that she knows. (But my wife says I'm being too cynical and thinks the woman might really be concerned that her husband got ripped off... as opposed to being concerned that he was trying to slip a cheap gift past her.)

Sharks in New Orleans — David Emery throws some cold water on rumors that sharks are swimming through the streets of New Orleans. He points out that the shark sightings seem to be the "seen by a friend of a friend" variety:

I found repeated references to unnamed "authorities" and "officials" reporting one "3-foot shark cruising the city." Which authorities? Which officials? Digging further, I could only find mention of one by name: Mayor Aaron Broussard of Jefferson Parish (a New Orleans suburb), who, according to the August 30 issue of the Palm Beach Post, "told residents Tuesday that at least one 3-foot shark had been spotted." Again, that's one small shark reportedly sighted — exactly where and by whom, we don't know — and as far as we know he hadn't eaten anybody.

But alligators are a different matter altogether. Officials assume there will be alligators in the water.

Katrina Survivor Story — After 9/11 fake tales of heroism and survival soon began to pop up, so it's inevitable that after Katrina people will also invent stories. A tale that's been posted on a gamer's site has some people suspecting a hoax. I have no idea if it's real or not, so you'll have to decide for yourself.

In the story, Naomi tells of how life on the coast of Alabama has descended into a state of primitive lawlessness. She claims to be living on the second floor of a house (the first floor was flooded and is covered in mud), keeping her gun close at hand to fend off looters. She's running a generator that allows her to connect to the internet (her electricity is out, but her telephone connection seems to be fine). She observes a couple of times that it all reminds her of a video game:

People are getting looted and mugged, it's no different than in a video game where all you do is run around and do whatever you want. I'm not afraid to die, but I don't want to die here in this sunken city....
Like I said before, it's like a video game. I don't know what it was, the flood, the hurricane, or the death that has husked these people of their minds, but the people here have died, it's just that they still walk like humans. There's no place for us here, and they just walk, looking for something. Home, family, pets, someplace cool.. You bump into them, and they say one thing to you, maybe two. But that's it, that's all they can muster. If you say hello, it's like being in an RPG.

I suppose what makes people suspect the story as a hoax is that a) the video game analogy sounds a bit odd, and b) she has no power, everything around her is a wasteland, but she still has internet access? If her phone is working, why not just pick it up and call for help?

Bullshit Protectors — This image of a veteran wearing a "Bullshit Protector" over his ears as he listens to President Bush giving a speech was doing the rounds about two weeks ago. So I'm a bit late getting to it, but better late than never. The veteran is Bill Moyer, and the picture was taken by AP photographer Douglas Pizac. Wiseass.org was inspired by the picture to design an entire series of Bullshit Protectors that you can print out and make on your own.

Advertising Cliches — John Camm, writing for the BBC, has compiled a long list of ways in which life as it's portrayed in advertisements differs from real life. For instance, in advertisements:

• Men are obsessed with sex but will forego sex in order to watch football or drink beer.
• Any act of male stupidity (e.g. walking across a clean floor in muddy boots, putting the dog in the dishwasher, etc.) will be met with a wry smile, not genuine annoyance/anger.
• If you work for the emergency services, you are a better person than the general population.
• Elderly relatives NEVER suffer from senile dementia.
• Scandinavians are, without exception, blonde and beautiful.
• Women have jobs they never do in real life, e.g. dockworker (who looks like a model).
• Men are inherently lazy/slobbish; women are the reverse.
• Chocolate, however, will cause women to immediately fall into the languor of the opium eater.

Hippo Eats Dwarf Completed — On Friday I sent in the final, fully edited manuscript of Hippo Eats Dwarf to my publisher. A few small things remain for me to do. For instance, I need to write the acknowledgments page. But basically it's completed. Now the publisher needs to finish the cover art and start formatting it to look like a real book. But the book has already been listed on Amazon, which means it can now be pre-ordered. So over the next seven months I'll be bugging people to pre-order it, since the more people pre-order it, the easier it is to convince bookstores to stock it and display it prominently. And at $10, it's a bargain. Here's the catalog copy for the book (which may end up being the blurb on the inside cover):

Reality Check: Can you grow a bonsai kitten? Should you stock up on dehydrated water? Is it easy to order human-flavored tofu? Or is this all just b.s.?
In a world of lip synching, boob jobs, payola punditry, and staged reality shows, it's hard to know the real from the fake. HIPPO EATS DWARF is the essential field guide to today's Misinformation Age. Whether you're deciphering political doublespeak or trying to decide whether to forward that virus warning, hoaxpert Alex Boese provides the guidelines you need. For instance, Reality Rule 6.1: Just because you read it on the internet doesn't make it true. With case files, reality checks, definitions, and plenty of doctored photos, HIPPO EATS DWARF is an entertaining guide to life, death, and everything in between—including eBay.

For the past week, I've also been glued to my TV set (like everyone else) watching the catastrophe unfold in New Orleans and the Gulf Coast. After the Asian tsunami I donated a month's worth of free ad space to a charity, but I suspect that wasn't the most efficient way to help out the disaster victims, because I assume everyone knows where to give money. So instead I'm donating a portion of the ad revenue directly to the Red Cross, and I'll continue to do that for the next few months because the people down there are going to need help for a long time.

We Rank — I haven't been able to post for the past few days. I received the edited manuscript of my book back from my publisher and have been going through it and approving/making the changes they suggested. They've given me a tight deadline, so I've been working away at that. But once this is done, I'm totally finished with the book.

Anyway, on a different topic, my friend Dave (who writes software) asked me to link to his new site, and I promised I would. His site is called we rank. It uses the same software I use to run this site (Expression Engine), but he's trying to adapt it to allow people to rank comments and posts. He's looking for feedback on this experiment. (My feedback: it's a little confusing, Dave.) I'm not sure I'd want people to rank posts and comments on this site, but he has a few other ideas for changing the software that I might try out, if he gets them worked out.

Wrinkled Egg — Brian Edwards has sent in these photos of a wrinkled egg. I've never heard of an egg getting wrinkled, but the pictures don't look photoshopped. The egg, however, does look a bit like a potato. Soon I'll have to start a new category for odd eggs, what with my previous posts about a spoon-shaped egg, and a tall-tail egg.

Hoof Hearted — I received this email from "Doctor Psi":

I remember a British horse race in which one of the entrants was named 'Hoof Hearted'. This horse was obviously named so as to cause the maximum amount of amusement when listening to the commentary! Anyway, I was looking for a picture of said horse to show a friend, and found the following website:

http://www.hoofheartedoutfitters.com/index.htm

It looks genuine, but I can't believe that these guys haven't stopped to think just how their business name sounds when spoken at a slightly quicker tempo than usual!

It took me a few seconds to get the double meaning, but I eventually got it. I'm guessing it never occurred to HoofHearted Outfitters.

Fake Registration Day — A movement is underfoot to undermine news sites that require registration in order to read their content by submitting fake registrations en masse:

We, the undersigned, wish to demonstrate the pointless nature of forced web site registration schemes and the dubious demographic data they collect.
On November 13th we will each register an account using fake details at one or more of these top 10 offending sites:
www.nytimes.com
www.washingtonpost.com
www.latimes.com
www.ajc.com
www.chicagotribune.com
www.dallasnews.com
www.nypost.com
www.baltimoresun.com
www.philly.com
www.mercurynews.com

While sympathizing with the sentiment, I see a couple of problems with this. First, even if you submit fake details, you still need to submit a valid email address (there are ways around this, but I bet most of the people participating will give their real email). Second, when you visit their site they'll know your ip address, from which they can get some demographic info (such as what city you're in). In other words, it's hard to give them completely misleading information, so they may still end up benefitting from fake registrations. (via J-Walk)

Giant Alligator — An image has been circulating showing a giant alligator hanging from a crane, as a person in uniform walks behind it. But according to the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission (as quoted in the Texarkana Gazette), the image is fake:

"It's fake. It didn't happen. We don't just go out and kill alligators just because they are there. I don't know why anyone would perpetuate something like that," he said. "There is a lot that comes across the Internet that is fabricated," said Arkansas Game and Fish Commission Lt. Don Albright...
According to the photograph's accompanying text, Evening Shade, Ark., residents Charles and Anita Rogers, who may or may not exist, said they could hear "bellowing" during the evening hours. According to the story, their neighbors attributed the alleged noise to a giant alligator they saw in the pond that runs behind their home.
"I didn't believe it," Charles Rogers said in the story.
Albright said the Arkansas Game and Fish Commission has detained large alligators in the past like the one seen in the picture. However, he said the organization has a policy to protect the alligators rather than shooting them, hanging their remains from a suspended crane and taking pictures of their trophy.

But how exactly is it fake? That's not clear to me. Is it the caption that's fake? Or has the image been photoshopped? Snopes suspects the image is genuine, but has the incident occurring in Texas.

Skinny Women — Here are two images going around that feature skeletally skinny women. The image of the woman on the beach is captioned "I think I've changed my mind about 'fat chicks'" and the image of the woman walking is captioned "Implants last forever." They could be real, but given how easy it is to fake images like this (see Too Skinny), I suspect they're photoshopped.

Munchkin Identified — I think I first became aware of the picture of Munchkin the Monster Cat two years ago. The picture always perplexed me because Munchkin seemed too big to be real, but I couldn't see any evidence it was photoshopped. The Sydney Morning Herald, however, decided it was a hoax. But it turns out Munchkin was real. His owner, Susan Martin of Ontario, Canada, just contacted me with more pictures of her former pet (he died at the age of 8 of heart disease). His real name was Sassy. He certainly was a big guy. She says he weighed forty pounds. Here are more details from Susan:

Sassy was born in Virginia, and moved to Canada in 1991 with me. He was a kitten then and after we had him fixed he started getting fat. I never thought anything of it cause he slept so much. His visits to the Blair Animal Hospital did not find any problems with him and could not figure out why he was so fat. He was on diet food for about 8 years. In 1999 he was noted as being 15.9 kilos. in 2001 he was listed as 40 pounds and then lost 8 when he died. He did not eat an excess amount of food and did not eat table scraps. A bite or two of chicken or tuna was his favorite. I miss him very much and often find his picture posted on various web sites.

The fattest cat in the world weighs about fifty pounds. Here are more pictures of Sassy:

Homing Pigeon Find Right Address, Wrong Country — Something seems strange about this story. A homing pigeon took off from Malung, Sweden. It was supposed to head for Tangenveien, Norway. Instead it ended up in Tångenvägen, Sweden. It went to the wrong country, but it found a nearly identical street address. Could the bird have been reading street signs? I doubt it, but that's what the media is suggesting. From what I've read, researchers still don't completely understand how homing pigeons navigate, but some believe they follow landmarks on the ground (such as roads). But even if this is the case, I don't think they can read.

Piano Man Was a Hoax — Back in May I wrote an entry about the Piano Man mystery (the institutionalized piano player in England who was lacking an identity). At the time I doubted it was a hoax, but I was wrong. My wife, who immediately said his story reminded her of Princess Caraboo, was right. He was pretending to be mentally ill. (According to the article "he had previously worked with mentally ill patients and had copied some of their characteristics.") A few days ago, he suddenly started speaking and revealed his identity. Now he's been sent back to Germany, his home country. Although the authorities are not revealing his identity, I've heard that reporters are trying to track him down.

Mutant Three-Eyed Toad — James sent in this photo of a "supposedly mutant toad." He writes, "I would like to know whether it is real or not. I have heard stories about chemicals in ponds effecting the tadpoles, and causing deformaties in frogs legs, maybe the same thing has happened to this toad?"

If it is fake, it's a pretty decent photoshop job. It doesn't look like either the right or left eye has simply been cut-and-pasted into the middle. However, memories of the four-eyed kitten make me want to say it's fake.

Update: The original image was found, thanks to Citizen Premier. So the mutant toad is definitely a fake.

Catholic Church as The Matrix — A Matrix-style poster depicting a Catholic priest as Neo isn't a spoof. The Catholic Church really is distributing these things. It's part of their new recruitment campaign:

The poster's creator, the Rev. Jonathan Meyer, 28, associate director of youth ministries for the Archdiocese of Indianapolis, says pop culture is the key to attracting young men to an occupation that has gotten bad press.
"If we can get high-school youth to hang a picture of a priest in their room, that's huge in helping young men to answer the call to the priesthood," the cleric said. "Anyone who is a 'Matrix' guru looks at the picture and automatically gets it."
Crucifix in hand, Father Meyer posed for the poster, rated R for "restricted to those radically in love with Jesus Christ." Running time is "all eternity," and its title reads, "The Catholic priesthood: The answer is out there ... and it's calling you."

I'm wondering how far the Neo as Catholic priest analogy can be extended. In the second Matrix movie, Neo has sex with Trinity. So how are we supposed to interpret that? In one sense it seems appropriate (priests are dedicating themselves to God, or the Holy Trinity), but in another way it doesn't seem to be the message the Church intended. (via Notes From the Lounge)

Gulliver’s Erotic Adventures — A Russian woman, Neonilla Samukhina, claims that the original version of Jonathan Swift's Gulliver's Travels was far racier, containing numerous explicit sex scenes... and she happens to have acquired a manuscript of this early version. She published a Russian translation of it last week.

The book features the hero of 18th century Irish author Jonathan Swift’s famous satire in physical encounters with tiny Lilliputs — who are only 15 centimeters tall — and in Brobdingnag, which is inhabited by 20-meter giants.

No experts seem to be taking her claims very seriously. Obvious signs that it's a hoax are that she refuses to allow anyone to see the manuscript, nor will she allow them to read the English text (she's worried about people reprinting it since Swift's work is no longer copyrighted). University of Ulster Professor Joseph McMinn comments that, "I think this is a clever way of selling an erotic text, by giving it the appearance of ‘serious’ literature, and inventing a mystery story about its origins." Of course, all those high-school kids who are forced to read Gulliver's Travels probably would find the erotic version more interesting.

Oompa Loompa Imposters — For years Ezzy Dame has been living a lie. Thirty four years ago he padded his resume with the claim that he had played an Oompa Loompa in the 1971 version of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. With the release of the recent version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, reporters sought him out for his opinion, as an ex-Oompa Loompa, about the film. This caught the attention of a real ex-Oompa Looma, Rusty Goff, who outed him. Goff claims that he's aware of other "Oomposters."

There are other Oomposters, Goff said. One little entertainer in New York tried to pass himself off this year as an Oompa Loompa, evading reporters from The Times in London when they compiled a story on the original stars.

I'm tempted to add a line to my resume claiming that I was an Oompa Loompa.