The Museum of Hoaxes
hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive
   
Hoaxes Throughout History
Middle AgesEarly Modern1700s1800-1840s1850-1890s
1900s1910s1920s1930s1940s1950s1960s1970s1980s1990s21st Century2014
Singles Wallpaper
image If you live alone, then here's a product to alleviate your loneliness. It's Singles Wallpaper, which is basically life-sized pictures of people that you can stick on your wall, and then you can pretend that they're your friends. Unlike real people, who can be annoying and messy "The single-wallpaper is the complete opposite: it is always friendly and doesn't smoke, it likes watching "Friends" with you for the 100th time without ever complaining, it doesn't leave dirty socks lying around, it never protests against your ideas, and it always looks fresh and attractive ... even when, from time to time, you can't help losing your temper!"
Sex/Romance
Posted by The Curator on Thu May 26, 2005


Soo...Couldn't you just put up a picture of your friends?
Posted by Maegan  in  Tampa, FL - USA  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  07:51 AM
Wouldn't you get jealous that they never grow old or look rough in the morning?
Posted by Mort  in  Just left of centre  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  07:59 AM
"Couldn't you just put up a picture of your friends?"

What friends?
Posted by Paul in Prague  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  08:10 AM
And what if your friends are all ugly? Or in your head?
Posted by Mort  in  Just left of centre  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  08:15 AM
If I ever get this lonely please shoot me.

And just to head things off, only AFTER I get lonely enough to purchase this - not a second before.
Posted by Charybdis  in  Hell  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  09:42 AM
Even if you did have to sink to this level in order to achieve friends... would you really want friends that boring? That all they do is sit there and stare at you!!!

gulp
Posted by Mark-N-Isa  in  Midwest USA  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  08:04 PM
Why did they think we'd want pics of people we don't know of on our walls? Why not just wallpaper the walls with your fave celeb?
Posted by Smerk  in  to mischief  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  09:02 PM
I don't think I'd want wall-friends that look like they were cut n' pasted out of a magazine. I'd like my wall-friends to have more character.
Posted by Citizen Premier  in  spite of public outcry  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  09:30 PM
It would give new meaning to being a wallflower.
Posted by Charybdis  in  Hell  on  Thu May 26, 2005  at  09:41 PM
I think some male singles already do something like this with Playboy centerfolds...
Posted by LaMa  in  Europe  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  11:40 AM
Hey Charybdis, I'm including a little blurb about singles wallpaper in my book, and your one-liner is way better than the lame thing I came up with. Can I steal it? In return it'll get you an official acknowledgment at the front of the book!
Posted by The Curator  in  San Diego  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  12:17 PM
Hot Damn! Of course you can. You hear that people? I'm gonna be FAMOUS!!! Bask in my reflected glory. LOL
Posted by Charybdis  in  Hell  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  12:30 PM
I had a cousin who bought several of the door-sized posters of The Beatles (many years ago, but you knew that), and pasted them over a full wall in her bedroom. Those posters are worth a lotta money now, unpasted of course. One favor, please, Alex... do not use any Stephenisms in your book...it just wouldn't be right. Wanker-Free reading, that's my motto. Actually, my motto is "Hold the Pickle, hold the lettuce", but I don't get out much
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  01:11 PM
Can you imagine inviting a girl over to your apartment and her seeing this wallpaper on your walls? The chick straddling the chair, the dude with the record player. I think there's few ways to freak her out quicker.

I think what they mean by Singles Wallpaper is that if you get this you'll STAY single.
Posted by brian  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  01:40 PM
Thanks, Charybdis. As for Stephenisms, none that I'm aware of have yet made their way into the book.
Posted by The Curator  in  San Diego  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  01:46 PM
The Words of Raoul are for all the world to be sharing, you know? But, I do not think a book is the place for Raoul's Words... I am now thinking a great, large statue of Raoul, no? The Raoul Channel. Raoul Today magazine. Free tatoos of Raoul on the bottoms of all the beautiful women at the beaches... Radio Raoul... don't stop me now, Okay? Ha ha ha. Rrrraoul
Posted by Raoul  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  02:05 PM
All I can think of when I see this is that you'd turn a corner and be startled by these life-sized pictures in the semi-darkness on a regular basis. It's bad enough to be living alone without momentary adrenalin rushes when you think someone's broken into your house.
Posted by Jane  on  Sat May 28, 2005  at  10:53 AM
LaMa sez:
"I think some male singles already do something like this with Playboy centerfolds..."

Ah, yes, this practice of plastering imaginary friends and lovers on the walls is well known to anyone who has ever visited a male dormitory.
Posted by Big Gary in Dallas  in  Dallas, Texas, USA  on  Sun May 29, 2005  at  03:40 PM
Raoul, you cannot, must not, allow them to publish a magazine in your honour. Young girls would be swooning at the newsstands at the mere sight of your sheer masculinity...and I'm afraid that no woman would be satisfied with another man after a look at you. For the good of the planet, please resist.
Posted by Winona  in  USA  on  Tue May 31, 2005  at  12:16 PM
re: startlement: Spot on! I worked in an office where someone had installed a couple of "standees" (technical term for those lifesize promotional cutouts) sitting at one of the break room tables. They startled me every day for a week or two, and then just on Mondays.
Posted by cvirtue  on  Tue May 31, 2005  at  05:03 PM
Um...isn't this the same sort of self-congratulatory concept used by Robert DeNiro in "The King of Comedy"? Well, I guess I have just posted nothing new since the self-handshake has already been mentioned.

I think maybe this is more of a cleverly conceived pre-psych analysis tool developed to flag potential delusions-of-grandeur cases. I mean, if you're going to the lengths to make yourself feel wanted and popular, maybe you already are predisposed to be like that, and the world hasn't caught up with it yet?
Posted by Ohne Mitleid  in  USA, trust me  on  Tue May 31, 2005  at  07:09 PM
Predisposed to be wanted and popular?

Well, that's going to be scuppered by having this sort of shite on your walls, isn't it?
Jeeez, that would terrify me.
Posted by Boo  in  The Land of the Haggii...  on  Tue May 31, 2005  at  07:17 PM
i can think of nothing more terrifying then having some faces constantly learing at me out of the walls, it would eventually push me over the edge and aid my mental breakdown
Posted by joeodd  on  Wed Jun 15, 2005  at  05:09 AM
The fact that those wallpapers are always there and spying on you just freak me out.
Posted by Mitch  on  Sat Mar 01, 2008  at  02:24 AM
Great thanks for this post, will check for site updates.
Posted by Free HD Wallpapers  on  Sun Jul 13, 2008  at  12:08 PM
It'll be quite scary especially when someone is staring at ya all the time :D
Posted by Clyde  in  Malaysia  on  Mon Aug 04, 2008  at  02:32 PM
It'll be quite scary especially someone is staring at u all the time. :D
Posted by CLyde  on  Mon Aug 04, 2008  at  02:35 PM
Hot Damn! Of course you can. You hear that people? I'm gonna be FAMOUS!!! Bask in my reflected glory
Posted by kasim.khan  in  wallpaperstop  on  Tue May 25, 2010  at  06:21 AM
Commenting is no longer available in this channel entry.
All text Copyright © 2014 by Alex Boese, except where otherwise indicated. All rights reserved.