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Perfect Housemate
This craigslist ad posted by a man searching for a roommate has been doing the rounds. The man starts off sounding kind of weird when he describes himself as a Beverly Hills plastic surgeons whose staff "is somewhat dubious of my methods", but then he progressively begins to sound weirder and weirder as he lists the rules that his "perfect housemate" must follow: "You must brush your teeth at least twice a day", "On every third-Tuesday of the month I request that you vacate the house between the hours of 4 pm - 11:45 pm while I upholster various pieces of antique furniture", "No newspapers or magazines", "if you speak either French, Urdu, or Afrikaans, I kindly request that you not speak them in my vicinity", "Please do not purchase fruits or vegetables and bring them home". It's impossible to know if this is a joke (it's not even on craigslist anymore; it's mirrored on someone else's site), but I have heard roommate horror stories involving housemates that were as bizarre as this, so it could definitely be real.
Advertising
Posted by The Curator on Mon Apr 11, 2005


Hey! It's Stephen's classified ad!

"absolutely no Austrailian Kelpies"

Not sure why he says he's a dentist, though.
Posted by Rod  in  the land of smarties.  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  03:00 AM
Gosh, right down to the typo (and self importance!)
Posted by Smerk  in  to mischief  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  03:35 AM
Ha, he sounds like Adrian Mole!
Posted by Boo  in  The Land of the Haggii...  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  04:19 AM
My mom told me that she once boarded at a house, and the lady who owned it was really strange. Apparently she would often vacuum in the middle of the night. There's so many people in the world, there's room for plenty of weirdos.
Posted by PlantPerson  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  09:58 AM
I have had some odd roommates but nothing beats the odd landlady I lived upstairs from for a year.

Upon moving in I noticed she was "pariticular" but as we were not going to share any common space (I had a separate entrance) and I am generally pretty quiet I did not see it as a problem. It was a nice apartment and a good value.

She gave me a set of rules, half of which sounded pretty normal. I was not to walk on the grass at all. I had no problem with this until she scolded me for walking on the grass. As I had just walked on the little cement walkway, I was confused and too deferential. She pointed out that in my last step before the sidewalk part of my foot had touched the grass! She actually post a odd rambling note on a little sign for all the pedestrians in the area to see about her lawn efforts and to keep off grass.

But here real weirdness had to do with noises in the house. I had laundry priveleges in the basement but was not allowed to do laundry after dark--I did my laundry once there on a Saturday morning and she seemed very annoyed because "she did not know what was going on down there." Due to an injury I was on crutches for three weeks or so, she called to complain about the irregular noise I was making (despite her knowing full well I had been injured).

The big one (and reason I knew I had to leave because there were serious psychological issues) was her calling me a pervert one day. I did not know which real or possible perversion she was concerned about when she accused me of a strange bathroom perversion. Apparently, I often went to the bathroom at the same time she did (living above her and not attuned to noises in the house I actually have no idea when she used the bathroom--but apparently she knew when I did). I was sorely disappointed in that all the perversions I could or did have she chose to make up one so boring and pleasureless for me!
Posted by Floormaster Squeeze  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  10:51 AM
That is like my ad. I apreciate the humor in this, although I think it is authentic.
Posted by X  in  McKinney, TX  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  11:09 AM
Oh wow, I had forgotten about the Adrian Mole books. I loved those when I was a kid.

I had a roomate that was over the top, though she had an excuse as she was alchoholic, schizophrenic & manic depressive (something she had forgotten to let me know before I moved in).

I finally moved out after she had an episode where she had Christian music on at full blast at 4am. When I asked her what was up, she told me she was waiting for Jesus to come and marry her. Later that day she went to the bar she worked at to order drinks for her friend (who was in the chair across from her but invisible to all.)

After she came out of the hospital, she told me that while she was in she had gone through all the stages of evolution from one celled organism etc, back to herself over a matter of two weeks.
Posted by Winona  in  USA  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  12:22 PM
I have one qeustion. Why does he need to know favroite author?
Posted by Dany  in  Waco, Texas  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  01:37 PM
I was about to say I've had some really weird roommates too; then I read Winona's post. ohh I think you win the prize, W.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  03:48 PM
My brother Patrick recently had to move out of his apartment due to strange psychological issues with his roommate, Brad. One example of the strangeness was when our father telephoned Patrick's residence and instead got Brad, who proceeded to pretend to be Patrick for over 20 minutes, after which Brad abruptly said "you're not real" and hung up.

Oddly, this occurence calls to mind another incident several years ago when Patrick was using a public library computer to check his email and forgot to log off. Someone went into his hotmail account and sent an email to my dad saying, "Dad, I'm pregnant, send money!"
Posted by UsuallyDark  in  Los Angeles  on  Mon Apr 11, 2005  at  04:40 PM
I bet the advertiser's first name is Christian.....
Posted by DFSTuckey  in  Auckland New Zealand  on  Tue Apr 12, 2005  at  05:04 AM
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