Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


chuck norris doesnt chuck, he fucks
Posted by john  in  delta  on  Fri Dec 07, 2007  at  09:12 PM
As legend has it, if you scratch your balls, then rub Chuck Norris's beard while calling him a panzy. You will become the smartest man alive. Then so that all is made right the universe will correct it's self and knock you down a peg. Don't believe me ask Steven Hawkins.
Posted by Courtney  in  Chicago  on  Thu Dec 13, 2007  at  08:33 PM
Those are Used jokes this is origonal.The red sea is red because Chuck Norris Lived there For 0000000001 Sec.The reason why u Float in the red sea is because is becaus Chuck Norris wants to "Hide" the evidence.The FBI already Knows Their just to scared to tell Chuck.
Posted by IreshMan 37  on  Thu Dec 27, 2007  at  05:24 PM
When Chuck Norris walks, he isn't moving forward, but spinning the earth with his feet. With this, Chuck Norris inspired the log-run and the treadmill.
Posted by Matux  on  Thu Jan 03, 2008  at  02:53 PM
People always wonder what would happen if chuck norris was black

Its simple, if chuck norris was black white people would have been the slaves
Posted by TJ  in  New York  on  Thu Jan 17, 2008  at  07:14 PM
Chuck Norris once ran 10,000 mph... in slow motion.
Posted by FredFredBurger  in  Washington State  on  Sat Jan 19, 2008  at  11:33 PM
In 1972 a man asked Chuck Norris after the release of Way of the Dragon "what was it like to get your ass kicked." He was promptly round house kicked so hard that he was the first object to leave the solar system not Pioneer 10. Chuck Norris just lets all of us believe that Pioneer 10 was the first.
Posted by Jon  on  Thu Jan 24, 2008  at  05:06 PM
Chuck Norris pees sitting down because he can!
Posted by Bribo  in  Ohio  on  Fri Jan 25, 2008  at  05:54 AM
When a werwolf looks at a full moon he turns into Chuck Norris!
Posted by REUBEN STEVENS  on  Tue Jan 29, 2008  at  11:28 AM
People pray to god, God prays to Chuck Norris
Posted by DITES  in  Scotland  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:13 PM
The UN have put sanctions on Iran......because they fear they are trying to develop a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick!!!!!!
Posted by DITES  in  Scotland  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:19 PM
Reincarnation occurs when Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks you in2 your next life
Posted by DITES  in  Scotland  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:40 PM
Chuck Norris does not get constipated, His shits just to scared to come out
Posted by DITES  in  Scotland  on  Wed Jan 30, 2008  at  04:48 PM
"Chuck Norris once ate four 72. oz steaks in one hour, but had sex with the waitress for the first forty five minutes."
Posted by Chris Wiese  in  United States  on  Mon Feb 04, 2008  at  07:12 AM
Is there an official Chuck Norris Submission procedure. If not, I'm starting here with...

Little girls are made of sugar and spice and all things nice. Little boys are made of slugs and snails and puppy-dog's tails. Chuck Norris is made of four Bengal tigers and a gorilla.
Posted by Funtboy  on  Tue Feb 05, 2008  at  10:49 AM
'Roundhouse Kick' is an anagram of 'Chuck Norris'. If you choose to not believe this, the anagram will manifest itself in sentient form and roundhouse kick you to death.
Posted by Funtboy  on  Wed Feb 06, 2008  at  05:47 AM
Chuck Norris does not cut his grass,he stares at it and dares it to grow.

Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.

Chuck Norris can kick you in the back of the face.
Posted by bob  in  kentucky  on  Mon Feb 11, 2008  at  11:28 PM
What the hell is a chuck norris?? y'all should be doing better things for your self like getting laid other than saying crap about chuck fuckin norris. tell chuck norris I said HE SUCKS!,

if i don't send another post, then i'm dead... killed by chuck norris
Posted by Toby  in  Lagos/Nig  on  Fri Feb 15, 2008  at  01:41 PM
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors, he is dividable by zero, and he can pull a wheelie on a unicycle. He has two speeds; walk, and kill. At the dawn of time, when God said let there be light, Chuck Norris said "Say please."
Posted by Gman  on  Wed Feb 20, 2008  at  05:49 AM
God rest all your souls for i believe you all have parished from your trash talk of the man. We know as sir kills'alot. RIP my internet buddies.
Posted by caper  on  Fri Feb 29, 2008  at  09:18 PM
Elvis imitated chuck norris.
Posted by Jeff  in  maine  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:15 PM
Chuck Norris watches 60 minutes in 35.
Posted by Jeff  in  maine  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:17 PM
Chuck Norris' foreskin saved 455 burn victims.
Posted by Jeff  in  maine  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:19 PM
Chuck Norris ate the cross and shit toothpicks. (for your sins)
Posted by Jeff  in  maine  on  Thu Mar 06, 2008  at  12:20 PM
The first thing that popped up when I entered "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" in Google, was of the Bruce Lee film where Chuck had it handed to him by the ORIGINAL bad-ass. Hey now!
Posted by DUde  on  Mon Mar 10, 2008  at  09:08 AM
Chuck Norris can win a hockey game OT.

Chuck Norris' hockey team is always on a powerplay because, well, it's Chuck Norris' team.
Posted by Chuck  in  Chuckville  on  Wed Mar 12, 2008  at  04:54 PM
A long time ago, Chuck Norris's great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great, great grandfather punched a raccoon in the eyes, they are still black to this day !
Posted by john Wooder  in  Canada  on  Tue Mar 18, 2008  at  03:35 PM
In World WarII Germany heard of Chuck Norris and tryed to clone him.The closest they ever got was Mel Gibson
Posted by Dean Smith  on  Tue Mar 18, 2008  at  09:31 PM
Chuck Norris can win "The Game"
Posted by Don't Worry 'Bout Me  in  Juneau, Alaska, USA  on  Thu Mar 20, 2008  at  09:40 PM
Yo' momma' was so ugly... until Chuck Norris gave her a roundhouse kick in the face; then she became pretty.
Posted by Tara Nicole  in  San Fran  on  Sat Mar 22, 2008  at  12:23 PM
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