Hoax Museum Blog: Sex/Romance

Unusual Mineral Name — At first I thought this might be a bit of geological humor. But no. It appears to be quite serious and quite real. It's a mineral named Cummingtonite. So named because it's found in Cummington, Massachusetts. For those interested, its cleavage is good in two directions at 56 and 124 degree angles. Its hardness is 5-6. (via Snark Hunting)

Wanted: Girl Who Knits — Speaking of truth in advertising (see post below), I'm not sure that it pays to be as truthful as this personal ad on Craigslist is:

Will marry girl who knits
Reply to: [email protected]
Date: Wed Jan 05 07:25:22 2005
I will buy you a ring and propose to you if you can make one of these for me. I want to look silly during the winter.

But then again, he may just find the girl of his dreams.

Inauguration Pickup Scam — While other people are planning how to spend the day of the Inauguration protesting (or not spending a dime), here's a guy who's figured out that the Inauguration and all the related festivities represent an opportunity to trick women into going out with him. Here's his scam, as he tells it in this post on Craigslist DC (warning: not safe for work language): He placed an ad looking for a date to accompany him to a black tie inaugural ball. The one condition was that he wanted to meet his date for drinks a few days before the event. He claims that this has resulted in women calling him all the time, pleading with him to pick them as his date, buying him free drinks, etc. In reality, he doesn't have tickets to a black-tie event. Plus, he's a Democrat. I'm not sure if any part of this guy's story is true, but women should be on their guard.

Confessions of a New York Escort — The latest possible faux-blog gaining attention is nyhotties.com, the online diary of a twenty-something New Yorker named Alexa who quit her job as an editor's assistant at a fashion magazine a few years ago and became an escort (her blog is somewhat safe for work, R-rated language, but relatively tame images). This immediately invites comparison to Belle de Jour the supposed London call girl who kept a blog. Belle managed to secure a book deal from her true-confessions blog (her book arrives in stores in just two weeks). Like Belle, Alexa doesn't offer any proof to back up her claim that she's a call girl. You just have to take her word for it. Also like Belle, Alexa is quite well educated, "Majoring in English and Philosophy in a good New England liberal arts college," and seems to have literary ambitions.

In one of her recent posts Alexa addresses the issue of people doubting whether she really is an escort, noting that "One reader went so far as to suggest that I'm actually a 300lb man in some office in Nebraska." Alexa claims to be "genuinely perplexed" about people's doubts, not seeming to realize that if she makes an extraordinary (or even somewhat unusual) claim, then the burden of proof should be on her to prove her claim. It shouldn't be on all of us to prove that she isn't real. If she's not willing to offer such proof, then we shouldn't be willing to believe her. After all, there's an obvious motive for her to lie: to get attention and possibly land a book deal. Sure, read her blog if you find it amusing. But why take the extra step of actively believing her? Unfortunately most people don't maintain this skeptical distance because the human impulse to believe is very, very strong, which is exactly why con artists stay in business.

Alexa pleads that we have to take her word for it, because there's no way for her to prove that she does what she says she does. It doesn't occur to her to invite a trusted third-party person, such as a reporter, to verify her story. But then, that option never seems to occur to the Rances and Belle de Jours of this world.

Case of the Phony Dawn — Here's a story that ranks about as high in the weirdness category as that story about the sleep-sex woman. Stephen Hill invites four guys over to his house to have sex with a woman named Dawn. This goes on for three years. Finally, it occurs to the guys: 'are we really having sex with Dawn... or is that just Stephen pretending to be Dawn?' Three years to figure this out! With a story like this you know there's got to be a lot more to it than you're getting in the news report.

How To Pick Up Women — According to Don Diebel, "Americas #1 Singles Expert", the secret to picking up women is hand puppets. (so that's what I was doing wrong back when I was single... no hand puppets!). Here's what you do:

When you see a girl that you're attracted to, approach her and tap her on the shoulder lightly with your puppet and when she turns around raise your hand puppet towards her face and say something like this with your puppet, "Hi beautiful, would you like to dance with me?" Move your puppet up and down with your hand as you are saying your script just as if the puppet was really talking. And be sure to talk in a real silly voice.

As far as I can tell, Mr. Diebel is perfectly serious. (via J-Walk)

Wing Women — Once you get tired of socializing with your imaginary eBay girlfriend, you might want to meet a real woman... in person. But how do you go about doing this? That's where Wing Women comes in. "What we provide at wingwomen.com is an attractive, outgoing and fun spirited Wing Woman who will do her best to introduce you to other women." For only $50 an hour, a wing woman will meet you at a bar, or other public place, and then she'll pretend that she's your friend. In other women's eyes this will seem like a seal of approval (i.e. he's got one female friend, so there must be something okay about him). Soon the women will be flocking around you. Of course, eventually they'll find out that you hired your female friend. Then it'll be back to the imaginary eBay girlfriend.

Crown Jewels on Display — In this picture that's caused quite a sensation in England, Lt. Col. Simon West reveals exactly what's beneath his kilt during a group photograph with the Queen. But is the picture real? Apparently so. According to articles in a variety of British papers, the accidental exposure was witnessed by hundreds of people. It happened on Nov. 9 as the Queen posed with the 1st Battalion of the Argyll and Sutherland Highlanders. This assumes, of course, that the exposure was accidental. Lt. Col West insists that it was. All the papers seem to be running a censored version of the picture, but Snopes has posted what looks like the original version (click the image on the right for the uncensored, nsfw version). They say it's status is undetermined, but it looks legitimate to me. The version that ran in the papers seems too tame to have caused such a fuss.

Gnomes Escape from Gnome Peepshow — Reuters reports that scantily clad garden gnomes have disappeared from a "gnome peepshow" located in an East German amusement park. So what exactly is a gnome peepshow? It's an attraction where "visitors peep through keyholes to see the saucy German miniatures in compromising poses." Perhaps the risque gnomes will one day return, accompanied by snapshots of their globe-trotting adventures. (Thanks to Big Gary C for forwarding this story to me)

Superendowed Cheney — I believe that this picture might give me nightmares. Is it fake? Apparently not. It was taken by Dale Guldan, a Milwaukee Journal Sentinel photographer. It ran in the Journal Sentinel on Sept. 11, accompanying this article. The editors claim that they never noticed that strange bulge in Cheney's pants... until readers began pointing it out. So if the picture isn't fake, what could that bulge be? I refuse to believe, as many have jokingly suggested, that Dick is 'superendowed'. So if it's not that, could it be something in his pocket or attached to his leg? My theory is that it's either a security device, or an incontinence device. Whatever it is, I don't think they can blame this on poor tailoring. For more info see here. (click on the image for a larger version) (via blue lemur)

Lucina Sine Concubitu — Lucina Sine Concubitu translates roughly to 'pregnancy without intercourse.' Here's a site that uses a 'strange book' by this title published in 1772 as a launching-off point to explore the history of the subject. It's full of fascinating and odd details such as medieval church debates about exactly how the Virgin Mary was impregnated by the Holy Ghost: was it "by way of the ear, the gullet, the nose, by way of breathing into her God's breathe, hearing God's word, being Overshadowed by a Divine cloud, etc." Or the old Roman belief that mares can be made pregnant simply by "turning east and inhaling the wind from that direction." Or whether sperm can be carried on the wind. Some of the most amusing details are the excuses that women throughout history have come up with to explain to their husbands how they managed to get pregnant even though the two haven't been together recently, such as the excuse of this somewhat naive girl: "It's true that my husband has gone a long time ago, but we write each other..."

Name Change for I-69 — Is Indiana Congressman John Hostettler really introducing legislation to change the name of Interstate 69 to Interstate 63, because religious groups feel that I-69 is too risque whereas I-63 is more 'moral sounding'? Of course not. But the story has spread pretty far by now. When I first saw the headline linked to on Blogdex, I assumed it was real after glancing at it quickly. I should have known better. After all, the story comes from the Hoosier Gazette, which is becoming well known as a source of news hoaxes. Check out this article at Indystar.com about Josh Whicker, the creator of the Hoosier Gazette. He's already scored three successful hoaxes before this one. There was the one claiming that a five-year study at Indiana University had discovered that new parents often experience a sudden loss in IQ (that fooled MSNBC). There was the one claiming that Purdue University had given a basketball scholarship to the wrong Jason Smith (to a 5'6" Jason Smith computer geek, not 6'6" Jason Smith point guard). And then there was one about a guy who won the lottery two days after his divorce was final. As for the I-69 name change thing, it's already been picked up as real news by the Sierra Times, and reportedly, according to the Courier Press (requires registration), Hostettler's congressional office has been fielding outraged calls about the issue all day from people who don't realize the story was a joke.

Weird Pillows — Researchers at Carnegie Mellon have developed the latest in long-distance surrogate affection. It's a robotic pillow named The Hug. Katie in Kansas hugs her pillow, which then transmits a signal over the phone lines, instructing another pillow in Florida to start squeezing Grandma. It's meant to bring the sense of touch back to long-distance communication. But for some reason I think I'm going to stick with simple phone calls (I have visions of the pillow malfunctioning and not letting go).

Not to be outdone, Japanese inventors have developed the Girlfriend Lap Pillow. Put simply, it is "a pillow imitating a woman's legs made from urethane foam." Tired Japanese businessmen can pretend that they're taking a nap with their head on their girlfriend's lap. Kind of like the Boyfriend Arm Pillow, but slightly creepier. I'm sure a fusion of the robotic Hug and the Girlfriend Lap Pillow is being developed somewhere, by someone. And while listing weird pillows, of course I can't leave out the breast pillow.

Boo Bee Juice Drink — Could the makers of Boo Bee Juice Drink really not realize the double meaning of the product's name? Or do they realize perfectly well and are going for the titillation/subliminal advertising thing? I'm sure even kids would pick up on what the name means, especially when they hear the adults giggling behind their backs. I suspect it all could be another Haribo-Fruit-Chews-type marketing ploy. (via Boing Boing)

Was the eBay Wedding Invitation Auction a Hoax? — Last week this was the big thing on the internet: some guy in Scotland was selling invitations on eBay to a wedding he didn't want to go to. He said that the groom was a former mate of his, but the bride was a "dog." Bidding on the tickets reached £400, and that was with strict controls to make sure all the bids were genuine. But last night Twinklydog (as the guy called himself) cancelled the auction, admitting that the bride was his former girlfriend and that he was still in love with her. He said he was going to the wedding after all, in a last minute attempt to win her back. I'm undecided about whether the auction was genuine or a hoax all along. I guess as long as Twinklydog remains anonymous we'll never know the real story.

Sleep Sex — Australia's The Age reports on the strange nocturnal exploits of a middle-aged woman living with a steady partner. "By night, she crept out of their house to seek random sex with strangers. But the woman was unaware of her own double life, which was conducted while she was asleep." The doctor who is treating her, Dr. Peter Buchanan, claims that she is suffering from a rare syndrome known as 'Sleep Sex', which he's hoping will soon be officially recognized as a legitimate sleep disorder. Dr. Buchanan also notes that "Incredulity is the first staging post for anyone involved in this... One has to maintain a healthy degree of scepticism." I think I'm definitely still in the incredulity and skepticism stages, because I'm having a very hard time believing this could be true. I can understand doing things around the house like making a sandwich (or even trying to have sex with your partner) while asleep. But I can't understand how anyone could leave their house, meet a stranger, and engineer a sexual encounter... while being asleep the entire time. I would accept that she may be suffering from Multiple Personality Disorder, but Sleep Sex... I'm not buying that yet.
Update: Here's an article in New Scientist about the sleep-walking woman. I'm still not convinced she was really sleeping. But it mentions a prior case where a man drove 23 kilometres, killed both his in-laws, then pleaded innocent to the murders by reason of being asleep... amazing. Can a person get out of anything by claiming to be asleep?

False Alert — Normally I ignore things like bomb hoaxes, but this one was too good to pass up. Security officials at Mackay Airport went on high alert and evacuated the terminal when a "rubbish bin started humming furiously." Upon inspection, they discovered a vibrating sex toy "emitting a lively buzzing sound" inside the trash can. A sheepish 26-year-old man stepped forward and admitted the device was his. He had thrown it away before boarding because he didn't want to go through security with it. "But instead of remaining discreetly discarded, it somehow managed to turn itself on."

Lonely Hearts Scam — So out of the blue this girl from Russia sends you an email via Yahoo Personals. The two of you start corresponding. She sends you her picture... and she's really freakin' hot! Then she says she wants to call you. But she also insists that you give her your mailing address and full name. Why would she need that? So the question is: are you being set up to be scammed? If so, then what's the scam? That's the real-life question facing Johnny over at LiveJournal. I don't know exactly what the scam is, or even if there is one, though it sounds like one to me. Posting under the username 'hornswoggle' I theorized that Johnny could be faced with either some kind of identity theft scam, or the classic Lonely Hearts Scam. In the Lonely Hearts Scam, men are duped into sending gifts and money to beautiful female pen-pals, not realizing that their pen-pals are never who they claim to be. One of the most famous practitioners of this con was Susanna Mildred Hill, a 60-year-old mother of ten who conned hundreds of men out of thousands of dollars during the 1940s by convincing them that she was actually a beautiful young woman in her 20s.

Explicit Scenes On Haribo’s Fruit Chews? — Do the new graphics on boxes of Haribo's Maoam fruit chews show scenes of explicit sex? The members of St. Blasien Jesuit College think they do, and have publicly complained about them. The boxes depict various fruits frolicking with a blobby lime-colored creature. Are the scenes as bad as the college says? Well, you've got to admit that the College has a point. After all, what is that lemon doing with the lime-blob? Even Haribo admits that the packaging is "very racy." So my guess is that the sexual overtones are deliberate. But on the other hand, we are just talking about fruits and a lime blob. So maybe all of us who think the lemon and lime-blob are getting it on, just have dirty minds. The controversy reminds me of that rogue tin of Huntley & Palmers biscuits, but on a much larger scale.
Update: The story gets even better. Turns out that the faculty of the Jesuit College never complained about the racy candy packaging. The letter of complaint actually was "a hoax perpetrated by pupils at the school who admitted writing it and posting it on the Internet 'as a joke'." The German tabloid press found the letter, thought it was real, and reported it as news. You gotta love the tabloids. Of course, this still doesn't answer the question of just what is that lemon doing with the lime-blob?

Child Pimp & Ho Costumes — Looking for a unique Halloween costume for your kid? Then check out the Child Pimp & Ho Costumes offered by Brands On Sale. For your boy you have a choice of the generic pimp suit costume, the long pimp daddy suit, cheetah pimp suit, or zebra pimp suit. But for your girl you're limited to just a single ho costume (though you could send her out in the spoiled brat girl costume). And let Fido join in the fun with the pimp suit dog costume. A link to these costumes was doing the blog rounds last week, and when I first saw them I figured they were simply costumes in bad taste... not a hoax. But according to des femmes they are a hoax. Des femmes reports that, "I spoke with Jonathan at Brands On Sale. He said the page was hacked and they're still trying to remove it from the server. The pimp costumes are actually zoot suits and the ho costume is supposed to be a flapper." This was posted on the 25th. It's now six days later and Brands on Sale apparently still has not been able to correct the item descriptions, which seems a little suspicious. But we'll have to wait and see what happens.
Update: Looks like I was wrong. This Yahoo! News story that Dwight linked to in the comments seems to indicate that Brands on Sale is seriously selling these outfits... that they weren't the creation of a hacker.