The Museum of Hoaxes
Puns
Posted By:
Evildream
in You mamas house
Apr 13, 2005
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.



A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.



There was a guy who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked. "No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."



Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.

Category: Puzzles-Jokes-Riddles; Replies: 168

Comments
Page 2 of 3 pages  < 1 2 3 > 
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:45 PM
Hey, I'd split the take with the winner.

*thinks fast - well, as fast as he can*

In fact, I'll give you all the winnings.

*Doh!*
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:47 PM
Ok, then I forgive you....
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:50 PM
Women are opium to the people
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:50 PM
Awww, thanks Pooh.

*thinks for a minute*

*thinks for another minute*

*does some work*

*thinks again - got it!*

Wait a minute! You're the one who cheated on me. You should be apologizing! You're just trying to bewitch me with your womanly black magic and boobs!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:52 PM
I have great ones, too. If it works, it works.


Uhhhh... it did work, didn't it?
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:54 PM
I don't know. The picture wasn't clear enough.
😊

Do you use ZoneAlarm?
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:55 PM
Whyyyyyyy?
Myst
Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:55 PM
I don't fight over men either, besides Winona is such a sweetie, she can have you. 😉

Ahhhh, A picture, let me think about that one.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:56 PM
M, gee, thanks. 😉
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:58 PM
<a href="http://inetexplorer.mvps.org/answers.htm">http://inetexplorer.mvps.org/answers.htm</a>
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 02:59 PM
If you're nervous about posting a pic Myst, you can paint some clothing on if you want.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:01 PM
None of us is as attractive as our imagination leads us to believe.

And if you are I dislike you intensely.
😡
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:02 PM
Aha! Thanks sweetie, got it. 😊 I didn't mean for you to have to research it for me, I apprciate it!
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:03 PM
Myst, we can also give Charyby the Lear treatment before you post. Then at least you'll be sure he doesn't see it.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:03 PM
So it works?
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:04 PM
Yep, you're moving now, woohoo. 😊
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:06 PM
I think I'm pretty realistic as to how attractive I am (or not)... as for others, I don't think anyone has to worry about me judging them.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:07 PM
Random Guy: (if you're reading this) Is your Avatar from the Stickman Ninja people? I think I just finally placed it....
The Curator
in San Diego
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:12 PM
Maybe I'll have to create a 'hot or not' page so that MOH members can judge each other's pictures. 😉
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:13 PM
Ay yi yi... I'm not sure if I want to go through that. I don't care what people think, but if I end up with a 2/10 or less, I dunno if I wanna know that.

🐛
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:14 PM
Ah, It is spring, and what else can I bring into this wonderful thread?

We've had Shakespeare, West Side Story, the bad puns starting it, a challenge to a duel, separation and reconsiliation, female intrigue, alpha male behaviour, avatar trouble, and the troubles of Microsoft (hmmmm, isn't that a pleonasm?).

We can continue with the Shakespeare of course...maybe continue with a bit of a Mid-April Nights Dream?
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:18 PM
Well, Winona's hot. Glamcat's hot. Razela's hot. I don't think I've seen anyone else's pics except yours and LaMa's, and I'm sorry, I'm just not attracted to either of you.
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:18 PM
HA! A MOH version of "hot or not". Alex, in that case make a version with a textual command option. a friend of mine and me have recently been laughing our butts of my MSN-ing each other 'hot or not' photo URL's accompanied by short self-made bylines. That was of the highest order of fun.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:20 PM
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:28 PM
I havent been on for a day and you people turn my post into an orgie!!!!



oh and you made me some more cash!!!


(JK)
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:30 PM
For an orgy there has to be sex....I didn't get any, don't know if anyone else did tho. 😉
Mark-N-Isa
in Midwest USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:30 PM
I say do it Alex... despite the fact everyone will be FOREVER asking me... "So how's doof like you land a hottie like that?!?!?"

😊
The Curator
in San Diego
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:35 PM
It would also be interesting to have people show 3 or 4 different pictures and make people guess which one is them.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:38 PM
Wouldn't work for me now, but it could be interesting. I don't know anyone who ends up looking like forum friends pictured them.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:46 PM
Guess which is me!

http://www.mujweb.cz/www/livtyler/PICTURES/liv118.jpg

http://images-eu.amazon.com/images/P/B00005RDQI.02.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

http://scienceworld.wolfram.com/biography/pics/Copernicus.jpg

Bet you won't get it.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:48 PM
Ah ha, now I know your secret identity, Peter Parker!
Sharruma
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:50 PM
No, no no no no no

I'd get a rating in the negatives and I don't think I could face that.

I prefer to live with my delusion that I am the most handsome man in the world and I don't want realty to infringe on that.
Sharruma
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:53 PM
So Charybdis is either

Columbus, Peter Parker or some woman in a strip club
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:53 PM
How could real estate infringe upon your delusions?
:cheese:

Pooh, baby. Wanna come "hang" with me sometime?
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:55 PM
Chary, that could lead to some interesting postitions, lol!!!
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:56 PM
Honestly!

Liv Tyler (drooolll....)

Spidey

Copernicus.


Philistines
🙄
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:57 PM
Pooh, "come into my parlor..."
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:58 PM
hey Charybdis you got any topless shots???
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 03:59 PM
Can I wear a Poison Ivy costume?

Ah damn, that's Batman, isn't it? Ah well.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:01 PM
Yeah ED, I Do. I must warn ya, though - I don't have much hair on my chest.
Sharruma
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:02 PM
Actually I thought it might be Copper knickers in the first place, but he looks more like the idealised version of Columbo
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:04 PM
ummm... i have no idea how to respond to that...

Was that a joke about you being a guy or you saying that im gay?
Sharruma
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:05 PM
ED wrote
hey Charybdis you got any topless shots???


So you have a foot or leg fetish??
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:08 PM
ED - I didn't say you were gay. You were the one who asked.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:10 PM
Winona, if it's so hard for you to come up with a costume I'll make it easy for you.

You don't have to wear anything at all.
😊
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 04:33 PM
. :red:
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 06:52 PM
Hey, if people are wanting pictures, I posted mine last weekend. <a href="http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/forum/forum_comments/2878/">See.</a>
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 07:07 PM
Man, I've been missing out! I just notice Smerk's Av is also animated.....
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 07:18 PM
Yup, my avatar is very subtle on the animation!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 07:21 PM
I actually couldn't see the animation till today...zone alarm was blocking it.

I'm on the hunt now for an animated one too. 😊
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 07:35 PM
Hmmm...doesn't look so hot. Try try again, I guess...
Myst
Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 08:25 PM
Wow I missed out on all the good stuff.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 08:30 PM
LOL, it was a fun day.
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 08:40 PM
I agree with Myst. If only I hadn't needed that vital sleep, I could've put my 5 cents in! :lol:
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 09:19 PM
See Smerk, you're just in the wrong country!
I probably should have been a lot more productive today than I really was, but ah well. 😊
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 09:30 PM
I could probably be a lot more productive too, but it's more fun this way!

And there's nothing wrong with being in Australia. 😠 I can't help it if everyone else is half a day behind me!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 09:38 PM
OMG, time travel!!

...I know, not funny...
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 09:42 PM
Been there, done that!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 09:43 PM
:P
Myst
Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 10:28 PM
Will Winona choose Chary or LaMa? Find our tomarrow by Tuning in to "One Hoax to Live".

LOL
Page 2 of 3 pages  < 1 2 3 > 

 Note: This thread is located in the Old Forum of the Museum of Hoaxes.