The Museum of Hoaxes
Puns
Posted By:
Evildream
in You mamas house
Apr 13, 2005
The maharajah of an Indian Province issued a royal decree. He ordered that no one was to kill any wild animals while he was the country's leader. The decree was honored until there were so many Bengal Tigers running loose that the people revolted and threw the maharajah from power. This is the first known instance of the reign being called on account of the game.



A farmer was milking his cow. He was just starting to get a good rhythm going when a bug flew into the barn and started circling his head. Suddenly, the bug flew into the cow's ear. The farmer didn't think much about it, until the bug squirted out into his bucket. It went in one ear and out the udder.



There was a guy who entered a local paper's pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.



As migration approached, two elderly vultures doubted they could make the trip south, so they decided to go by airplane. When they checked their baggage, the attendant noticed that they were carrying two dead raccoons. "Do you wish to check the raccoons through as luggage?" she asked. "No, thanks," replied the vultures. "They're carrion."



Queen Nyteshade had two claims to fame. She could tell fortunes and she was a midget. The local authorities frowned on her because they thought that fortune telling was fraudulent. They had Queeny arrested. She was placed in a holding cell. Since she was so small she was able to squeeze between the bars of her cell and escape. This to incensed the judge that he ordered the local newspaper to print an article about the culprit. The following was printed in the paper the next day. Small medium at large.

Category: Puzzles-Jokes-Riddles; Replies: 168

Comments
Page 3 of 3 pages  < 1 2 3
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 11:38 PM
...popping in before I try and sleep for once...

The management of this station regrets to inform you that tommorrow's program has been pre-empted by a trip to Chicago.

Be back tommorrow night. Have fun you guys!
Myst
Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 11:54 PM
Have fun in Chicago, Winona.
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Thu Apr 14, 2005 | 11:57 PM
Have a nice sleep, Winona! Stop reading this now, and go to bed!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:00 AM
Yes'm. 😊

I'll miss you guys. (Is there a MOH addiction group yet?)
Myst
Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:02 AM
I knew she would post again! :lol:

We will start one when you get back, Winona.

Now go get some sleep!!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:04 AM
Argh, ok ok ok.

I'm done.... final post...adieu adieu...
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:04 AM
....goodnight.


LOL!
Myst
Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:07 AM
gnight.....
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:19 AM
Has she gone yet?

I definitely agree on the MOH addiction thing...
Myst
Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:27 AM
There does seem to be a bit of MOH addiction around here.

See what you started, Alex, it's all your fault!
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:41 AM
Maybe we should start an MOHAA (MOH Addicts Anon.) :lol:
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 01:48 AM
I am LaMa and I am an addict!





(and I am having my 35th birthday today too)
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 01:49 AM
allright, say it out loud now the rest of you, self-recgnition is the first step:

"I am ..... ad I am an addict!"
Sharruma
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 02:05 AM
I am Sharruma and I can give it up any time I...
Oooooh Pretty looking hoax, must investigate.
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 02:06 AM
Happy birthday LaMa!

I am Smerk, and I am...hang on

What are you addicted to LaMa?
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 02:07 AM
And of course, maybe we should start this off as a new thread?
Boo
in The Land of the Haggii...
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 03:43 AM
Happy Birthday LaMa!

Damn, too late to give you the bumps.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 08:20 AM
Happy Birthday LaMa. One year closer to death.
:cheese:

God you're old. Fortunately I won't be 35 for another seven months. Of course, I haven't discovered anything, either. Well, not anything I can show the rest of you.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 08:29 AM
What am I going to do without my Pooh today?
:down:
http://members.aol.com/gorayman/anipooh1.gif

Maybe get some work accomplished. I goofed off far to much yesterday. But it was fun.
:lol:

This reminds me of a picture a friend of mine once drew. There was no caption, just a picture of Pooh watching TV with Rabbit's head on top and the ears cocked at an odd angle.
Hairy Houdini
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 08:51 AM
Hi. My name is Hairy (Hi, Hairy), and I'm a Hoaxaholic... It's been 14 hours since my last hoax post. (Whee- you go, Hairy) It got so bad for me that I was sneaking small pranks at work, and telling bad puns on the bus- all I could think about was getting home and opening another can of Hoax Worms... So, I said, the hell with it, I don't work anymore, and I never leave the comp. Thanks for caring (thanks for sharing...snicker)
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 09:02 AM
Welcome Hairy. Here's your new member coin.

http://cache.tias.com/stores/recoverygifts/pictures/r-01-10-05-06a.jpg

Sorry, we're fresh out of llama ones.
Myst
Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 10:32 AM
I am Myst and I am a hoax addict.

Happy Birthday LaMa!
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 10:44 AM
Welcome Myst. We only have the one coin so you'll have to wrestle it from Hairy.

It's weird. I've been online since the days of BBS's and I've never become a part of an online community. I've never partaken of the chatrooms and very seldom have posted messages in forums. Not being a social creature it's always been something I hated, but here I sorta just settled in and enjoyed myself. Very weird. I hope this doesn't start a trend.
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 11:20 AM
i dont have a problem i can stop whenever i want




😠
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 11:22 AM
*Punches Hairy in the back of the head and takes the cion*
Evildream
in You mamas house
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 11:22 AM
sweet, its a camel!
Sharruma
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:34 PM
Look I'm telling you I don't have a problem, I don't need counselling I...
Oooooo A man with three buttocks, must go see.
Sharruma
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 12:44 PM
Do you have a problem, if you answer yes to any one of these questions then you might have a problem.

1. Do you find yourself unable to sleep because your composing a message in your mind?

2. When you do sleep, are your dreams filled with ideas of hoaxes you'd like to pull?

3. When you have time on your hands, do you visit the museum of hoaxes instead of doing something more constructive such as cooking or cleaning.

4. Does your time at work revolve around opportunities to check the forums.

5. Do you feel the need to check the forums first thing in the morning and again as soon as you get home.

6. Do you feel the need to check the forums first before doing anything else with your computer.

7. Do you sometimes feel the forums makes a nice surrogate chat room?

8. Are you willing to argue with someone regardless of what you actually think about a situation, just to keep that someone posting new comments on the forum

9. Is your spouse threatening to leave you because you spend too much time on the forums?

10. When surfing the net, do you keep one browser/tab linked constantly to museum so you can respond when anything new happens

If you answered yes to just one of these then you may have a problem, if you answered yes to two or more, then Hoaxaholics Anonymous is for you.
Charybdis
in Hell
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 01:00 PM
3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 10

:down:
Myst
Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 03:12 PM
Yes to 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 10 :lol:
Citizen Premier
in spite of public outcry
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 03:51 PM
Yay, only three five and six!
Ok, fine, maybe seven. But hoaxes come before chatting. Ideally.

and #11: Do you feel a need to spell check any word that looks like it has a faint possibility of being misspelled, just because you want to look professional?
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 08:15 PM
3,5,6,7,8,10

I'm Winona & I'm definately a MOH addict. I think I need help. 😊
Raoul
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 09:09 PM
Winona: Did you have the trip to your Chicago? I have never been, but I am much the fan of Al Capone. Do you know of him? He was too much the man. Rrrraoul
Hairy Houdini
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 09:24 PM
You can't keep ignoring the problem, Raoul. Just tell where you left the damn thing.
Raoul
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 09:29 PM
I am too sorry for you. Do I know you? I don't know of what you are asking me. Bother me no more, or I shall be forced to taunt you. Rrrraoul
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Fri Apr 15, 2005 | 09:54 PM
Ra: had a good time, tho I am very very tuckered out. Drove by Al Capone twice today tho...next time I'll give him your regards. 😉 A lot of people still leave him whiskey etc - should I do that for you too?
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 12:15 AM
Ummm...1,3,4,5,6,10...damn I'm so addicted...Checking on weekends when I have nothing else worth doing, keeping a spreadsheet open to make it look like I'm doing work, talking about things I've read here...


Okay. Hi everyone, I'm Smerk, and I'm very sorry to say that I have an addiction to the Museum of Hoaxes website and attached forum. So far I'm blaming this addiction on everyone else for making it so darned interesting!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 12:58 AM
Hmmm...I think I must be adding #1. I'm still not sleeping yet (2am), and the first thing I do is come back on here. I've giving up my prime book reading time!
Myst
Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 11:21 AM
Citizen, your added #11 fits me too.

I'm going to add one more #12 do you surf the net looking for stuff to either send to Alex for his weblog or to post in the forum. *Raises Hand*

Poor Winona, even after a long and tiring trip you can't sleep. I call that being tired, but wired. I hate it when I get like that. Oh and welcome back, Chary and LaMa have been beside themselves with you gone.
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 12:06 PM
I'm sure they survived just fine. I don't think I have that much real influence on them. 😉
The Curator
in San Diego
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 12:07 PM
So many hoaxaholics! At last, I feel like I'm not alone. Thank god for the internet. Ten years ago I would meet people at parties and tell them that I was studying hoaxes, and they'd look at me like I was a complete nut (except for my wife... thank god I met her). Anyway, people still look at me like I'm a nut when I tell them I study hoaxes, but at least I know I'M NOT ALONE! I have a name for my disease. I'm a hoaxaholic.

Of course, you all are facilitators, facilitating each other's hoaxaholism. Thanks to you all I'll now never free myself from this condition.
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 01:35 PM
3, 5, 7 & 8

Not as bad as some of the others here.
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 01:37 PM
Winona de Pooh wrote:
I'm sure they survived just fine. I don't think I have that much real influence on them. 😉

Yes. I reality, my girl is called Judith.
LaMa
in Europe
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 01:39 PM
Alex wrote:
Ten years ago I would meet people at parties and tell them that I was studying hoaxes, and they'd look at me like I was a complete nut (except for my wife... thank god I met her)

I think she was collecting hoaxes....

😝
Myst
Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 02:29 PM
Alex, it is your fault we are all hoxaholics. You started the Museum of Hoaxes weblog and the forum. We came to visit and you trapped us in your web of hoaxes!
Winona
in USA
 Member
Posted: Sat Apr 16, 2005 | 02:33 PM
AGH!!!!!!!! It's the Website of Dooom. Run away, run away!
Mark-N-Isa
in Midwest USA
 Member
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 | 06:55 PM
3,4,5,6,8,10...

But I can stop anytime necessary, just like with smoking!

😏
Smerk
in to mischief
 Member
Posted: Mon Apr 18, 2005 | 07:04 PM
Okay, I missed reading CP's #11. I have to add that one on too...
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 Note: This thread is located in the Old Forum of the Museum of Hoaxes.