The April Fool Archive

Vertical Bath    (April Fool's Day - 2013)

Bathstore, a UK seller of bath products, announced a "world first in bathing" — a Vertical Bath. The product was designed to allow homeowners to save space in their homes, while simultaneously being able to enjoy the pleasure of soaking in a bathtub. To use the Vertical Bath, you simply stepped into it, closed the door firmly behind you, and allowed it to fill with water.

Bubble baths were not recommended.

Bathstore launches world's first Vertical Bath™
Love the feel of a long soak in a hot bath but don't have the space for a tub in your bathroom? We are proud to announce a world first in bathing – the revolutionary Vertical Bath™.

Using new breakthroughs in rotational liquid technology Bathstore boffins have solved a problem faced by millions of homeowners struggling for space around the UK. With its simple, attractive design the Vertical Bath™ occupies the same floor area as a basic shower unit, but instead of spraying water down from above it slowly and gently fills with warm water from the base up.

Chief Bathstore developer Dr Nisan Aptal said: "We all like a good soak, but with modern living spaces getting smaller and smaller we wanted to find a way to still ensure you could fit a bath in even the tiniest bathroom.

"Once we had the basic design down we tested a series of prototypes and eventually struck on the idea of including air-holes at head-height. We still don't recommend adding bubbles; it can get very foamy in there."

The Vertical Bath™ unit is simple and easy to operate following these simple steps:

1. Step into the Vertical Bath™ and secure the door firmly behind you.
2. Turn on the water flow using the temperature and flow dial situated on the inner wall of the unit. Be careful not to knock the door open at this stage.
3. Stand and relax while the bath slowly fills up, encasing you in warm, cleansing water.
4. Turn off the flow when it reaches your shoulders. This step is very important.
5. Also, this is a good moment to reiterate the instruction not to open the door. Seriously, you do not want to have to clean that up.
6. When you are finished enjoying the new bath sensation press the "QuickDrain" button and the bath will empty through a sluice in the floor.
7. Step out the bath feeling clean and refreshed.

More content from the Hoax Museum: