I've received a free copy of David Wilton's new book,
Word Myths: Debunking Linguistic Urban Legends, courtesy of Oxford University Press. So I'm having a contest to give it away. The book has just been published. I'm not sure it's even out in stores yet, but you can get a copy here... if you win the contest.
First, what's the book about? Wilton debunks all those stories about where words come from, such as 'is GOLF really an acronym for Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden?' or 'does SOS stand for Save Our Souls?' or 'was F**K originally an acronym meaning For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge?' You'll have to get the book to find out the answers. It's a lot of fun, and quite enlightening.
Here's what I've decided for the contest: urban legend haiku. I figure this is appropriate since it's a book about urban legends and language. Whoever comes up with the best haiku describing an urban legend (or a hoax, since this is the Museum of Hoaxes) wins the contest. What's 'best' will, of course, be subjectively decided by me.
If you need inspiration, examples of urban legend haiku can be found
here or
here. I'm not going to be a stickler about whether or not entries maintain proper haiku form (three lines: first line five syllables, second line seven syllables, third line five syllables), since apparently the idea that haiku must adhere strictly to this form is itself a bit of an urban legend. Keep it to three lines, but if the number of syllables isn't perfect, I don't care.
Here's my own rather weak attempt at a hoax haiku. It took me all of a minute to write:
Enclosed in glass,
Soon she'll be rectangular,
My Bonsai Kitten.
You'll have to do better than this to win the book.
The contest will end on Nov. 20, about a week from today (oh, and you can submit as many haiku as you like).
Update: And one more thing, submit your entries as comments. Don't email them to me directly.
Update: Okay, the contest is now closed. I need a day or two to review all the entries.
Comments
Some of my haiku efforts
In no set order:
Spectres for auction
Proliferate on eBay
For your ghostly needs
Hi! Microsoft is
Tracking this missive. Send on,
and wait for hand-outs.
Cryptic predictions
enshrined in his poetry
Hail, Nostradamus
My arm is itchy...
Heavens forfend! The spider
Bites with Novocaine
Armstrong stuns the world
From earthbound studio. That
will show the Russians
Zionist penis melters.
Damn that robot comb!
But then she saw the message:
"People can lick, too."
White porcelain resting place
My kidneys are gone.
Choking on human fingers
Where did they come from?
Alex's jackalope is
really a jackdeer.
My dog gasps for air
Choking on human fingers
Whose hand are they from?
Hoist boulders on fingertips.
What are they eating?
Twins alone at home
filled rooms with junk and clutter
Died of Poverty
your accurate height and weight
Big(:) source of income
assume a leadership role
lead them to their death
That highway will take your time
on memory lane
does good deeds, stops crime, wins hearts.
Monkeyman is here.
Verging on the ludicrous
father, son and holy toast (yeah I know 7 sylables)
Pope is different to most
John is really Joan
He is a very good sport,
and spells pretty well.
I invented internet,
and won Florida.
or methane will fill your nose
like someone broke wind.
Not heartburn; pop rocks and coke
Hey, Mikey liked it.
Neil Armstrong takes 'One small step'
In Studio 4.
reflect laser beams from earth
Proof man was on Moon
How do we know they are there?
NASA says they are!
Wearing a wet wedding dress,
And then she was gone.
Don't trust the baby sitter!
Child in the oven?
That explains a lot of things
What's New Pussycat?
Then really for sure I'll Know
I am no poet
Offers to make me one to
Just follow his plan
Break the chain, receive a curse
Throw it in the bin!
Gang banger makes a U-turn
I am in his sights
woman breastfeeds her puppy
museum of hoaxes
Alas! It is ether, and
her purse is stolen
UPS mailmen.
Trust not - clever terrorists
Have been on eBay.
Orangutan jaw
with human skull fools Science
Naughty Charles Dawson
Cheney's pocket's full
of something; so they don't call
him "Dick" for nothing.
says, "Free kittens to good home."
Snake food, anyone?
verses in Haiku format,
it's hard to stop it.
I hope you're collecting these verses to make a book, or at least a chapter of a book.
Moms-to-be rallied
To bear signs: "Nixon's the One!"
Oh, that Tricky Dick.
Lou Stone's Wild Man hoax
Freaks Winsted; Sucker Creek's bridge
Now honors his name.
was four days ago and so,
who won the book prize?
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/haiku_winner/