Two Stupid Criminals

Desperate for free porn
A man entered an adult novelty store, told the clerk that he was a detective with the Longmont Police Department's "age verification unit," and demanded that the clerk provide him with pornographic videos so that he could verify the ages of the actors in them. The Longmont Police have no age verification unit. The clerk turned him away, and then the manager called the real police. (Thanks, Bob!)

Cheesecake Box Bomb
A man entered a movie rental store, placed a box on the counter, and told a clerk it was a bomb that he would detonate unless he was given cash. The clerk refused and the man fled. The "bomb" was an empty cheesecake box.


Posted on Mon Aug 11, 2008


Hmmm. . .in the one with the clerk dealing with the cheesecake bomb, it might have been better for the clerk to have gone ahead and done what the guy said unless he knew for certain that the robber was harmless. Granted it turned out that the robber had nothing, but he could also have actually had a bomb or gun or something and ended up using it when told "no". Refusing to cooperate with a crazy violent person isn't always the best course.
Posted by Accipiter  on  Tue Aug 12, 2008  at  09:01 AM
"Good afternoon, Ms. Liquor Store Manager. I'm with the city's Proof Verification Unit. I'll need you to give me a bottle of each kind of beverage you stock, so I can check to see if the per cent of alcohol is really the same as that stated on the label. Thank you for your cooperation. We'll let you know if any of your liquors fail our tests."
Posted by Big Gary  on  Tue Aug 12, 2008  at  01:17 PM
I'm desperate for free cheesecake, w/strawberries preferably. BTW, I've always found that it's best to widely display the bomb and scream lines from "Uncle Buck" when scaring clerks into submission, as in: "Gimme my hat, you little punk, You're car's on fire, and I've got a belt of dynamite, so jump back, Jack"... Try it. it's easy
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Tue Aug 12, 2008  at  10:26 PM
Psh. Did that porn guy not have the internet?
Posted by Sakano  on  Wed Aug 13, 2008  at  11:18 AM
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