The Pooping Intern

only to discover that NBC locks its bathrooms

Yeah, right.

Definitely just a tall tale. Such an intestinal misfortune could certainly happen, of course, but why would you then be fired or resign? It wouldn't be your fault (unless you did it on purpose, which would be rank insanity). Anyway, do they really lock the restrooms on floors that you probably have to have a badge to get onto anyway?

Yes, Gary, you usually need a badge to get above the lobby floor in 30 Rock, but there is a secret way to get upstairs. You could probably figure it out if you gave it a moment's thought. I've done it three times in the past (back in the days when I was trying to get hired as a writer for SNL or Letterman, in his NBC incarnation.)

This is only tangentially related but years ago I worked in a small retail store whose one small bathroom was very out of the way.

Anyway, one day I showed up at work and food poop on the floor. The cash register was also robbed of all its change (bills were deposited nightly). None of the inventory was stolen (it was pretty slow business so I had very accurate inventory). Anyway, I called the police to report the crime. I told them about the robbery and said I was not sure yet but nothing but change appeared to be stolen. They were filling out their forms and were sending over a car to look at the place when I mentioned that "robber" also pooped on the floor. At that point, the officer on the other end said quickly; "oh, it must have been Tom G. then." His M.O. was so well known locally, that they barely bothered to stop at the store to look for evidence before they went to his place to arrest him. I always laugh at CSI type stuff when small towns are light years ahead!

The first sentence of the second paragraph was absent mindedly formed by me. It should state

"Anyway, one day I showed up at work and there was poop on the floor."

Big Gary, you're in Amarillo? Me too! Small world....

And on the subject, if I took a dump on the floor, no way I would be showing my face there again.

Thanks for the laugh.

Back at my first job in NYC, we had a bike messenger smear poop all over the walls in the restroom.

One time in high school, I went to the bathroom to take my inhaler (because for whatever reason, the staff didn't like my using it out where everyone could see) and I started heading into one of the stalls..and it looked like someone had exploded in there. There was poop all over the toilet, in the toilet, on the floor, and on the walls. It was so awful that I almost threw up.

Floormaster, clearly the small town you are in is pretty exceptional; When a string of robberies including my father's wroplace were robbed by burglars who left both faeces and cigarrette butts on the floor, the local cop explained that there was no way to get DNA evidence from such things because "Stuff you see on TV isn't real".

Sakano, maybe you couldn't use your inhaler because of a zero-tolerance program for performance-enhancing drugs . . . We in NZ have a precedent for this, when a rather precocious lass successfully got a rival taken off the netball team because she used an inhaler, and the first girl pointed out that this was a drug that enhanced her performance over what it would have been normally. Since this was unfair, the peewee Portia claimed, she should not be allowed to use it during play. but she is asthmatic, and sometimes needs it, claimed some players and a few staff. Ahah, proclaimed the midget McBeal and most of the other staff, which means that we are right, and moreover could be seen as evidence of addiction . . . Just to avoid upset, the breathy lass was taken off the team.

Oh no, my Olympic dream is over. D: Stupid performance enhancing inhaler!

Funny to read, thanks for taking my mood up

we have a new intern in my office that poops in the only restroom on the floor every day after lunch. she doesn't bother to turn on the fan or spray after dropping her daily load. we have poor ventilation and she could easily go to the basement bathroom where nobody else would ever know. she leaves skid marks on the toilet, too. not sure what they are feeding these kids at the dorms now days, but, damn sure she is getting plenty of fiber.

There is a video of a TV intern in a white trouser suit in exactly this situation while on air. She tries to get in the door, but it is locked (or she can't work the handle) and soils her suit.