Longshot Presidential Candidates

If you choose not to vote for Emperor Buonaparte in November (God knows why not), here are some other alternative-reality-type candidates you can cast your ballot for. I found the info about these candidates on the Politics1.com website (you need to scroll about 2/3 of the way down the page before you start getting to the really interesting candidates).

First there's Albert 'Al' Hamburg. "Perennial candidate Al Hamburg, 72, had lost 14 consecutive bids for President and for Governor, US Senate and Congress before the 2004 race. He proudly described himself as the "Very Independent UNPOPULAR Candidate... Hamburg also made news in the 1980s when he sued a woman for breach of contract involving a car he sold to her. In the lawsuit, he said the woman agreed to have sex with him fifty times in exchange for the car -- but that she stopped performing her end of the deal after 33 times."


Next up, Grady Dean Mollenhour Jr. "Little is known about this Democratic hopeful -- except that he uses "Reverend" as his title on some campaign documents he filed (so, presumably, he's a minister of some sort). He also served in the US Army (1983-84), worked briefly in the Job Corps in the early 1980s, and holds a high school GED certificate."

And finally, Vermin Supreme. "A large part of his platform relates to promoting better dental hygiene ('Stong Teeth for a Strong America'). To make sure the American people regularly brush and floss, he promises: 'Warrantless random no knock dental inspections; Government issued toothpaste containing addictive yet harmless substances; Video surveillance through two way bathroom mirrors; Electronic tracking, moisture and motion sensor devices in all toothbrushes ... or even preventative dental maintenance detention facilities.' Our favorite among his proposals: 'Gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies.'" Vermin Supreme also has a website of his own that you can check out.

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