Lion vs. Midgets

A faux BBC news article describing a match between one lion and 42 unarmed midget fighters has been linked to by a lot of sites. However, the article is now clearly labelled as a fake. Apparently what inspired the article was a debate some guy was having with his friend about who would win in a hypothetical fight between one lion and 40 weaponless midgets. He created the fake BBC piece in order to convince his friend that the lion would win. Personally, I don't think it matters if it were 40 midgets or 40 pro-basketball players. The lion would still win, because a lion has claws and sharp teeth, and people don't. Plus, the lion is a lot stronger. Incidentally, I just learned that 'midget' is considered a derogatory term. But I don't think the author of the faux article was too concerned about being PC.


Posted on Mon May 09, 2005


I once knew some guys who ran this webpage that was sort of like a celebrity deathmatch...only, about 5 years before CDM. They paired of people like Zack Morris & Ferris Bueller. Batman vs. Superman (Batman won!)...the guys would do this running commentary about the "fight", and then have spectators vote on the outcome. I wish I could find their site was neat-o.
Posted by Maegan  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  04:54 AM
Pah, Batman so wouldn't have won.
Posted by Boo  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  05:00 AM
I didn't see what Maegan was thinking about, but I do believe that Batman could win, because he has a piece of Kryptonite, and he's a lot smarter.
Posted by Rita  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  06:13 AM
He has a piece of kryptonite?
Posted by Boo  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  06:20 AM
...My post WAS trying to be related to the original that those guys could have done what the webpage I mentioned does...have a blow-by-blow account, and then a vote.

Batman would TOO have won. Superman is an ALIEN.
Posted by Maegan  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  06:36 AM
Not to comic book guy, but Batman did win. Superman and Batman fought in Frank Millers: Dark Night Returns, Batman won by using some kryptonite...
Posted by ReadbackMonkey  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  07:00 AM
There's no way Batman would win. Superman would just vaporize him from space - End of story. And I'm not a comic geek. Just a computer one.
Posted by Charybdis  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  07:22 AM
"'midget' is considered a derogatory term. "

like so called "big people" who are in reality just plain FAT.

big btw is in dutch PIG
so maybe, just maybe big people are just that... pigs
Posted by Beasjt  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  09:01 AM
BTW in dutch, the word Beasjt means "moron"....
Posted by booch  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  10:50 AM
Anyone fooled by that photoshopping diserves to be fooled. Bad bad job...
Posted by Bearfoot  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  02:23 PM
Alex, I would think that by about ten or so midgets, or short people, the lion would have had its eyes poked out, and maybe bleed to death over a few hours.
Posted by Citizen Premier  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  07:19 PM
Mutton Jeff = Deaf.
Canary Wharf = dwarf.
Cardinal Wolsey = cerebral palsy.
Raspberry Ripple = cripple.
Rubber and plastic = spastic.
Tulips and roses = multiple sclerosis.
Bacon rind = blind.
Diet Pepsi = epilepsy.
Benny and the Jets = Tourettes.
Wasps and bees = amputee.
Haha--I'm going to have to remember these.
Posted by Citizen Premier  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  07:29 PM

I think if you picked out one or two to sacrifice that the rest of the "vertically-challenged" could then take the lion...

Give him a little (NPI) something to snack on and then have a couple guys try to strangle him via suffocation. Combine this with another one giving his danglers a good yank (causing a roar of pain and making him exhale while doing so) and I'm pretty sure they could eventually give him a head-lock of death. So long as it was an uninjured person trying to strangle him and not a half-eaten one!

Posted by Mark-N-Isa  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  10:34 PM

I meant "suffocate him via strangulation" not vice versa...

Posted by Mark-N-Isa  on  Mon May 09, 2005  at  10:35 PM
Midget offensive???

Well, that's just political correctness gone mentally challenged!
Posted by Peter  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  01:53 PM
Midget offensive??? - Peter

Why do I picture lots of little people climbing out of trenches and charging toward the enemy?
Posted by Charybdis  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  03:05 PM
Charybdis :lol: :lol: :lol:

Thank you.
Posted by Peter  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  03:42 PM
That exchange between Roger Ebert (medium-to-large movie critic) and Daniel Woodburn (small/little/midget/dwarf/short/diminutive actor) is profoundly unsatisfying, because, while saying that he finds the term "midget" offensive (without ever being too crystal-clear as to why), he never really explicitly states what his preferred term is when he needs to describe someone of small stature.

Until somebody clears that up for me, I'm stuck using cumbersome locutions like "someone of small stature."
Posted by Big "You can call me Large" Gary in Dallas  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  05:06 PM
Big Gary. I got the impression he uses "Little people"

Which to my ear seems worse than midget.
Posted by Peter  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  05:23 PM
Dark Knight Returns, Dark Knight Returns II, Hush...Batman and Superman end up fighting all the time (DC has been doing books for a loooong time and often run out of ideas for things to do with their top two characters, so that's pretty much a default plot line). Batman almost always wins. He does have kryptonite--he has Lex Luthor's kryptonite ring, Superman deliberately gave it to him so that if he ever goes rogue due to mind control or such, he knows someone will be able to stop him. (Which is exactly what happened when Poison Ivy took control of Supes during the Hush storyline).

But that's just a convenient method, it's not the real reason Batman wins against Superman. The real reason is that Batman is a genius-level intellect who is ruthless enough to do anything short of killing to attain his goals; Superman is scientifically brilliant, but he's not a lateral thinker, and he's constantly hampered by his complicated moral code. (He sort of has to be--anyone with that much power had better have lots of self-restraint, for the good of the planet.)

That's the whole point--Superman is capable of vaporizing Batman from orbit, but he would never be able to bring himself to do it. He'd angst and hem and haw, and meanwhile Batman sneaks up behind him and judo-throws him into a teleportation matrix to a red-sun solar system or something similar. Heck, Batman once strapped a bomb to his body and told Superman that if he didn't give up, "someone" in the city would be blown to smithereens. A guy who's a big blue boyscout can't win against an obsessive-compulsive genius who's willing to gamble his own life to win. Who could, except for another ruthless obsessive-compulsive genius? (Prometheus or Luthor, for instance....)
Posted by Barghest  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  07:31 PM
He mentioned how Little People (capitalized, I guess, so we know it's refering to shortness disorders) can't join the army under any circumstances. Well, the army never takes someone in who isn't willing to go to war at some point, do they? Be kinda unfair to those People of Ordinary Stature who already have comfy desk jobs.
Posted by Citizen Premier  on  Tue May 10, 2005  at  11:13 PM
Not letting you join the army is favoritism, not discrimination.
Posted by Big Gary in Dallas  on  Wed May 11, 2005  at  04:49 PM
yes batman would win for all the above reasons and for the fact that BATMAN THINKS AHEAD... do you think batman would get into a fight with superman without having about 5000 aces up his sleeve? he wouldn... cos batman thinks ahead and sets traps...
Posted by bombdog  on  Thu May 19, 2005  at  03:30 AM
Can't argue with that sort of firepower.
Posted by Boo  on  Thu May 19, 2005  at  03:49 AM
It's funny how these things come around. I've received the midget/lion email many times myself. This website has it listed as one of the most common searches on their site. From (

Posted by pacifico  on  Fri May 27, 2005  at  04:13 PM
This is easy. The midgets would win if they were well organized. I would just feed the midgets to the lion one by one until the lion gets full and has a nap. And then the remaning midgets can sneak up on him. Simple.
Posted by grytpype  on  Fri Jan 20, 2006  at  04:12 PM
Would a midget army of 42 be able to beat a great white shark in a 100m x 100m tank,

The midgets would have snorkels
Posted by Joe Maughan  on  Fri Oct 12, 2007  at  09:30 AM
the lion wouldn't win because he would be laughing so hard at the fucking midgets hahahaha
Posted by iamamidget  on  Tue Aug 26, 2008  at  02:47 PM
i think that the midgets could win in a fight if they were more organized like mark was saying...what got everyone started on batman and superman??
Posted by emily  on  Tue Nov 18, 2008  at  08:23 AM
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