Human Upgrades

Status: Hoax (probably an art project)
image I've received a couple of emails calling my attention to the Human Upgrades website. This group claims to be some kind of futuristic outfit offering bizarre DNA modification procedures such as Simplenose (giving people one large nostril instead of two), Simpletooth (fusing all the teeth into one long, continuous row), and other more sexually explicit modifications (some of the images are not safe for work). The site states that:

Human Upgrades was founded in 2001 by Doc. MUDr. FaVU. Petr Skala CSc. and his team from Institute of DNA Modification in Brno in Czech Republic. Since the contacts around the world and first class expiriences of the team Human Upgrades was able to offer unprecedented portfolio of surgeries based on the newest discoveries in the field of DNA manipulation.

All the text on the site is written in broken English, complete with misspellings. It seems that someone paid a lot of money to design the site, but never bothered to run the text past someone who can speak English. Anyway, the whole thing is obviously a hoax. The Institute of DNA Modification doesn't exist. The question is, who created the site? The main clue I can find is that all the contact information provides the addresses of European offices of the Bosch Group (makers of automotive and industrial technology). So either the contact information is a deliberate red herring. Or Human Upgrades is part of a strange marketing campaign created by Bosch's PR company.
Update: Another theory (because I find it hard to believe Bosch is responsible for Human Upgrades): There's a Czech film director named Petr Skala (same name as Human Upgrades supposed founder, and the registrant for humanupgrades.com). Perhaps he or one of his students created the site. Or perhaps this is yet another red herring.

Body Manipulation Websites

Posted on Fri Nov 11, 2005


Comments

Ewwwwwwwww!!!!!
Posted by Charybdis  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  11:12 AM
Plus, it's all in teeny tiny unreadable little type in flash.
No matter what the viral nature of this little site might be, I really doubt that a corporation like Bosch would allow the kind of content that is included in it.
The first person who figures out who owns skakala.cz is gonna win this one. 😊
Posted by Gene  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  01:00 PM
This site is for real. My brother-in-law told me about it. It's the same thing as that guy on Discovery Channel who's making himself into a cat. I know the pictures look phony, but it's just because they haven't gotten anybody to do it yet. It's real.
Posted by booch  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  04:57 PM
booch, are you telling me that they're seriously trying to sell something called "Simplecunt"? Whether it's a hoax or not (and it is), I get the feeling that the person who designed the website doesn't understand how harsh that word is considered to be in the English language.
Posted by AqueousBoy  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  05:44 PM
Aqueous Boy, you don't know booch like we do. Go here:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/3140/
And here:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/weblog/comments/3569/

He is a xenophobic (which is odd, because a large number of the regulars here are from the UK and Australia- I live in the US) and enjoys spreading discord wherever he goes.

As for the website, I agree with Chary. Ick.
Posted by Snowy  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  05:55 PM
I'd like to suggest that this site be marked "Art Project" instead of "Hoax". From a conceptual and design standpoint, it's very well-done.
Posted by Elizabeth  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  09:54 PM
Discord... pissing of the regulars.... this son-of-a-bitch is working my angle! But im still the king... *Al-E/x, Jonny g, and ED can verify that!
Posted by Nightmare  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  10:19 PM
Elizabeth, I'm inclined to agree. I find it very hard to believe that a major corporation like Bosch would sponsor an ad campaign like this, even if they wanted to appear edgy. That's why I indicated that the trail to Bosch might be a red herring. The more I think about it, the more I suspect it has to be (a red herring, that is).
Posted by The Curator  in  San Diego  on  Fri Nov 11, 2005  at  10:42 PM
I'm a regular to MoH, I live in the U.S. I post comments to this site regularly. I can't really recall anything Alex has posted on his site ever being offensive to me as HE posts it. I think the fellow does a darn good job of keeping the world truly informed. I never miss a day of visiting the Museum. I cut and paste from his site regularly and send it on to my friends. His site is even saved in my favorites as a 'NEWS' link. Offensive - never... Just where you may end up by clicking on a link on this site is the part that is offensive or harsh sometimes. But if not for the links, there is really no truth to MoH at all. For the sake of where I stand, I have a tendency to believe that perhaps what those folks are doing with genetics is very possible, yet untested as it may be, as there is a genetics research company that has managed to harvest human ears and other body parts on the backs of lab mice. I went to a conference in Branson, Mo. where photos of THESE freaks accomplishments were shown. You want harsh or offensive, track this one down.
Posted by Christopher in Joplin, Missouri  on  Sat Nov 12, 2005  at  05:41 AM
Darn good photoshop, anyway.

And what kind of motto is "The Possibillity is Our Obligation"? It doesn't make any sense at all.
Posted by Snowy  on  Sat Nov 12, 2005  at  08:25 AM
Snowy-
It hurts when you hate and call names. I just post to be funny and try out my material. I don't really know why so many of you take me, and everything posted here, so seriously.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game"

NIGHTMARE IS STILL THE MAN...
Posted by booch  on  Sat Nov 12, 2005  at  04:32 PM
booch said:
Snowy-
It hurts when you hate and call names. I just post to be funny and try out my material. I don't really know why so many of you take me, and everything posted here, so seriously.
____

I did not call you any names (xenophobic means haveing an abnormal fear or hatred of the strange or foreign-look it up.) I do not hate you, I just get annoyed when you make everyone else mad. We take you and the things you post here seriously because we expect the same treatment
Posted by Snowy  on  Sat Nov 12, 2005  at  05:40 PM
Actually, wouldn't they have to start on the patient when he/she is still an embryo in order to do all this genetically? I don't see how you can genetically adapt a full-grown person in these ways, although it could certainly be done surgically. Why anybody would want this done surgically to themselves, though, I don't know.
Posted by Accipiter  on  Sun Nov 13, 2005  at  05:26 AM
Well... I'm not sure but I DONT think that a real company wuld admit to have a anesthesiologist just for blow jobs... NOT saying I dont like the idea....
(see: Human Upgrades > The team > Anesthesiologist)

"Emma Loop
She is not real anesthesiologist, she even has no doctor diploma, but she does very good blow job so we took her as a part of our team."
Posted by Micke  on  Mon Nov 14, 2005  at  08:23 AM
Human Upgrades was founded in 2001 by Doc. MUDr. FaVU.

MUDr. = Mother

FaVU. = Father

That's how I read it, anyway.
Posted by Jerry  on  Mon Nov 14, 2005  at  12:59 PM
The haven't modified their sense of humour..
yet

http://www.humanupgrades.com/images/team/ane4.htm

go to 'the team' and then 'anesthesiologists'
Posted by Bert Visser  on  Tue Nov 15, 2005  at  06:52 AM
isn't that director dead?
IMDB says he died in '93
Posted by adam  on  Tue Nov 15, 2005  at  06:28 PM
I think this is a really good piece of work. Like Elizebeth said it an art piece. It's what happens when a Photo Library Photographer gets a light bulb from continually taking medical Photos. This must have been bubbling inside for a while.

Definatly a 2- 3 man job. Must have been quite fun for a few weekends.
Posted by Poss  on  Mon Nov 21, 2005  at  01:17 PM
it's school project of one of the students of this graphical school

http://www.ffa.vutbr.cz/

favu - that school
mudr - czech title for doctor

end of story 😉 no bosch, no director plz...
Posted by ace  on  Fri Feb 17, 2006  at  10:33 AM
I happened across the site, and there's a few problems with pretty much all these theories:

If it was an art project, why is it in English and not his native language? Indeed, is there a version of the site in another language? Why would you, if you were not a native English speaker, make such a complicated site in another language?

It seems to me like it was designed to be superficially believeable, but to have very small but definite hints that the thing was fake so that people couldn't claim they thought it was real after close scrutiny.

I sent an email to the site's creator.
Posted by Shade  on  Sun Feb 19, 2006  at  04:34 AM
I think your too quick to rule out the possibilty of this site being made by an unknown indivual who made the site for laughs. All though it "seems that some one paid a lot of money to design this site" , it is actually a rather easy site with nothing to it all, Any ammature web designer could of made this.
Posted by Sammy  on  Fri Feb 24, 2006  at  10:54 AM
if you check under their section of who works for the anasthesiologist (sp?) team, there is a lady and her description reads

Emma Loop
She is not real anesthesiologist, she even has no doctor diploma, but she does very good blow job so we took her as a part of our team.
Posted by nick  on  Sun Mar 05, 2006  at  05:53 PM
I cannot agree with you.
Posted by Emma Loop  on  Sat May 20, 2006  at  12:33 AM
this site is realy an art project.
FaVu means Faculty of Visual arts (in czech: Fakulta v
Posted by martin benr  on  Mon Jun 05, 2006  at  07:53 AM
But I am real!!!
Posted by Emma Loop  on  Thu Jun 08, 2006  at  09:22 AM
this site may be an art project;
but there is something being considered, although no one has taken any action or participation in it yet, called 'transhumanism', or something like that, according to wikipedia. the site says its got a ton of fans and loads more critics who claim its the most dangerous idea ever or something like that. don't have a link to it, though.
Posted by Anguirus  on  Wed Jun 14, 2006  at  01:59 PM
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transhumanism
Posted by Anguirus  on  Wed Jun 14, 2006  at  02:01 PM
To diffuse all the mistification, the Facultu of fine AQrts at the University of Brno, is called FaVU by its students. So it is definitely a art project (exercise) of some of the students. It is pretty amateurish, in bad English, but it is thrilling and exciting. This discussion group ceertainly proves that.
Posted by gordan  on  Thu Jun 29, 2006  at  02:31 AM
The whole thing is a joke, an expensively crafted one but a joke nonetheless. The spelling mistakes and grammatical errors are deliberate. I wrote them a jokey letter in a similar vein over a year ago pretending to be an interested client and I used similarly bad English. At the end I said that I thought their site was funny and it gave me a good laugh. They wrote back and said they thought my letter was funny also.
Posted by slinky  on  Fri Mar 23, 2007  at  08:43 AM
My friend sent me a link over a year ago, and I was quite surprised at the dedication that seemed to be put forth into the site. i sent an email sayign that although it seemed a hoax, that I was interested in learning if it was true or not. I will paste my reply from medic management.


** You seem to be such smart... but with two cocks you would not speak so up...
be careful - now we know about you

with regards
MDc. Petr Skala Cm.
Humanupgrades Medic Management
+420 602 573 103
http://www.humaupgrades.com **

That scared the hell outta me at the time. I am still curious to call the number though one day just to see what I get lol.
Posted by James  on  Wed May 02, 2007  at  02:10 AM
someone used photoshop and macromedia flash for this site.
Posted by exmortisfangirl  on  Sun Jan 27, 2008  at  04:37 PM
I sent them an e-mail since two years ago, and applied for a job. They accepted my application and it's the best job in my life! I'm really satisfied that I'm helping improving science, as well as working above Emma. The money is wonderful, but my heart is happy beacouse helping people a lot. You would have happy hearts if you have seen smiling faces in recovery facility.
And James, don't worry, second penis is overrated, unless you grow one in your mouth. But beware, only soft toothbrush from that point on.
Posted by Milan  on  Mon Apr 06, 2009  at  10:19 AM
I LOLD: Cekit is not the film director! It is a hosting service: http://cekit.cz/

http://www.whois.net/whois/humanupgrades.com

domain: humanupgrades.com
owner: Petr Skala
email: .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Posted by Sid  on  Sun May 17, 2009  at  04:29 AM
Check: http://www.skakala.cz/humanupgrades/

"Final exam of bachelor degree. Fictitious plastic surgery clinic which uses DNA manipulated body parts and enhancements."
Posted by Simon  on  Fri Aug 21, 2009  at  04:03 AM
it is a design-project of a grafic student.
pretty well done, i think. this guy really knows how to work with photoshop
Posted by Adrian  on  Thu Sep 03, 2009  at  08:58 AM
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