Gnome Defense

Big Gary sent me this story, knowing that it would be a suitable contribution to the fast-growing Garden Gnome Wing of the museum (one of these days I'll actually get around to creating a gnome category):

LONDON - A grandmother stopped an intruder from entering her home by lobbing a heavy garden gnome at him, police said Friday. Jean Collop was woken early on Tuesday morning by the sound of an intruder on the roof of her home in Wadebridge, southwest England.
"I grabbed the first thing that came to hand — one of my garden gnomes — and hurled it at him, and hit him," she recalled.
"He lay there and I began to scream. I went back into the kitchen and found a rolling pin in case he came down. I didn't want to break another gnome."
A neighbor alerted police who arrived shortly afterward and arrested the intruder.

Gnomes Law/Police/Crime

Posted on Sun Apr 17, 2005


Gno messing with that old lady. Rather than dial 911, I say "Phone Gnome"
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Apr 17, 2005  at  06:54 PM
Aw man, I saw this before too, but didn't think to post it here. Gary wins again. 😉
Posted by Winona  on  Sun Apr 17, 2005  at  07:11 PM
She sounds kinda fruity. The way the article reads, it sounds like she sleeps with a gnome next to her bed. Was it sleepy or grumpy or escort gnome!
Posted by Nettie  on  Sun Apr 17, 2005  at  07:54 PM
Some people keep their garden gnomes inside because people steal them.
Secondly dialling 911 would do no good.
In England it's 999, and dialling that in most cases would get you...
'I'm sorry, most of our officers are occupied with traffic crimes, as soon as someone is available we will get round to you. Please stay connected as your call is important to us' - or something similar.
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sun Apr 17, 2005  at  08:18 PM
Gnome projectiles. . .great. Now I'll never feel safe walking the streets after dark, worrying if some hooligan is going to leap out of the shadows and assault me with a loaded gnome. What is modern society coming to?
Posted by Accipiter  on  Mon Apr 18, 2005  at  12:27 AM
At least the intruder lived to get arrested!
Over at Darwin Awards ( ) they have a story about an intruder that was knocked dead by an eldery man weilding a SQUASH!
(If you can read russian, the original story is here: )
Posted by Captain DaFt  on  Mon Apr 18, 2005  at  05:33 AM
Then Yorick stirred, and said, "Ye hoary Gnomes arise! 'Tis the hour of our revenge. Cast off, Cast off, I say, the shackles of our sentinal enslavement. Behold, how easily the masters are beguiled? Heave me as a weapon! To bean one human is as good as another. Arise, I say! Arise!" He felt better after a warm bath, a sound spanking, and a nighty-night from The Mistress.
Posted by stork spokesman for the Enclave  on  Mon Apr 18, 2005  at  08:27 PM
How appropriate for the Museum of Hoaxes, to host a gnome wing -- probably next to crocodile tears and so on...
Posted by Gutza  on  Tue Apr 19, 2005  at  06:53 AM
Here's an entry for the gnome wing:

The city of Rotterdam commissioned an American artist--at a cost of 280,000 euros--to create a statue to be displayed in a suitably public location.

Artist: It's a statue of Santa Claus clutching a bell and a Christmas tree, a commentary on the folly of blind consumerism.

Vox Populi: It's a gnome with a butt plug!
Posted by lsb  on  Tue Apr 19, 2005  at  07:55 PM
Don't be surprised if the new Department of Gnomeland Security starts issuing weighted gnomes to every able-bodied citizen. It's got to be a more practical national defense strategy than telling everyone to buy duct tape and plastic wrap, or stationing thousands of half-witted goons at all the airports to make sure nobody tries to bring a pair of nail clippers onboard a plane.
Posted by Big Gary C  on  Thu Apr 21, 2005  at  04:49 PM
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