Child Trader

If you're tired of your kid, why not swap him or her for another? makes this possible. From the site:

Child Trader is now the nations 4th largest child exchange network and as such, has brought happiness to more than 1623 American households who otherwise had very few options in creating a more loving family and home life when realizing their child wasn’t the right fit for them.
Child Trader Child Exchange Network isn’t about not loving childing [sic]. Its about finding a family that can love them more.
Get started today with this exciting new way to love your children.

You can view the profiles of kids available for trade. For instance, Jacob (pictured) is described as, "Not a particularly impressive boy. He hasn’t much been into sports, but he does have a great smile and likes to sit around the house, so he is very quiet."

I'm willing to go out on a limb and declare this a hoax. I'm not even going to do any research into who the site is registered to, etc., because it's obviously a joke. In other words, you're stuck with your kids, even if you don't like them. It's not legal to swap them for another.

Links on the child trader site indicate it was created by the same person responsible for two other spoof sites: (adopt a kid who is a perfect match for an organ transplant you need), and (make money from illegal dog fighting). does, at least, highlight that children aren't always a constant source of joy to their parents. It reminds me of a study conducted in 1931 by Dr. Mandel Sherman of the Child Research Centre in Georgia. Sherman asked thirty-two parents to keep track in notebooks of all the ways their children annoyed them. He found that there were 2,124 ways in which children annoyed their parents. The most common source of annoyance was disobedience, but other annoyances included being too slow, too quick, and spending too much time primping.

Birth/Babies Websites

Posted on Thu May 15, 2008


That study must be a goldmine for the kids.

(Remember kids playing music too loud is a good way to irritate your neighbours. Another good way to irritate your neighbours is to slam the dustbins too loudly or play football on their lawn or key their car, or....)
Posted by Sharruma  on  Thu May 15, 2008  at  03:49 PM
...from someone who has no children of his own, but experienced the INSANITY of other's children (my ex-wife's, for one), I find this "spoof", HILARIOUS!!! If only it was that easy...
Posted by Christopher  on  Thu May 15, 2008  at  06:21 PM
Funny as hell, though the many of the pictures and descriptions don't seem to match up.
Posted by outeast  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  02:30 AM
I'd trade my brother for Olivia:

Name: Olivia

Age: 19

Gender: Female

Physical Description: Amorphous. Not "fat" but kind of "fluffy." Large breasts and very large hips.

Medical History: Parents have a history of diabetes, but "child" thus far tests negative. STD screening clears as negative across the board.

Strengths: Can crack eggs with greater than 90% probability of no shells in the mix.

Weaknesses: Girl routinely fails to attend class and has been noted for dating and associating with persons of darker persuasions.

Agency Comments: This candidate should not be eligible for trade. Parents wishing to trade such a seemingly normal and well adjusted adolescent at this age may be suspect, especially considering brevity of time to emancipation. Suggest strongest caution, but will not rule out trade due to 517 rule and bonus requirement structure.

Desired Trade: We would be willing to give this child away without any trade or offer in kind. Simply accept the offer and we
Posted by Daily Contempt  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  04:43 AM
too slow, too quick, and spending too much time primping.

I had to read that last word twice...
Posted by outeast  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  05:03 AM
I'm with Christopher. I have no kids of my own, but have been around a few who needed to be traded. That or put them in a rocket ship headed straight for another universe!
Posted by DC  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  06:52 AM
True, but I've seen some parents who need major overhauling as well.
Posted by Kathleen  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  06:56 AM
Kathleen: You're absolutely right! Those parents should join the kids on the rocket ship as well! 😊
Posted by DC  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  07:38 AM
Wouldn't you call this more of a satire than a hoax?
Or is one a category of the other?
Posted by Big Gary  on  Fri May 16, 2008  at  09:44 AM
If you're expected to understand that it's facetious, then it's satire. If you're expected to think it's REAL, then it's a hoax.
Posted by Cranky Media Guy  on  Sat May 17, 2008  at  01:24 AM
I didn't say that exactly correctly. Hoaxes are usually satirical, but you're not expected to realize that they're fictitious.

Does that clear it up? Probably not, huh/
Posted by Cranky Media Guy  on  Sat May 17, 2008  at  01:28 AM
Oh my goodnes... O____o
Posted by Nameless  on  Sun May 18, 2008  at  01:10 AM
Overheard at the parental pick-up spot,on the last day at Summer Camp: "I'll trade you Jimmy for Sally, if you'll take the twins for the big one who likes to mow lawns"... Truth to tell, I was exchanged with cousins over the summer for many years... we'd meet at the half-way point on the New Jersey Turnpike, switch a couple of kids, and do it again in two weeks or cousins lived 1/2 mile from Palisades Amusement Park, just south of the G.W. Bridge, so I enjoyed my stays immensely... that and the fact that they sold Creepy and Eerie magazines at the Drugstore on River Road...ah, Vampirella
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Mon May 19, 2008  at  10:48 AM
Dang! Why can't it be real....
Posted by Joseph Blowkowski  on  Wed May 21, 2008  at  01:30 AM
How dare you call my website a hoax! These children aren't wanted by their parents and it only makes sense to trade them for another, and better child, and to say otherwise is slanderous!
Posted by  on  Sun May 25, 2008  at  04:45 PM
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