Win A Book, Contest #2

image I've received a free copy of David Wilton's new book, Word Myths: Debunking Linguistic Urban Legends, courtesy of Oxford University Press. So I'm having a contest to give it away. The book has just been published. I'm not sure it's even out in stores yet, but you can get a copy here... if you win the contest.

First, what's the book about? Wilton debunks all those stories about where words come from, such as 'is GOLF really an acronym for Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden?' or 'does SOS stand for Save Our Souls?' or 'was F**K originally an acronym meaning For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge?' You'll have to get the book to find out the answers. It's a lot of fun, and quite enlightening.

Here's what I've decided for the contest: urban legend haiku. I figure this is appropriate since it's a book about urban legends and language. Whoever comes up with the best haiku describing an urban legend (or a hoax, since this is the Museum of Hoaxes) wins the contest. What's 'best' will, of course, be subjectively decided by me.

If you need inspiration, examples of urban legend haiku can be found here or here. I'm not going to be a stickler about whether or not entries maintain proper haiku form (three lines: first line five syllables, second line seven syllables, third line five syllables), since apparently the idea that haiku must adhere strictly to this form is itself a bit of an urban legend. Keep it to three lines, but if the number of syllables isn't perfect, I don't care.

Here's my own rather weak attempt at a hoax haiku. It took me all of a minute to write:

Enclosed in glass,
Soon she'll be rectangular,
My Bonsai Kitten.

You'll have to do better than this to win the book.

The contest will end on Nov. 20, about a week from today (oh, and you can submit as many haiku as you like).
Update: And one more thing, submit your entries as comments. Don't email them to me directly.
Update: Okay, the contest is now closed. I need a day or two to review all the entries.

Miscellaneous Urban Legends

Posted on Fri Nov 12, 2004


Comments

Furry wings outstretched,
Soaring through the starlit sky,
The flying cat of legend.
Posted by Myst  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  06:58 PM
From the book's cover, it looks like it deals with the proverbial "many Eskimo words for snow," which also happens to be my favorite "word myth." Based on no evidence whatever, many, many people have repeated the claim that Eskimos (which "Eskimo" group they refer to is usually not clear) have six, or a hundred, or a million different names for varieties of snow. It's become commonplace for linguists to try to dissect all the fallacies behind this belief (read almost any lingusitics anthology and you'll find something about this). To condense all the arguments and leave out all the fun, I'll just say that Eskimos tend not to have any more or fewer words for snow than anybody else (at least, no more than anybody else who is likely to see snow during 8 or 9 months of the year).

So, my Haiku is entitled, "Ten English Names for Snow":

Flakes, drifts, flurries, slush,
Blizzard, powder, crust, white stuff,
whiteout, ice crystals.
Posted by Big Gary C  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  06:58 PM
alligator, young, too young,
the sewer is my home now,
flushed by fickle hand
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  06:59 PM
sandwich of ham, cold,
its journey interrupted,
mama cass is full,
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:04 PM
coke and pop rocks fizz,
human head cannot contain,
mikey don't like it
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:08 PM
syllables per line,
or so I've heard
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:18 PM
Large footprints in the mud,
Hairy beast lumbering along,
Bigfoot is a' coming!
Posted by Myst  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:22 PM
chocolate razor,
straight pin, poison, tricky treat,
bloody bag of fun
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:22 PM
Paul, I edited my post to make the explanation of a haiku clearer. It's 5 syllables, 7 syllables, 5 syllables.
Posted by The Curator  in  San Diego  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:28 PM
coke in coke was true,
heroin trademarked by bayer,
but pot is still free
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:30 PM
just trying to help,
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:32 PM
And I guess you're right cuz I don't see what's off. Help?
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:33 PM
Oh, yeah, I meant "gator"
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:35 PM
thanks, Paul
Posted by Scott W  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:35 PM
Man that man is strong
holding Fluffy, smiling big
hate to clean that litter
Posted by Mike M.  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:45 PM
My beloved friend,
I wish to give unto you,
Money from the dead.

I know it isn't a hoax or or legend, I just couldn't resist picking on the Nigerian scammers! 😊

This is way too fun Alex!!!
Posted by Myst  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  07:47 PM
new winnebago
was thirsty, got me a drink
"cruise control" my a**
Posted by Karen D  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  08:12 PM
She flirted with me
I drank up and followed her
They took my liver
Posted by Tom Noddy  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  08:56 PM
My Kodak reveals
reason for the funny taste
of my Oral B
Posted by Mike M.  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  09:09 PM
The jackalope hops
Ever so merry and free
Across the wide plains.
Posted by Lauren  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:02 PM
The ghost in a jar
Spooks people by the thousands
I wonder who's next?
Posted by Lauren  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:05 PM
Want a haunted doll?
Painting, house, ducky, toaster?
For sale on EBay!
Posted by Krista  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:09 PM
Painting of weird kids
Hands against the screen door change
It creeps me out, man.
Posted by Jacob  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:19 PM
Bush is so stupid
So are all who vote for him
Their IQ is low
Posted by Jacob  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:24 PM
Scared, I reach for Spot;
his friendly licks comfort me.
Humans can lick, too.

(This is an urban legend where a college student hears noises in the night and is reassured by her dog licking her hand that everything is okay. She wakes the next morning to find her roommate murdered and her dog dead, and written in the dog's blood - humans can lick, too. Creepy.)
Posted by Krista  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:25 PM
Lemmings jump to sea
jump off the cliff to face death
they should be extinct.
Posted by Jacob  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:33 PM
Bill Gates is so nice!
I forwarded his email. . .
Now I'm very rich!
Posted by Jacob  on  Fri Nov 12, 2004  at  10:39 PM
Oh, such a hot girl
But she left me with my doom
Curse you, AIDS Mary!

(The urban legend in question: that of AIDS Mary - a woman who, having contracted AIDS after being raped, now travels the country seducing and infecting men for vengence.)
Posted by Jason  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  12:11 AM
The fouled mayonaise
fed to unknowing victim
not for me thank you!
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:16 AM
Fire Fire Burning Bright
Put out with airborne buckets
frogman found dead in wood
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:18 AM
UFO in sky
Bedroom invader at night
Must still be asleep.
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:23 AM
Lets go to Loch ness
see the monster see the beast
Nothing to see there
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:34 AM
Famous Singer Lives
Elvis has been seen my friend
Serving us fast food
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:37 AM
Fly me to the moon
Green cheese to gorge, love the taste
Must pack enough wine
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:41 AM
Last one for tonight
could be a waste of my time
no more haiku here!

Sorry for so many ^
was having far too much fun 😊
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:43 AM
George died on Monday.
Still at his desk Saturday;
he kept to himself.
Posted by Krista  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  08:23 AM
I awake in ice
Memories of love and drinks
Without a kidney
Posted by Mark  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  12:35 PM
Just to officially update my first entry, of which I screwed up the meter:

Gator, young, too young,
The sewer is my home now,
Flushed by fickle hand.
Posted by Scott W.  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  12:49 PM
If you need money,
Take the short road to eBay.
Say it is haunted.

Museum of Hoaxes.
Sometimes it talks of fake things.
Sometimes they are real.

They often spread lies.
Incorrect, false, wrong, stories.
Bad Ananova.

Socks for your iPod.
Could such things really exist?
Still, they are not cheap.

Hoaxes, pranks, and lies:
All false, a few offensive.
Dwelling on the Net.
Posted by PlantPerson  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  01:20 PM
Funny joke from friend!
For punch line forward eight times,
then press F8. Oh.
Posted by Karen D  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  01:22 PM
Holmes' writer thought that
Cottingly faires were real
He is no Sherlock
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  01:26 PM
Succubus so sweet
How could I resist your charms?
Drain my life away
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:31 PM
Cat on baby's head
Feel him breathing take that breath
suffacated child
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:34 PM
Change from red to black
It just may give you cancer,
Lipstick made of lead.
Posted by Myst  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:42 PM
Kitten born four-eyed,
To stare brings a big surprise,
You end up cross-eyed.
Posted by Myst  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:43 PM
Sweet little kitten,
Oh my what a big surprise,
Seeing its four eyes!
Posted by Myst  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:45 PM
Ditzy teenager
asks an outrageous question
why does sperm taste salty?

-sorry, it sucks
Posted by Jenny  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  02:49 PM
Yo, balcony boy
over your right shoulder's trouble
have a parachute?
Posted by Mike M.  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  03:25 PM
Tourist on rooftop
Aircraft on collision course
Cam'ra in Rubble



Beaten to subject matter :(
oh well 😊
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:13 PM
Head under her arm
The spectre walks the tower
Will Anne never rest?
Posted by Sharruma  on  Sat Nov 13, 2004  at  04:17 PM
Comments: Page 1 of 3 pages  1 2 3 > 
Commenting is not available in this channel entry.