Hoax Museum Blog: Websites

Mineralarians — If you were to stumble randomly upon the Mineralarians website, you might actually think that this extreme diet cult was real. As the site explains: "The Mineralarians are an international association of people, diverse in other respects, who share the common determination to subsist on foods of mineral origin, thereby sparing our fellow beings the victimization that has been their lot, at our hands for the last million years, and before that at the claws and jaws of previously dominant species." I like the understated comment that you arrive at further down the page: "While there is no doubt of the wholesomeness of a mineralarian diet, the same cannot be said for its taste and texture." Of course, because you're EATING ROCKS!

The site is a hoax website created by Charles Bennett. Here are two of his other creations:

• Institute of Holistic Computer Wellness: applying the principles of homeopathic medicine to computer repair.


• Minuteman Pizza: "delivering fresh hot pizza anywhere in the world in about 20 minutes."

(via BoingBoing)

Quentin Tarantino’s Weblog — Quentin Tarantino has supposedly joined the ranks of bloggers, having set up his own blog over on blogspot. I guess even though he's a multi-millionaire Hollywood director, he couldn't afford to spring for a fancier setup... had to go for the blogspot thing (that's also conveniently anonymous). There's no way to prove or disprove whether Tarantino himself is really authoring this thing. The flesh-and-blood Tarantino hasn't made any public comment about it. Here's what blogger-Tarantino says about why you should believe he is who he claims to be:
I don't want to turn this into a press promotion thing and that's what I told Miramax when I started it (with their cooperation). If you really want proof this blog is genuine, you can find it by contacting Miramax or whatever -- but I'm not going to be making public announcements about the blog. If fans ask me, shit yeah I'll tell the truth, but if I make a national announcement this'll just become a publicity stint, and I never intended it to be that way. This is for the fans, and if they trust me then fine -- if they don't, all I can say is that convincing a few of them isn't worth ruining it by telling reporters who'll post it all over the 'Net and daily news. In this case the juice ain't worth the squeeze.

JoBlo of JoBlo's Movie Emporium says that he's contacted Miramax to check out if Tarantino's blog is for real, but he hasn't posted their response yet.
Update: Tarantino's publicist, Bumble Ward, confirms that blogger-Tarantino is a fake. As Ward puts it: "It's fake. The guy is doing a great job though, don't you think? And truly, I'd hate to ruin his fun. But it's fake. Quentin hardly knows what a mouse is."

Life With Skippy — From the Hoax Forum: Ever heard of Life With Skippy? It was an American television show that aired briefly in 1969 that featured "the misadventures of two small-town boys, the trouble-making Skippy and his sidekick Gummy." Unfortunately it got cancelled after only six episodes. Still don't remember it? Well, if you look around the internet you can find a surprising number of references to this hard-to-remember show. It's mentioned on message boards, there's a Yahoo Group devoted to its young star (who was later found dead in a brothel), there's a Life With Skippy website, and a website maintained by the actor Adam Felber who played Gummy. Plus, you can buy the hat worn by Skippy on eBay. Well, if you still can't remember the show the reason is that it never existed. It's the creation of a New York-based production company, Metropolis Entertainment, who are trying to promote a new sitcom they've developed called Life After Skippy, which is about the career of a down-on-his-luck former child actor (who once supposedly worked on Life With Skippy). Quite an elaborate guerrilla marketing campaign they've put together for this. You can view clips from the real show, Life After Skippy, on their site. Some of them are pretty funny.

Time Travel Mutual Fund — I just received this rather non-humorous letter from the folks over at the Time Travel Mutual Fund:

Hello Alex,
I see you have our site, The Time Travel Fund, listed in your museum
of hoaxes.(www.TimeTravelFund.com)
I am writing you to ask that you remove us from your site. We are not
a hoax; we are serious in what we are attempting to do. Your site
lists us as being a hoax as if it were a fact, not as simply being
your personal opinion.
While you are certainly entitled to your opinion, presenting it as a
fact and not an opinion is slander.


This raises a dilemma for me. I do, in fact, list the Time Travel Fund in my gallery of hoax websites, having assumed that the site was a kind of cute, tongue-in-cheek idea whose main purpose was to sell $10 certificates that people could hang on their wall as a joke, rather than really being in the business of fund management. But if they're perfectly serious about their time travel fund, then that makes it a kooky site, rather than a hoax site. Should I keep the site on the list? I'm not sure.

I'm inclined to keep it on there just to annoy them because I don't like their legalistic threat about me slandering them. But I think the best thing to do would be to keep their site in the list, but add a disclaimer noting that while I thought the Fund was a joke, the fund managers themselves seem to take their task very seriously.

Some Unusual Online Stores — I saw the link to this unusual toy store over at J-Walk Blog. It's One Eyed Bob's Inappropriate Toys for Children. I wish some of these toys actually were real because they'd be a lot more fun than the boring stuff I played with as a kid. For instance, what kid wouldn't love a Volcano Human Sacrifice Kit, or an Aztec Human Sacrifice Kit that includes real frog hearts?

Poking around on the site, I discovered that the same server hosted a bunch of other fanciful stores, presumably all created by Andrew Lehman (to whom the site is registered). Here they are:

• The Creationist Fossil Shop: "On Day Three the Creator fashioned an amazing array of plant life. He mischeviously and creatively imbedded them perfectly in the firmament made the day before."



• Luddite.com: Providing its customers with the finest in alternative communications since 1993. For instance, if you choose their ground courier service "an able-bodied young man or woman will deliver your message or small parcel (20 lbs. or less) on foot within a 100-mile radius within two weeks."



• Zen Sears Home & Auto Center: "Is a car that holds 20 gallons, that contains 10 gallons, half full or half empty?"

Jydsk Atomic Power — Here's a hoax website from Denmark. It's Jydsk Atomic Power (in bad English via automatic translation here). I discovered the site through an article in a Danish newspaper (bad translation) that mentioned it, and also linked to my site. My Danish is a little rusty (nonexistent actually), but from what I can make out Jydsk Atomic Power claims to be overclocking their atomic reactor, thereby producing electricity with twice as much power. All electric devices drawing this double-strength power work twice as well. You'll be able to boil water on your stove in half the time! At least, I think that's what the site says. Any Danish speakers out there feel free to correct me.

Xenomorphological Research Institute — The Nova Corp Xenomorphological Research Institute is "the world's leading centre for the study of extra-terrestrial life." As their website explains: "the NCXRI always attempts to study a species in its native habitat. However, when this is not possible specimens can be brought back to our high-tech research laboratory for further analysis. From simple metal cages to plasma-field containers and full sized aquariums, the NCXRI is fully equipped to house virtually any species." (via Liquito)

Devirginize Marc — This falls under the category of 'could easily be true, but seriously, you've got to be kidding.' It's DeVirginizeMarc.com. Marc (if that's his real name) is 26 years old and a virgin. Or, as he puts it, "My name is Marc, and I'm a virgin... and I'm okay with it." But he's obviously not that okay with it, because he's soliciting applications from the public to help him change his situation. Maybe it's just me, but Marc looks like he's closer to his late 30s than his mid 20s. Could he be lying about his age? I immediately checked to see who the website was registered to, but it's registered anonymously through Domains by Proxy. I guess if it were my website, I'd try to stay anonymous too.

Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute — It's common knowledge that Rutabaga Studies is one of the most exciting fields of inquiry in the world today, and at the Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute they're on the cutting edge of it. For instance, you can peek in on their live Rutacam and witness a thrilling Rutabaga experiment in action. Also, keep up with recent developments in Rutabaga Studies, such as the anticipated launching of a giant rutabaga into geostationary orbit. And did you know that September is National Rutabaga Month? All this fascinating information about rutabagas, and I honestly don't think I've ever eaten one in my life.

Saddles for REAL MEN! — Wimpy men ride on soft, padded bicycle seats. Real men ride on rock-hard seats. Literally. Sheldon Brown is selling Real MAN © Saddles made out of solid granite from Canada's rugged Gaspé peninsula. In order to qualify for purchase of this product, a chemical analysis of your blood will be performed to determine that your testosterone level is high enough to ride the Real MAN © saddle. (via Red Ferret)

Rance Update — I haven't visited the Rance blog in ages (in case you missed out on the Rance thing, he's an anonymous blogger who claims to be an a-list Hollywood celebrity). Now it looks like Rance has decided to call it quits, but he wants his blog to live on. So he's accepting applications for Rance 2. I guess he must be from Hollywood if he's that committed to producing a sequel. But as is always the case, you just know that the sequel is going to be worse than the original.

Clubbo.com — Clubbo.com is definitely one of the most elaborate, in-depth hoax websites that I've ever come across. The attention to detail is astounding. The only site I can think of that rivals it in this respect would be Boilerplate, the Victorian Era Robot.

Clubbo.com purports to be the homepage of an indie record label that's been representing bizarre, one-hit (or in many cases, no-hit) wonders for decades. The fun thing is that they actually provide mp3 samples of all the artists, as well as tons of background material, so you can literally spend hours going through the site. My favorite parts so far: the Soda Pop Shop song by the 'Beethoven of Burps' Clipper Cowbridge, and the theme from The Spooky Bunch. Oh, and the link to their privacy policy is also worth clicking on.

I found out about Clubbo.com from an article in Slate by Paul Boutin that reveals it to be the just-launched fictional creation of Elise Malmberg and Joe Gore. Boutin links to a credits page on Clubbo.com that discloses the whole thing as a hoax, but just poking around the site on my own I couldn't figure out how he found this link to the credits. The Clubbo hoax also extends well beyond the confines of the Clubbo.com website. For instance, one of its bands, Action Plus, has its own website. And on eBay you can bid on a 'Clubbo: Guitar Pick used by Rockfinger's Tommy Lamb!!!!' (that looks an awful lot like the tab of a soda can). The starting bid is only $1999.99.

Manchurian Global — At first glance, Manchurian Global looks like any other faceless corporation. Its website is full of corporate jargon about mission statements, international client bases, and holistic visions. But, of course, Manchurian Global isn't a real corporation. Its site is part of the advertising campaign for The Manchurian Candidate, which opens today. The illusion of reality that the site maintains is actually quite convincing. They've really made it look like a real company. Only until you dig far into the site do you arrive at suspicious stuff, such as a video showing one of their scientists, Dr. Atticus Noyle, talking about how they can control people's personalities at a genetic level. Paramount has been running an ad on my site for The Manchurian Candidate for the past two weeks, which I thought was pretty cool since I've always liked the original 1962 version of the movie starring Frank Sinatra. I'm hoping the new version can live up to the original.

Preparing for Emergencies — The British government recently put up a website, preparingforemergencies.gov.uk, filled with advice (most of it fairly obvious) on what to do in case of an emergency. In response York University student Thomas Scott put up this website, preparingforemergencies.co.uk, that looks almost identical but instead offers advice on what to do in situations such as being attacked by a zombie (destroy their brain), or alien invasion (negotiate using sign language). Anyone can see that Scott's site is a spoof... anyone, that is, except the British government, which promptly ordered him to take it down. Scott called their bluff and refused, and it looks like Scott is going to win. The government recently announced that it is "unlikely to take any further action." They must have realized they were making themselves look sillier than Scott's spoof possibly could. (Thanks to Andrew Nixon and Paul in Prague for the links)

New York Times Story — This is going to be an egocentric post, because it's about me. I got my picture in the New York Times today. So does that mean I'm famous? Can I walk into an expensive restaurant now and get a table right away? I'm not betting on it. I'm featured in an article by Daniel Terdiman about hoax weblogs. Not that I've ever created a hoax weblog, but I do write about them. My friend Odin Soli, who created the Plain Layne hoax, also got his picture in there (Odin and I studied American History together in Grad School at UC San Diego). That animal on the left side of the picture is a jackalope. And if you look closely you can see my vacuum cleaner behind me, partially hidden by my shoulder. The photographer swore to me that there was no need to move it, because he said it wouldn't show up in the picture. Guess he was wrong. Not that anyone would really notice it... except my wife. The first thing she said when she saw the picture: "And there's our vacuum cleaner."

Butt Candles — Ear Candling is an ancient home remedy in which wax and other impurities are supposedly drawn out of a person's ear canal by sticking a burning hollow candle in their ear. The theory is that the hollow candle creates a vacuum that sucks everything out.
Butt Candling, by extension, is the same procedure, only with the candle placed... well, you can guess where it's placed. As the ButtCandle site (which is safe for work) puts it: "In length and diameter, [the butt candle is] similiar to common candles. However, a hollow channel is cut from bottom to top which causes air to be drawn from the base to the top. In practice, this creates a vacuum at the base which, when inserted in the rectum, gently dislodges intestinal and rectal blockage."
Ear Candling is a real treatment, though don't expect it to work. As QuackWatch says: "Since wax is sticky, the negative pressure needed to pull wax from the canal would have to be so powerful that it would rupture the eardrum in the process."
Butt Candling, by contrast, is just a joke. Though the guy who made the site is selling ButtCandle thongs and mugs on CafeShops. Yeah, that's just what I want to sip my coffee from in the morning: a ButtCandle mug. (Thanks to Jim Terr for the link)

International Jewish Conspiracy — All true conspiracy wackos know that there's an international Jewish conspiracy to control the world, but they may not have realized that this conspiracy has its own website, appropriately called InternationalJewishConspiracy.com. The site offers the lowdown on all aspects of the Jewish conspiracy, such as a refresher on secret Jewish signs as well as a list of some of the lesser known protocols of the Elders of Zion. Obviously the site is a spoof, and pretty funny. But still, I'm not sure how comfortable I'd be wearing one of the 'International Jewish Conspiracy' t-shirts they sell. I'd worry that people wouldn't recognize it as a joke. (Thanks to Jim Terr for the submission)

Misleading URLs — Jim Terr submitted this hoax website of his own creation: willingchicks.com. It offers "world-class companionship — If you can afford it!" It belongs in the genre of sites with misleading URLs, in the same vein as nice-tits.org and supermodelswithseethroughtops.com (all very safe for work). Misleading URLs are similar to Unfortunate URLs, the difference being that the former are intentional whereas the latter aren't.

Baldwinization — Dr. Clive Boddicker is a plastic surgeon who's discovered the secret of true happiness. Happiness is looking like one of the Baldwin brothers. And his Baldwinization procedure makes this possible. It "results in the patient's perfect resemblance of the Baldwin brother of their choice." For top dollar you can get 'The Alec.' But if you're on a tight budget you might have to settle for 'The Daniel.' Both men and women can undergo the Baldwinization procedure. (via New Yorkish)

Be A Celeb — Fake blogs are a growing trend on the web. Just recently we saw Plain Layne exposed as Odin Soli. But now, with the advent of an online role-playing game called Be A Celeb, the fake-blog phenomenon seems to be rising to a whole new level. The goal of Be A Celeb is to create a convincing fake celebrity blog. You can choose to be whatever celebrity you like, as long as someone else hasn't already taken the celebrity. Celebrities already in play include Clay Aiken, Jessica Biel, and Kirsten Dunst. Once you've created your fake celebrity, you can then make them interact with other fake celebrities... kind of like a strange alternative reality Hollywood, or LiveJournal Celebrity Sims.
An article about this game has been posted on morons.org. I'm wondering if they'd let me play either Plain Layne or Kaycee Nicole Swenson as a character... though they'd probably say they don't qualify as 'celebrities.'... or what would happen if a real celebrity began playing themselves as a fake celebrity? The mind boggles.