In its April 1, 1985 edition,
Sports Illustrated published an article by George Plimpton that described an incredible rookie baseball player who was training at the Mets camp in St. Petersburg, Florida. The player was named Sidd Finch (Sidd being short for Siddhartha, the Indian mystic in Hermann Hesse's book of the same name). He could reportedly pitch a baseball at 168 mph with pinpoint accuracy. The fastest previous recorded speed for a pitch was 103 mph.
Finch, Plimpton reported, had never played baseball before. He had been raised in an English orphanage before he was adopted by the archaeologist Francis Whyte-Finch who was later killed in an airplane crash in the Dhaulaglri mountain region of Nepal. Finch briefly attended Harvard before he headed to Tibet where he learned the teachings of the "great poet-saint Lama Milaraspa" and mastered "siddhi, namely the yogic mastery of mind-body." Through his Tibetan mind-body mastery, Finch had "learned the art of the pitch."
Finch showed up at the Mets camp in Florida, and so impressed their manager that he was invited to attend training camp. When pitching he looked, in the words of the catcher, "like a pretzel gone loony." Finch frequently wore a hiking boot on his right foot while pitching, his other foot being bare. His speed and power were so great that the catcher would only hear a small sound, "a little pft, pft-boom," before the ball would land in his glove, knocking him two or three feet back. One of the players declared that it was not "humanly possible" to hit Finch's pitches.
Unfortunately for the Mets, Finch had not yet decided whether to commit himself to a career as a baseball player, or to pursue a career as a French Horn player. He told the Mets management that he would let them know his decision on April 1.
The New York Mets's scouting report on Finch
Response
Sports Illustrated received almost 2000 letters in response to the article, and it became one of their most famous stories ever. On April 8 they declared that Finch had held a press conference in which he said that he had lost the accuracy needed to throw his fastball and would therefore not be pursuing a career with the Mets. On April 15 they admitted that the story was a hoax.
George Plimpton actually left an obscure hint that the story was a hoax within the article itself (the non-obscure hint being that the story was absurd). The sub-heading of the article read: "He's a pitcher, part yogi and part recluse. Impressively liberated from our opulent life-style, Sidd's deciding about yoga and his future in baseball." The first letter of each of these words, taken together, spells "H-a-p-p-y A-p-r-i-l F-o-o-l-s D-a-y."
In an odd follow-up, a baseball team in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, after reading the
Sports Illustrated article, tried to invite Finch to its annual banquet. They received a reply that read, "The challenge is reaching the Eightfold Path of right belief or the ninth inning with the proper relief. May you have peace of mind." They announced that they interpreted the reply to mean that Finch would be attending their banquet. It is not known whether Finch did attend.
Sidd Finch Haiku (Submitted by Hoax Museum visitors)
The Buddha says, seek
inner peace, harmony, and
World Series victory.
(by AB)
|
Legend'ry Sidd Finch,
A genius speed pitcher,
Milaraspa's heir.
(by Paul)
|
Sidd Finch's fastball
harnesses yoga power.
No one can hit it.
(by Damon)
|
|
Links and References
- George Plimpton, "The Curious Case of Sidd Finch," Sports Illustrated, April 1, 1985, p.59.
- John Freeman, "And now, the star of our show...," San Diego Union Tribune, April 15, 1985, D2.
- George Plimpton, "Welcome to the Dynamite Museum," Esquire, April, 1991, p.62.
- Fred Fedler, Media Hoaxes, Iowa State University Press, 1989, p.201.
Comments
Pete Rose is reported to be involved on the project. His ban from baseball is a ruse to cover his participation.
1. Do a Google search. You'll find lots of info on this guy.
2. He had a baseball card. 1963 Topps #496. The card is shared with Fred Newman, Carl Bouldin, and Jack Smith. I don't know much about Newman, but Bouldin threw in the low- to mid-90's. Then he wrecked his arm. Jack Smith was a junkballer who just never worked out. Won over 100 minor league games, though, mostly in the Dodgers and Braves organizations.
But there are enough minor & major leaguers, inc. Earl Weaver (who worked w/him patiently, extensively, & pretty successfully) & Ted Williams, sho testify to his unique speed, that I accept he was likely the fastest ever, a genetic freak.
The part that had me most baffled was Plimpton stating that Sidd played the French horn every bit as well as both Dennis Brain and Anton Horner. Brain and Horner are considered by most to be the two greatest horn players that ever lived. I played the horn professionally and was in shock when I first read the article in 1985. I had never heard of Sidd Finch nor would I ever hear of him again pertaining to the horn. Now I realize why. I have been had! I am partly relieved yet also saddened.
But Dalkowski was real. Google "fastest pitch ever" and you'll find him mentioned among the likes of Bob Feller, who once claimed to have been clocked at 108 mph. No one knows if that's true, but everyone knew enough not to contradict Feller; he'd throw at the on-deck batter if he didn't like the look on his face.
Why do I post this here? I started calling media, any media, trying to get him some publicity because I knew it would result in some much needed money for my friend. I had called Sports Illustrated several times and could not get anyone to take a call and hear my story. So, I called the next consequitive number I had been given hoping it would be somebody else at the magazine who would listen. It was answered by someone who sounded older than previously, and I asked how long he had been with Sports Illustrated, he said a long time. I asked, "You remember Sidd Finch?" He said of course, I said, "Would you give me five minutes to tell you a story if I swear to God I know a real one?" He said sure.
Robert finished sixth and earned his card. Sports Illustrated was there and did a feature story in the Feb. '95 issue. Robert got his 15 minutes of fame and I also got to help him sign an endorsement deal with Dickies for over $60, 000.00 More than he ever made in his life.
Turns out Sidd was real after all.
And as a Pirates fan, I too, was disturbed that it was The Mets, who lucked out by "getting" him!
I think about this story every April Fools Day! You've left a lasting impression George!