The April Fool Archive

Einstein Was Wrong    (April Fool's Day - 1984)

Lloyd Stallkamp, electronics instructor at South Dakota's National College, announced that Albert Einstein was wrong about light being made up of photons that travel at the speed of light. Stallkamp had discovered that, in reality, it was darkness that was composed of "darkons" that were gradually filling up the universe:

"All the caves are filled with dark already. Outer space is filled with dark already. Once the sun gets filled up, that's it. There's no other place to put it... We can see inside the sunspots that the sun is black inside. So my theory is that the sun is going to fill up with black and become a black hole."

Stallkamp offered experimental evidence to back up his theory: "I took a flashlight. Now a flashlight doesn't emit light. It's just sucking in dark. So I did an experiment. I left the flashlight on a considerable time until it went out. Then I cut the battery apart — and it's all dark inside."

Stallkamp also had concluded that darkness was heavier than light: "Just look in a pool of water. You'll see all the dark has settled to the bottom."

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