The April Fool Archive

Drunk Driving on the Internet    (April Fool's Day - 1994)

An article in PC Computing magazine written by John Dvorak described a bill going through Congress that would make it illegal to use the internet while drunk, or to discuss sexual matters over a public network. The bill was supposedly numbered 040194 (i.e. 04/01/94), and the contact person was listed as Lirpa Sloof (April Fools backwards). The article said that the FBI was going to use the bill to tap the phone line of anyone who "uses or abuses alcohol" while accessing the internet. Passage of the bill was felt to be certain because "Who wants to come out and support drunkenness and computer sex?" The article offered this explanation for the origin of the bill: "The moniker 'Information Highway' itself seems to be responsible for SB 040194, which is designed to prohibit anyone from using a public computer network (Information Highway) while the computer user is intoxicated. I know how silly this sounds, but Congress apparently thinks being drunk on a highway is bad no matter what kind of highway it is. The bill is expected to pass this month." The article generated so many outraged phone calls to Congress that Senator Edward Kennedy's office had to release an official denial of the rumor that he was a sponsor of the bill.

More content from the Hoax Museum:


You would know it had to be false, because there's no way a Kennedy would be against drinking or sex!!
Posted by dan  on  Sat May 08, 2004  at  12:51 PM
If this really did pass (instead of being a joke) those people who posted on the Bonzai Kitten's comment thread would all be fined and/or arrested. HA!
Posted by mem  on  Fri Jul 02, 2004  at  09:55 AM
This all was a moot point considering Kurt Cobain died days later
Posted by Harry  on  Thu Feb 24, 2005  at  01:26 PM
Dude, does Cobain dying have anything whatsoever to do with the article? It makes no sense whatsoever just to arbitrarily (sp?) bring up his death whenever April 1994 is brought up. I see no moot point here, unless you're one of those die-hard Nirvana fans with no lives that just sit in their basement, worshipping their shrines to Cobain. Seriously, that was 11 years ago. Get over it.
Posted by Dudester  on  Sat Mar 19, 2005  at  01:59 PM
Hmmm, I see no problem with this bill passing. 😊
Good joke though. 😉

(..and harry, shut up.)
Posted by Tek  on  Sun Apr 03, 2005  at  03:03 PM
Haha, that was pretty funny how Dudester reacted.

I do wonder, though, did Courtney Love kill Kurt Cobain?

Also, the US government did pass The Communications Decency Bill and even Clinton signed it. The communications deceny bill is roughly the same as this and it passed for the same reasons. I lost all respect for Clinton after he signed it and I liked him before.
Posted by Courtney  on  Fri Apr 08, 2005  at  01:51 PM
Thanks, Courtney. I just get pissed off when people just worship people because they're dead. Nirvana wasn't that great. Then, Cobain died. All of sudden, that was all you could hear on the radio. IT'S MAGIC!

I have a feeling that Cobain's still out there, making money with the other bandmembers.
Posted by Dudester  on  Wed Apr 13, 2005  at  04:15 PM
Good prank.

As for Dudester and Courtney, you idiots are still bringing up Cobain. This isn't a Kurt Cobain commentary! Dudester you were the first one to point that out to Harry but yet, you still managed to discuss Cobain with your idiot sidekick Courtney...
Posted by Tell It Like It Is  on  Wed Mar 22, 2006  at  02:26 PM
First, this article was rather amusing just to think that people would begin to believe it. But to make it more believable, they should include that there would be a breathalyzer that you have to blow into before your computer will operate.

As for the Nirvana comments, I find it humorous that Tell it like it is posted a comment on March 22, 2006 in response to a comment posted on April 13, 2005. Hmmm, almost a year later. Do you think they are actually still looking at postings?
Posted by Pay attention  on  Sat Apr 01, 2006  at  11:03 PM
In the current, New Puritan, atmosphere in the US, I wouldn't be at all surprised to see something like this.

I give it a week before Georgie's pals decide this is a good idea.
Posted by Dave  on  Thu Apr 06, 2006  at  03:21 AM