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"Very well-researched and delivered in an engaging, breezy, wink-wink tone similar to that of Mark Leyner and Billy Goldberg's Why Do Men Have Nipples?, this will likely be enjoyed equally by science buffs and casual aficionados of the curious. One of the finest science/history bathroom books of all time." -Kirkus Reviews |
#18: “Would You Go To Bed With Me Tonight?”
If you were a man walking across the campus of Florida State University in 1978, an attractive young woman might have approached you and said these exact words: "I have been noticing you around campus. I find you to be attractive. Would you go to bed with me tonight?"
If you were that man, you probably would have thought that you had just gotten incredibly lucky. But not really. You were actually an unwitting subject in an experiment designed by the psychologist Russell Clark.
Clark had persuaded the students of his social psychology class to help him find out which gender, in a real-life situation, would be more receptive to a sexual offer from a stranger. The only way to find out, he figured, was to actually get out there and see what would happen. So young men and women from his class fanned out across campus and began propositioning strangers.
The results weren't very surprising. Seventy-five percent of guys were happy to oblige an attractive female stranger (and those who said no typically offered an excuse such as, "I'm married"). But not a single woman accepted the identical offer of an attractive male. In fact, most of them demanded the guy leave her alone.
At first the psychological community dismissed Clark's experiment as a trivial stunt, but gradually his experiment gained first acceptance, and then praise for how dramatically it revealed the differing sexual attitudes of men and women. Today it's considered a classic. But why men and women display such different attitudes remains as hotly debated as ever.
If you were that man, you probably would have thought that you had just gotten incredibly lucky. But not really. You were actually an unwitting subject in an experiment designed by the psychologist Russell Clark.
Clark had persuaded the students of his social psychology class to help him find out which gender, in a real-life situation, would be more receptive to a sexual offer from a stranger. The only way to find out, he figured, was to actually get out there and see what would happen. So young men and women from his class fanned out across campus and began propositioning strangers.
The results weren't very surprising. Seventy-five percent of guys were happy to oblige an attractive female stranger (and those who said no typically offered an excuse such as, "I'm married"). But not a single woman accepted the identical offer of an attractive male. In fact, most of them demanded the guy leave her alone.
At first the psychological community dismissed Clark's experiment as a trivial stunt, but gradually his experiment gained first acceptance, and then praise for how dramatically it revealed the differing sexual attitudes of men and women. Today it's considered a classic. But why men and women display such different attitudes remains as hotly debated as ever.
Comments
Listed in chronological order. Newest comments at the end.
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Having read through your comments and advise to new swingers , I have to say that as a young couple we have now been swinging for a number of years but still found your site very interesting , and there are plenty of tips that even a more
Posted by katie oneil on Mon Mar 24, 2008 at 06:58 PM
The difference in responses make sense. Both on an evolutionary level and a 'holy shit I could get raped' level.
Men choose mates based primarily on 'replication value'. Certain hip/waist/bust ratios have been proven to be 'more attractive' to the majority of males. Men shown pictures of women (and vice versa) have chosen the more fertile subjects as the most attractive. The 'spread my seed' thing is true as well, since men existed in hunter/gatherer times only to continue the species.
Whereas women choose mates based on 'survival value'. If we get attacked, is this guy going to be able to protect my kids? Is he loyal enough to stick around? These questions still exist. Guys who display loyalty are very attractive to women. Confidence, posture, etc. are more important than statuesque features.
Point is, replication value is immediately evident, whereas survival value must be proven. So the 'Nice shoes, want to *#$k' line works on men more than women (though 33% of women responded 'yes' in the German study mentioned on page 1).
Posted by Adam on Thu Apr 03, 2008 at 07:33 AM
I the 'seed spreading' arguement held any water, our national sex symbols would all be fat chicks.
Furthurmore, we dont' really know how 'hunter-gatherer' societies worked, and the assumptions embodied in that tautological arguement, and has been correctly labeled a "flintstones version of ancient history" by some authors. Well, unlike some quacks, I'm not going to assume that the beginning of human existance had the same culture as the 1950s.
Posted by gs on Mon Apr 28, 2008 at 04:39 PM
I think it would be different in all places for sexual tendencies. At some places it might easier for both male and females for this to occur and other places it might be down right crazy.
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Posted by PikaPoka on Mon Aug 04, 2008 at 09:09 AM
yeah. i am read to do it.
Men will be always ready to do that and ofcourse women too..
Posted by condomman on Thu Oct 30, 2008 at 07:18 AM
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Posted by condomman on Thu Oct 30, 2008 at 07:21 AM
Men are big and strong. Women are not so... luckily. So a women would probably feel threatened by such an offer. and she could get raped.
I think a lot of it is as simple as that. No disrespect to women - but I believe they probably enjoy sex just as much as men.
But only if they are safe...
Posted by Dexy on Sat Dec 20, 2008 at 08:20 AM
Females choose their mating partners purely on biological reasons (ie, only conceive the healthiest seed for continuity of best offspring and protect the offspring during pregnancy). It is genetically embedded in them. This behaviour is common in many mammals. While male chose any partner to diverse their seed, this is also a genetically embedded attitude.
Some may ask, then why do women put on attractive sexy dresses and take sexy makeups while in public? well the answer is "To attract as many potential donors near them and then choose the best one out of many"
Absolutey biological and natural instinct.
I hope this answers all ambiguity.
Thanks
Posted by Rocky on Wed Dec 24, 2008 at 08:52 AM
Ill let you all know how it goesbecause my class is doing the same experiment for a project! "that was almost 30 years ago.
now would be 100% man would said yes and 50% for woman." ill let cha know!
Posted by courtney on Tue Feb 03, 2009 at 03:31 PM
It is sooo simple. I love having sex as long as I get at least one orgasm. I would have no problem with having sex with an attractive stranger if I knew 2 things. 1) He would have sex with me in such a way that I would have at least one orgasm.
2) I felt confident that I could subdue him if I felt I needed to so that I could control what kind of sex we had, how long we had sex, and make sure I would not be harmed or killed.
This is exactly what men require to have sex with strangers as well. Since I cannot be sure a stranger will participate in sex to the end that I have at least one orgasm and I cannot dominate the man so that I can decided what kind of sex will ensue, how long I will have it, and ensure that I will not be hurt or killed, I will not have sex with a strange.
Easy, simple end of story. Men wouldn't have sex with strangers unless they had those 2 requirements either. That's the only difference.
Posted by Cindy on Tue Feb 17, 2009 at 08:53 AM
I find the "men will hump anything" explanation inaccurate. Men go for the healthiest and most fertile looking mate (ie: Young looking with hourglass shape), they do have standards too you know, but if a woman has these qualities it's all green.
Posted by Ole Kr on Fri Feb 27, 2009 at 06:52 AM
Tim from Arizona>"Bars are a controlled environment......" I mean no disrespect but bars contain and encourage alcohol consumption, alcohol consumption can lead to extreme loss of control, loss of control (due to alcohol) can cause irrational behavior, aggression, elevated sexual promiscuity and communication breakdown. Now, I don't know what type of bars you have been exposed to but crowds of people, loud music and dark corners...populated by many dwellers in the above state leaves plenty an opportunity for non-consenting sex. This usually refers to acts of force and/or aggression sexually towards the woman (or man!) Unless the bar is S&M specific, this is generally not "under her terms"
Posted by Brenda on Sun Mar 01, 2009 at 02:39 PM
What's this Evolution Of Man thing? God made Man, then woman FROM man!!!! And of course you should say 'NO' to sex with a stranger, only and ONLY are you permitted to participate in sexual relations (with the intention to conceive) if you have been united in marriage with the participating other!!! Silly people!
Posted by Brenda on Sun Mar 01, 2009 at 03:40 PM
Just ask any man in a long term heterosexual relationship whether his female lover wants sex as much as he does. You'll find out women do not need sex nearly as much as men. In fact, most people suffer silently because they have given up asking for it.
Posted by Cal on Thu Mar 19, 2009 at 08:01 PM
i need to have sex before i leave to texes
Posted by Daniel on Mon Mar 23, 2009 at 12:02 PM
I'm tired of hearing about the evolutionarily example. It's just an excuse for bad behavior.
Posted by JustanExuse on Thu Aug 06, 2009 at 09:00 PM
I have a sneaky suspicion that if these women were approached by a rock star or a male celebrity, many of them actually would agree to sleep with him(even though most women wouldn't admit to this! :p). Looks alone just aren't enough for women to get in the sack with a man. They want to know that he brings home the bacon and has good genes. That means that women wanna get to know him a better to size him up(if he's a stranger and not famous).
Posted by Anton on Tue Mar 02, 2010 at 09:30 AM
No shit it didn't work, not one of those guys was Richard Feynman.
Posted by Chris on Wed Mar 10, 2010 at 03:24 AM
Men who complain the women don't innitiate sex or dont have sex enough are not well educated as to the reasons why. But I should note that women are to blame for this misinformation in today's society. Every woman knows, that to attract and keep a man interested, they will need to 'put out' because if they dont the man will surely leave them. Woman want emotional security in a relationship and usually will be completely satisfied with being with one man for the rest of their lives. The problem lies when they get married and the woman has had the man commit to her, and no longer feels the need to often 'fake' interest in sex to keep up with the male sex drive. Often it is not that women have completely lost interest in sex, because the drive was hardly there in the beginning, and was only amplified because of womans need to capture emotional intimacy from physical intimacy.
The female body was not created equal to the male mody when it comes to sexual satisfaction. A woman has very little feeling and nerve endings in her vagina. The majority of women get nothing out of vaginal penetration...NOTHING! But most men dont know this...yes, there are about 15% of women who have a g-spot that can be stimulated, or who can have an orgasm with vaginal penetration alone with indirect stimulation of the clitoris..Yes, the clitoris is located far away from the vagina, and it is the clitoris that can give a woman an orgasm. Many women find vaginal penetration to feel like NOTHING, or feel discomfort. Pornography is extremely faked showing women moaning and groaning after being penetrated. Women really need clitoral stimulation, or thrustin/grinding during penetration, not the in a and out motion most often shown in a porno. Womans bodies were created in such a way that vaginal penetration is not really satisfying. Vaginal penetration only good for conceiving a child or for the 15% of women that can feel a little bit of something...but its mostly for a mans pleasure
I look at it like this "role reversal"....A woman penetrates a man with a dildo and the man says, "that hurts" or "that feels weird" or "that is kind of a nice sensation"....well if a woman kept doing this to a man he wouldnt enjoy it enough because it either feels weird, or because he needs some sexual stimulation elsewhere to reach orgasm...and thats true...a man needs stimulation to his "johnson" otherwise, not much is going to happen.
Well the same holds true for women. The clitorus is where its at, not the vagina....so next time you go and penetrate a woman ask yourself if you would like to be penetrated in the way that I just listed above? Is the answer NO? Well no wonder you wouldnt be in the mood for that!!!
The same reason that women arent in the mood for vaginal penetration..Get it? A lot of women just fake how much they like it when it;s just okay...not great. if it were great, they'd want it again and again
Woman also have to deal with fluctuating hormones that truely mess with their libidos. Woman weren't meant to be sexaholics even though there is a small percentage lucky to have this problem...if they were, then the family unit would have fell apart hundreds of years ago.
I think there is too much emphasis on womans lack of sex drive in the media...the truth is I think the real problem is men are over sexed and are sex addicts (remember Tiger Woods?)...the focus should be on that. It's all they think about, and they put too much pressure on the female to participate.
If a woman asks you to do an activity that you're not in the mood to do, do you simply keep saying yes?
Posted by true to life on Tue Mar 30, 2010 at 05:13 PM
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