Vampire Sites

Here's a couple of vampire-themed websites sent in by visitors. First we have the Federal Vampire and Zombie Agency. According to the blurb on the site, "From 1868 to 1975, the Federal Vampire & Zombie Agency (FVZA) was responsible for controlling the nation's vampire and zombie populations while overseeing scientific research into the undead. This site is a tribute to the men and women who served in the FVZA, especially the over 4000 Agents who lost their lives fighting to keep our country safe." And next we have The Temple of the Vampire. If you want to live forever, then all you have to do is join the temple. The catch is that in order to join you have to buy their book, The Vampire Bible. That's a good sales gimmick. I should try something like that for my book, such as if you want to achieve a state of absolute enlightenment, then you have to buy my book.


Posted on Wed Oct 29, 2003


The TOV are a bunch greedy buggers exploiting people with mental illness.

I have read the Bible and it 'preaches' complete narcism and is against all groups and religions. They promote that members must keep their beliefs secret as its supposed to be something very personal to them. It encourages people isloating themsleves and outlines meditation practices to 'bring the undead gods into your room'.

What a great way to suck money out vulnerable people with mental illness.
Posted by theantiVamp  in  Vatican  on  Mon May 21, 2007  at  04:32 AM
Mystic, is your name Karl M. by any chance? How can I contact you by email?
Posted by Theoi  on  Wed May 23, 2007  at  05:52 PM
please, i want the five recommended vampire bible
Posted by celestine  in  senegal  on  Sun May 27, 2007  at  07:51 AM
please, i need the five recommended vampire bibles thanks
Posted by celestine  in  senegal  on  Sun May 27, 2007  at  08:00 AM
Hey, by all means I am not being mean, but I don't know who you all are really but you do not need to get vampire bibles for any reason. It is not worth it. If your a vampire, wanting to be a vampire or what ever you do not need a bloody bible to be it. It is just a way for people to get money. Some of you have been saying that and it is true. People just make the rules and follow them plus they are more like guide lines anyway. You all ready know them anyway, your instinks is what you follow not a bible. But that is just my oppinion.
Posted by no one  on  Fri Jun 01, 2007  at  08:44 PM
Oh, thanks for the link by the way.
Posted by no one  on  Fri Jun 01, 2007  at  08:45 PM's "Temple of the Vampire" calls itself ToV and is a rip-off of the latin priesthood of the "oriental" Temple of Vampires found in central America first revealed to the general public through through a 1950s radio play. will request that you buy their incomplete and plagiarised "Vampire Bible" to join and this will *then* tell you that you can not *really* know anything unless you join the inner temple of the priesthood of Ur. Of course to do this you must be an active subscribing member for a couple of years and purchase the vampire predator bible then pay for certification as a vampire predator, and only then buy the vampire priesthood bible and of course pay for certification as a vampire priest signing a contract never to speak out against the temple. At which point you will realise that you can not really achieve immortality unless one progresses to the level of Adept and buys the vampire sorcerer bible and pays for certification as a vampire sorcerer and then finally buy the vampire Adept bible and pay for certification as an Adept. If you have anymore questions for Magister Nemo (the Church of Satan rep who set the whole thing up) after this which he does not like (and invariably cannot answer competently) then he will always excommunicate you as he is also the ultimate executive. Look for the original Temple of Vampires instead.
Posted by Kazikli Bey  in  UK  on  Sat Jun 16, 2007  at  02:20 PM
The Tov say they do not condone any activity that is illegal. Well, these people are saying untruths in their bible that vampires wrote the US Bill of Rights.

Perhaps it is debatable whether this is illegal, but it is certainly going against real historical facts and implying strongly that the US govt supports vampirism. Perhaps there are some legal 'sedition' considerations here.

And any 'religion' that promotes extreme narcism and that living alone and isolated is a good thing, and keeping this secret while members have to pay subscription fees to them is perhaps a form of exploitation and emotional abuse of the mentally ill, which may also have some illegal implications ?
Posted by anti vamp  on  Mon Aug 06, 2007  at  04:34 AM
And another thing : Vampires Suck !

What a boring existence ! Being alone in your room, sitting in a chair all day trying to summon undead gods. Paying subscription fees to the TOV, while they are laughing their way to the bank, probably holidaying in the Bahamas somewhere.

Now lets take a real Vampire (they arnt real buts lets assume they are for one minute), they cant enjoy the taste of food, they cant play any sport during the day, they cant do anything much other than go around sucking blood off people like you and I ! Being immortal, then I think you would get very bored of that after about 2 years, leaving you to a 'lifetime' of complete mental torment.

The concept is just ridiculous and a complete scam.
Posted by anti Vamp  on  Tue Aug 07, 2007  at  10:32 PM
Hi everyone,

I've gone all the way up to "adept status".

The rest of you get off drugs or clear your head.

Take care.

PS: Great book(s)
Posted by Some dude  on  Tue Aug 21, 2007  at  02:44 PM
Anyone proud of any status they have reached would have to be in a psychotic and manic state, or sadly just very lonely or someone from the 'religion' trying to promote in a bizarre way more business for themselves.

Why is it, unlike other religions, that in order to reach a certain 'status' you are forced to pay the religion money ? To participate at all there is a minimum amount you must pay. Other religions may ask for donations but that is flexible and not mandatory. Other religions also dont require you to keep your involvement secret, but to be very open about it. What have they got to hide ?
Posted by antiVamp  in  The Vatican  on  Wed Aug 22, 2007  at  11:56 PM
umm well for starters, i dont believe vampirism is a religion, tht ToV bullshit is just tht, bullshit, however there are people who have a need for either blood or pranic/astral/psi energy or they could A)die...B)become depressed...C)have a mental breakdown and do sumthing either stupid or dangerous or both
these people are not immortal, they eat normal food and it tastes good, they can walk in sunlight though they may easily sunburn or be blinded by the light or have their mood effected in some way
if a bat can be parasitic off other creature's blood, why could there be a condition where a human was also forced to be parasitic?
these "Vampires" for lack of a better word are completely normal and functioning members of society, they have jobs and go to school and have children just like everyone else, just once in a while they like their steak incredibly rare or raw
i believe everyone has a right to their own opinions and no one should have to pay to talk to people with a similar mindset or belief system
some of them choose to take blood from a consenting adult donor, but roleplayers and false religious groups really need to stop because its very annoying

well there is my 5:33 AM after being up all night philosophy
if anyone has any questions my AIM is chicoine666,
and for more information about real vampires, visit
Posted by Mike  in  here  on  Sun Sep 23, 2007  at  04:32 AM
Dear Lord, Mike, grow up. I hate be rude, but these things simply are not true. There are no such thing as a vampires- only fools acting ridiculous because they think people will pay more attention to them if they behave like undead freaks.
Posted by Nick  on  Sun Oct 07, 2007  at  06:13 PM
like i sed, they arent undead
their body doesnt produce enough hemoglobin to sustain their lives
ever hear of hemophilia?
or anaemia for tht matter?
Posted by mike  on  Sun Oct 14, 2007  at  02:10 PM
oh ok get this bullshit, ok first off i have a life, a job a house a cat and dog, i told this nemo mother fucker that i got paid under the table for my job and he said i was involed in the black market, i'm here to tell you that, i'm on ssi and can only make up to $60.00 bucks or i loose my ssi check. so i had to break it down for him that i clean houses and offlices as my job and that i don't get paid on there time sheets and that the time that i do work goes onto my gfs time sheet and she gets the money and gives it to me for the time that i've worked, ya well this nemo's not very smart by the looks of things if he can just fly off the handle as he does without finding all the facts first, what a dumb fucker he is. i can sue his happy ass right now for slander. pisses me off, fuck him and his fake ass shit to the lowest bowls of hell. so he suppend my account at TOV for his fuck up, wow thats really smart you dumb bastard. you not smarter then me and you just go pissed off cuz you were wrong, grow up nemo and get some real balls, you childish motherfucker. maby i am a bit childish too but i still get my work done and done right, i can live with that, hell i've had a gf for 10 years and she loves me to death after all this time, so i must be doing something right. plus i took collage psyc 101 when i was 16, so i know all the little mind games people try to pull so i can tell you right now that he is full of himself, self deluted fucktard. that small enough for your tiny brain nemo the dumb ass fish, loser.
Posted by mick  in  not for you to know  on  Fri Oct 26, 2007  at  05:53 PM
and here's the email he sent me for the post above this one.

You posted in part: "...getting paid under the table for starters and
if thats what it takes for me to live then so be it."

Your complete post is reproduced below my signature.

This is against Temple Law as it advocates criminal activity.

It is illegal to participate in the black market.

I am suspending your membership as of now.

You will need to convince this Temple that you have abandoned this
line of thought to have your membership restored.

This is not an issue of debate.



You will have to totally abandon this line of thinking and action to
remain in the Temple.
Internet Administrator
Temple of the Vampire

still struggling, not in the least. i've had a girlfrend for 10 years
we have our own house, i pay all of my bills on time. My gf helped me
get a job and her boss says i do a better job then 3 girls combind,
i'm not lazy others just hold me back from doing what i love and i
would do anything even die as a mortal for them but i'd rather become
a vampire and thats what i'm working on, sucking lifeforce from my cat
and dog, my gfs dad and my gf. As far as the SSI thing goes, theres no
way out of it. but as in everthing there is an easy way to do things
as in getting money, like getting paid under the table for starters
and if thats what it takes for me to live then so be it. Now that
i've held a job for about 2 months, now i could not be happier. so as
you can see, if it takes ten bucks and a buttload of practice on the
nightside, it will be done. thats just too easy. if you have anymore
questions i'll be gald to get back to you on them. getting to know me
as a person is best before any kind of comments about me and my
personal life are made please and thank you its best left in the dark
for now, sence you are the system it will be no feat at all to find
out about me. i have no fear about becoming a vampire, i'm now making
it my lifes work. i will in time learn to feed off of humans, its just
a matter of time, cuz thats all i have left in this world. the rest of
my lifes work is now so easy its not even funny. i'm just as smart as
HP tech support and much easier to understand, i've studied collage
phyc 101 when i was 16 and the other teachers couldn't understand what
i was talking about and yet they let me pick what i wanted to learn
about and then grade me accordingly. So i know i the little mind games
that people that i've met before this try to do to me and they get mad
cuz they can't pull the wool over my eyes. which i has to hold my
toung and just laugh at them in my head, lol. so sence this is a
public thing i'll just have to let you get to know me. Smile your prey
is learing.

Humans are my prey and i will feed from there blood.

Have a good feeding.
Posted by mick  in  not for you to know  on  Fri Oct 26, 2007  at  06:06 PM
well i've sent him 2 letters and he's ignoring me, wow does he treat his family like that, beatting his wife or GF for that matter, hell i wouldn't put it past this guy thats into satan and stole the COS's guidlines and changed a few of the words around, but if you read the church of satan's site you'll see that its nothing more than the mirror affect. change this and that and beat my wife with a wiffel ball bat, to that end, sturring his pot of visions, while telling lies to the people that have weak wills and have nothing better to do. well i'm dropping out of the religion thing all togather, i have to get back to a real life with people that love me just for who and what i am, not to brain wash you into thinging other wise. They are real friends and not people out for a quick buck, speaking of which i think nemo's really pissed off cuz he found out i was on ssi and didn't think i can get him 10 bucks right when he wanted it, fuck that dude in the ear for all i care, they say that if you want to sell something lie your ass off to sell it. then the dead fish that he is makes a book, then sells it too, god's are for small minded people that have nothing to hold on to in this world so they just make it up as they go along, they always loose there followings sooner or later, its just a matter of time before he pisses of the wrong person, history shows us that all too well i might add. well peace the fuck out ya'll, hehe
Posted by mick  in  hell  on  Sun Oct 28, 2007  at  08:32 AM
Finally, a posting devoted to naming this organization as a HOAX.

It's a well-orchestrated hoax, dare I say brilliant, but a hoax nonetheless. It
Posted by Watching Your Wallet  on  Sun Dec 09, 2007  at  08:44 PM
Oh boy, lookie what I found on a google search for "temple of the vampire" and it even comes up in the top ten. How auspicious!

Where, oh where, is the almighty, immortal vampire Nemo to set the record straight here regarding the Temple of the Vampire? One of his ambiguous replies would be absolutely perfect just about now.

Come, tell the world how your organization is not a complete and utter hoax. Tell us how you think you are all elite and above the rest of humanity. Tell us how you're going to physically live forever, though I've heard you're getting older by the day, just like everyone else. Only human, isn't that right?

Most important of all, please tell us how many members of your organization are actually over the age of say... I dunno... how about 400 years old. That would qualify as someone who has succeeded in physical immortality to some degree, or at the very least, outlived his fellow man. This request implies living, breathing candidates only please, who are also subscribing members to your website.

You don't have to even give any names. Just a number, a statistic will do. Even one person? Anyone? I'll bet the majority of your members are under the age of 35, no?

Is it true there are no real immortals amongst your membership ranks? Even someone over the age of 150 years old might stir up some vague curiosity and a sense of credibility on your behalf.

Tell us, is Lucas Martel an immortal vampire? Isn't he the gentleman that signs all the membership title contracts which you then revoke at your nearest convenience?

Are all the immortals so feeble they cannot type words on a keyboard? Come on! I want to meet an immortal vampire!!!!!

Hey, if you're really watching as you say, I'd have already met you, but alas, I have not. If you all were really watching, you'd stop me from typing these words. You're not watching at all. See, I'm still typing!!!!!

Your motto is "Test everything, believe nothing" but isn't it true that anyone who doesn't do exactly as they are ordered is forced out of the group? What happens when you test everything and discover it's just a bunch of bullshit?

We want answers!!!!! Tell us it isn't really just a money-making hoax, Nemo. Please!!!!!

For Satan's sake, please tell us.
Posted by SATAN!!!!!  on  Tue Dec 18, 2007  at  10:02 PM
u ppl got it all wrong. when i was a kid my tooth fell out and i put it under my pillow and the tooth fairy took it and left me a dollar and santa claus used to leave me presence under the x-mas tree every year until i stopped believing in them both. the undead gods are like that too. don't ever stop believing in them or they won't come anymore. if u make them mad they put curses on u like it says on the website somewhere. u can't prove they're not real just like u can't prove crop circles, ufos, and the easter bunny are not real either.
Posted by bob  on  Wed Dec 19, 2007  at  11:15 AM
i forgot to mention that undead gods are real scary too and feed on dead ppl who are lost and trying to get to heaven. i hope they don't feed on my mommy and daddy, but if i make it to adept before that i can become an undead god too and tell them no don't eat my mommy and daddy when they die because they should go to heaven.
Posted by bob  on  Wed Dec 19, 2007  at  07:59 PM
Being a vampire enthusiast, it was only natural that I would join TOV to further explore the world of vampirism. Unfortunately most of those people are kooks and what you discover after you join is that they have very little to do with actual vampires at all. It's mostly all new age gobbledygook cloaked in vampire trappings. Anyone interested in actual vampires will most likely find themselves disappointed, as it is more like a cult than anything else, and ironically these people who are so in tune with the failings of others cannot see past their own delusions or lack of critical thinking when it comes to their own religion. All TOV really cares about is getting your money. I really objected to how they claim to be an ancient religion when in fact they are only as ancient as the late 1980's. Anyone who believes in all the crap they are selling really needs to either re-evaluate their conclusions or get their heads examined. It's mostly fancy and very little fact, and certainly not worth paying a monthly fee to be involved with. There are much better resources available to anyone seeking knowledge about vampires. Don't believe everything they say, because they are making lots of money off your ignorance and spiritual bondage.
Posted by Not Your Friend  on  Sat Dec 22, 2007  at  03:48 PM
One of those tov people friend requested me at myspace with this on his page:

"I expect all those asking to be my friend and on my friends list to be responsible, adult members of society. I will not accept members to my friends list who condone acts which are illegal in this country or the country in which that potential "friend" resides. I do not and will never condone illegal, irresponsible behavior such as using illegal drugs, committing acts of unjustified violence, drinking blood, participating in cannibalism, or anything of that nature. Please note this before asking me to be your "friend." And if you are denied by me, this is likely the reason why I have done so. Thank you."

I was like, uhhh.. no thanks.

Does being a responsible adult entail pretending to be a vampire, too? If they don't take part in those activities listed, then why mention them at all? Why would I want to be friends with a person that appears to be fighting against these strange behavioral impulses?
Posted by David  on  Wed Jan 02, 2008  at  09:16 PM
The mentally deranged need love too!
Posted by Not Your Friend  on  Sun Jan 06, 2008  at  10:09 PM
They don't need love.. they need a dose of reality! There simply aren't any REAL vampires. Trust me!

Hey.. where is Nemo? Somebody find Nemo, for Satan's sake.
Posted by SATAN!!!!!  on  Sat Jan 12, 2008  at  05:08 PM
Within lies fact and fancy, truth and metaphor. Discriminate with care, about 9 posts above this one, did nemo discriminate with care, no for you people that are kinda slow upstairs. It was rude to ignore someone that was simply trying to explain his case to this nemo the dream master fake fucker, that took it wrong, by the look of detail put into the posts, hopefully more TOV members will come forth and expose this nemo person thats been with COS and then made the spin off to COS as TOV. One ex-member has shown proof of his lies. so we all know there 100's more out there, spread the word to protect your friends and loved ones from this person. but you mick were right to state your case, he would't last 5 mins in a court of law, fuck you nemo. you spolied prick. see your ass in court.

Start the anit-cos&tov;movement today right now!
Posted by Mick  in  not for you stalkers  on  Sun Jan 13, 2008  at  02:12 AM
actually, you cant sue him, u paid for a book and membership to a forum, not immortality. therefore if you got the book when you paid for it and acess to their forum when you paid for it you have no grounds for a lawsuit, and i have no idea what you have against the COS, they dont hurt anyone and actually fight for the taxation of all religiously affiliated organizations
Posted by bob  on  Sun Jan 13, 2008  at  02:45 PM
If only the COS would open it's eyes to the parasite sucking on it's own jugular, otherwise known as TOV, making otherwise intelligent folk appear foolish or otherwise naive (thanks for the word Linguasomething) for believing in vampiric fairy tales of imagined power and immortality.

Grow up already.

Okay, okay, I'll shut up now, though I am still waiting for the eternally "watching" vampires to intervene here and shed some of their ignorance on the discussion at hand. Where are the undead when you need them the most? I thought they were supposed to come when you summoned them.

ps. bob.. don't I know you from somewhere? Your soul seems awfully familiar to me.
Posted by SATAN!!!!!  on  Sun Jan 13, 2008  at  10:46 PM
pss. I did buy the Vampire Bible from the TOV. I'm calling and calling, but only my cat seems interested. No undead gods present. Just me, but that's all that really matters. Just go through all the TOV circles and pay all that money and you'll see that it's only you in the mirror after all.
Posted by SATAN!!!!!  on  Sun Jan 13, 2008  at  11:05 PM
the undead gods only come if u send nemo the money. that is part of the deal they have with him, tho i don't why they would need money if they are gods. maybe the money is for when they come back to rule over the ppl. as long as they don't eat my parents ghosts when they die and feed on their souls, i will welcome them and pay nemo every month so i can make it to adept and become a super vampire like him. he's my hero after all. if you just send him the money or do it thru paypal, the undead will come when you call. it's like a prepaid cell phone. if you don't pay first, you don't get any service. if you send the money, they come into your bedroom or shower and feed on you so you can become a vampire god like nemo, my hero. and no, satan, i don't think we've met unless you are undead like the undead gods who i worship and who will someday give me super powers cause i am very special and born to rise above other ppl. u can make fun all u want, but u can't prove i'm wrong. vampires are reeeeal.
Posted by bob  on  Thu Jan 24, 2008  at  10:05 PM
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