The Online Pregnancy Tester

This site claims to be able to scan you through your computer monitor using 'zeta waves', and determine whether or not you are pregnant.

The scanning software checks for: Endocrine balance, Hormone levels, Amniotic concentration, Carbohydrate level, Ketone (ketosis/lipolysis), Ovulation status, Bovine Encephalitis, Distemper, and Progesterone infusion. The remote testing system then checks the levels and calculates the likelihood of your being pregnant.

It's a joke site, obviously. They do have such disclaimers on each page.
There are some good parts, such as the guarantee: "Our results are 100% guaranteed. Please note we only guarantee that you'll get a result, not that the results will be accurate." I also liked the section where it tells you the identity of the father of your baby.

(via randi.org)

Birth/Babies Websites

Posted on Sun Nov 05, 2006


Comments

Dammit... my birth control didn't work, and Pee Wee Herman got me pregnant! Apparently I'm having a baby boy named Gabriel.
Posted by Sakano  in  Ohio  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  08:57 AM
Not possible why would anything (just saying about aliens and sasquatch)think it was real.Deserves its place on a hoax website.
Posted by J  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  09:59 AM
The Birth Certificate at the end of the test is saying something about December 25th, 7:15 in the evening, Chambersburg Hospital, Chambersburg, PA.

Maybe they're making a public advertisement of some Christmas Party?
Posted by DukeLeto  in  Bucharest, Romania  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  04:41 PM
you can easily tell that it's a parody jsut by looking at rrr the rrr by looking at rrrr I'm sorry excuse me brb
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:14 PM
right there on the first pggnnrrrr sorry the first gnnnnnnnnrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr oh god not now the doors not lo
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:19 PM
rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrf arr rrrrrrrrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:23 PM
Are you trying to tell us something? Are you the mother of your baby?

T.
Posted by DukeLeto  in  Bucharest, Romania  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:26 PM
arrarrfffaarrrrOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. rrf
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:26 PM
Should I look for some Xanax?

T.
Posted by DukeLeto  in  Bucharest, Romania  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:30 PM
Congratulations, Sharruma! You're "with child". Our remote testing system has detected that you're pregnant. The Miracle Of Life has begun! To see whether your baby is a boy or a girl, click the "View My Baby" button below.


Sharruma, you're going to be the proud parent of a baby boy, and just look- isn't he just so damn cute! Based on our remote test results, your beautiful baby boy will weigh about 14 lbs, 9 oz and have brown hair and gray eyes. Truly a Wonder To Behold!


Michael Jackson

OMFG! We didn't even know that Michael Jackson had DNA compatible with Earth women. Don't blame us if your kid turns out to be a Smooth Criminal.
Posted by Sharruma  in  capable of finishing a coherent  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:35 PM
...just don't let him near the baby... last time he showed it hanging to the press. Other than that, your child will be happy. He'll have his very own amusement park.

T.
Posted by DukeLeto  in  Bucharest, Romania  on  Sun Nov 05, 2006  at  05:39 PM
I'm deeply disturbed...I appear to have been impregnated by Ralph Nader...sorry, Acci!

Although I do like the name they picked out for the baby - Hannah.
Posted by Smerk  in  to mischief  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  04:04 AM
Oh, and Hairy's problem is that it's full moon...we'll just have to let him run about for a few days...
Posted by Smerk  in  to mischief  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  04:16 AM
I've been impregnated by Janet Reno!
Posted by MadCarlotta  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  09:00 AM
Vozdra! Ima li netko mojega govornog podrucja na ovom web-site-u? grin
Posted by Mario  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  09:26 AM
im pregnant! with a girl who will have brown hair and grey eyes, aww.

GAH. The pope is the father!
Posted by thunder  in  England  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  10:49 AM
Janet Reno is the father of my baby!!!

I didn't go further to look at other results. I was too grossed out by the Janet Reno thing.
Posted by Maegan  in  Tampa, FL - USA  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  11:54 AM
god-hwo can you people ignore it Its so damn bright rrrrrrrrrrrah
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  05:53 PM
shes so beautiful like the ocean in my blood nnrrrrrr
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Mon Nov 06, 2006  at  05:57 PM
"I'm deeply disturbed...I appear to have been impregnated by Ralph Nader..."
- Posted by Smerk

shock
Posted by Accipiter  on  Tue Nov 07, 2006  at  10:18 PM
Noticed all the babies look the same... even when I typed in Duhead and Cracker Jack for the name. The father is Fabio, even though I live in Australia... When I typed in Cracker Jack, Elvis was the father... disturbing...
Posted by Meerkat  on  Tue Nov 14, 2006  at  09:40 AM
Suprisingly enough this site got 2 out of 4 right.
I am pregnant at the moment and the songram told me I'm having a girl
Posted by Dany  in  Waco, Texas  on  Thu Nov 16, 2006  at  06:13 PM
wow i had a girl named stephanie by fabiooooo
Posted by amy norman  in  barnesville  on  Fri Nov 16, 2007  at  06:23 AM
There
Posted by Dubai Web Design  in  Dubai  on  Sat Nov 15, 2008  at  09:33 PM
i think i was raped!!!!! i would NEVER do bill clinton! that mother fu**er impregnated me with a fu**ing 13 pound baby. amanda sue clinton?? she aint mine!!!!!
Posted by lindsey  in  salisbury, md  on  Fri Feb 06, 2009  at  11:13 PM
Commenting is no longer available in this channel entry.