The First Amish Newsletter

We Amish are not without humor, Brother Eli. Just last eventide, my friend Esau and some of the other Elders played quite the joke on myself and mine family. When my son Abraham arose at 3am and went to the outhouse for his pre-milking morning movement, he found that the outhouse door was nailed shut! We rolled about in fits of laughter afterwards, but we were sorely vexed at the time, for I had left my best claw hammer atop the roof of Esau's barn the previous eve, and couldst not pry loose the door. I will tell this tale at family gatherings for many months to come, I am sure.

I was reminded of the "Amish Virus" that was being circulated a couple of years ago. An oldie but goodie

http://www.duke.edu/~charlie/AmishVirus.html

Technologically impaired.

Total Weird Al.

I didn't know you could make a buggy out of "popular".

We get a fair number of Amish people around here from time to time. One thing I've noticed is that, while they won't actually operate things like cars and computers themselves, they'll quite happily let somebody else do it for them. I've often seen where they've made friends with a non-Amish person, and have that person drive them all in his minivan to the supermarket. That makes me wonder: could they have electric lights in their homes, if they had a non-Amish guy to come in and flip the switch on and off for them?

Accipter, once upon a time I worked as a morning drive ("wacky") radio DJ in York, PA, just a few miles west of Lancaster County (Amish Country). I was told by someone who claimed to have installed a few of them himself, that a lot of Amish families secretly had electrical power cables buried underground so that they could have modern appliances without their neighbors seeing wires going to a power pole. Whether that's actually true or not, I can't say.

During my brief tenure in York, I kind of pissed off some people when I proposed my "Cultural Exchange Program" whereby some Amish women would be swapped for Times Square hookers. Hey, I was trying to bring America together!

Accipiter, Amish people are actually allowed to operate such things themselves (teenagers have a year or two where they can go free and decide whether they want to stay Amish. I think some of them drive cars). The problem is that it would be a matter of pride to own one. You can borrow from the English or share (such as a town phone), but it would be prideful to have your own. Although I have heard that many families hook up electricity to the barns "for the animals." The animals also enjoy stereos and televisions.

Whilst I cannot speak for all my brethren, I assure you that my family and I do not utilize electricity or avail ourselves of such modern conveniences as the telephone, pagers, blackberries, tomtoms, cell phones or any other handheld device that vibrates and gives pleasure, although my wife Sarah had asked me to get one. I consulted the other Elders and they have said that they will consult with Sarah in private and see if they can satisfy her longing for such devices. I told her of their intent, and she said that she will pray that their ministrations will affect her deeply. I suggested that she shave first, and she agreed. I wonder, pray tell, what bikini wax is, for of these things I have little knowledge.

It seems acceptable, at least among certain groups, to use modern conveniences when running a business. Amish bakeries I've been to have looked like any other bakery, with electric lights, electronic cash registers, phones, you name it. All that modernism doens't come cheap either, because those baked goods sure are sold at a staggeringly good profit.

I just assumed such conveniences didn't carry over into their home life.

A lot of the apparent discrepancy in Amish customs comes about because there are almost as many different Amish sects as there are Amish people. Some dress only in black; others dress only in gray; still others will wear any color but shun buttons. Some will use motorized farm equipment, but only if it is pulled by horses. Some will have a telephone, but not in the house (it's in the barn or outside in a little box). And so on. One group believes that it's all right to drive cars, but not with chrome on them, so they paint the whole car, including the bumpers and hubcaps, black (of course, this was more of a problem back when all cars had chrome-plated bumpers). They're known in Pennsylvania Dutch country as the "Black-Bumper Amish." So a great many generalizations about Amish people, and similar groups such as Hutterites and "Old Order" Mennonites, turn out to be true of only a subset of the community.

"Technologically impaired" is from Amish Paradise.

I vaguely remember a painful reality tv show where Amish kids on their "rumspringa" (like spring break, I guess, they get to experience the outside world and decide if they like it or not) got to live with regular L.A. kids of the same age. It definitely showcased how much nicer and more normal the Amish kids were than their L.A. counterparts. And I think they all decided they wanted to go back to their old lives. And come on, given the option to live in L.A. or on an idyllic rural farm, which would you choose? I think I'd pay someone to not make me live in L.A.

It's a deal, Anne. Pay me, and I won't make you live in L.A.

Should be "I bid ye welcome" not "I welcome thee" - also Amish don't consider themselves to be "American" - they don't believe in Nation states as such, and they all are working.

I sure have a story for your news letter. From passing on this story to you & your readers I am praying some one may be able to help me & my family.

My grandfather was born in York and latter moved to Michigan. In 1965 my grandmother passed away suddenly, leaving my grandfather to raise 7 children. A year after her tragic death, the state of Michigan came in and removed the 7 children and placed them up for adoption. One of those 7 children was my mother. I started to look into my mothers adoption about a year ago. I was lucky enought to find three of her siblings, but her birth fahter had passed in 02. As I researched more I came to learn my grandfahter came from a Amish family from the York & Lancaster Pa area. My grandfather had tried for years to find all of his children and bring his family back together. Sadly he passed before he could so now I am trying to do what he was unable to do. I need help finding information on my Amish lancaster & York, Pa family!! I have tired so many websites, archives, and every thing I can think of, but with little luck. My family name is Hunt. Is there any one out there who can help me..Please???