Porthemmet Beach

The website for Porthemmet Beach advertises that it is the best beach in Cornwall. It also claims that it's the only beach in the UK to allow topless sunbathing. So how does one find this beach? These are the directions on the website:
Porthemmet is very easy to get to from anywhere in Cornwall. Head north up the A30 until you see the signs. They are very clear, you can't miss it! It should be noted that there is a private joke in Cornwall whereby locals will pretend to not know where Porthemmet Beach is. Don't be fooled, every Cornish person knows about this beach, they are just having some fun. Tell them that you are an "emmet" (someone that loves Cornwall, see below) and that "there'll be ell-up" (nothing to do) if they don't tell you.
Apparently in recent months tourists have been trying to find this idyllic beach. But with no luck, because the beach doesn't exist. It's the tongue-in-cheek creation of Jonty Haywood, a teacher from Truro. According to the BBC, if people were actually to follow the directions to Porthemmet, they'd find themselves leaving the county. In an interview with The Independent, Haywood explained why he created the hoax website:

"Although I would like to claim there is an important underlying point being made here, there isn't. Sending tourists off to find an imaginary beach is funny."

(Thanks to Sarah Hartwell, messybeast.com)

Places Websites

Posted on Thu Sep 27, 2007


When I was a wacky morning drive radio DJ in the Allentown, PA market, I used to do the opposite thing. I pretended that a real place didn't exist.

I chose at random some small town north of Allentown (I'm forgetting the name at the moment) and I "explained" on the air that there was no such place. I said that, years ago, a map company had put the fake place on their maps as a way to catch copyright violators (something that map companies actually, do, but with fake roads rather than entire towns).

I maintained the hoax for the entire time I worked at Q-100, sometimes pissing off people who lived in the town I claimed didn't exist. The arguments I had with callers were great.

Moral of our story? Denying reality can be FUN, kids!
Posted by Cranky Media Guy  on  Thu Sep 27, 2007  at  07:18 PM
Residents of Cornwall are generally a different breed from the rest of England. They are proud of their Celtic origins and it would seem that they'd be happy to annex off Cornwall under it's own nation. I deal within my daily work all of Cornwall's local councils and there are definately some odd characters residing there. I suppose it's a bit like the mid-west of the USA, isolated and living a few years behind the rest of the country.
Posted by mr royale  on  Fri Sep 28, 2007  at  04:38 AM
"It should be noted that there is a private joke in Cornwall whereby locals will pretend to not know where Porthemmet Beach is. Don't be fooled, every Cornish person knows about this beach, they are just having some fun. Tell them that you are an "emmet" (someone that loves Cornwall, see below) and that "there'll be ell-up" (nothing to do) if they don't tell you. "

This is the BBC-2. Our top story is the rash of savage beatings in the vicinity of Cornwall...
Posted by Mark  on  Fri Sep 28, 2007  at  02:34 PM
Well done to Jonty Haywood.
Could'nt have done better my self :lol: .
The Cornish have nothing against the english except that when they come here on holiday they seem to leave there brain and driving abilty at home and clog our roads up with bloody caravans.
Just to make a few points.

(1) Kernow has never been emmited as a county of England and god willing never will be, Kernow is a country.

(2) Kernow has its own language, national flag and national anthem.

(3) In Kernow The St George is know as the blood cross from when the English murded 3000 men, womem and children in 1549 the Prayerbook rebellion.

Britsh goverments, king and queens, past and present have all tried to get rid of the cornish language and break the cornish pride and as you see today all have failed.

Kernow Bys Vyken.
Rydhsys rag Kernow lemmyn
Posted by Matt ( Cornish)  on  Fri Sep 28, 2007  at  04:24 PM
This is hilarious!!!
Posted by Christopher  on  Sat Sep 29, 2007  at  04:38 PM
The beach in question is in fact on the windward side of Oahu. The island is rabbit island.
Posted by John McKiernan  on  Fri Oct 05, 2007  at  11:50 PM
This would be quite a funny joke if there were no undercurrants of hatered behind it.
The fact is without all of us Emmetts where would the Kernowans be? I tell you where, skint and helpless. What would you be living off? tin mines?
Lots of people from Cornwall come to London to make thier living and i dont begrudge a single one or them. So why when i come to your neck of the woods do i get ridiculed for spending my money on your goods? Every so called celtic nation wants away from England, but would sink into dispair with out it. Face facts, you need us but we dont really need you. I hear the south of France is very nice this time of year.
Posted by Big fat cat englishman  on  Fri Aug 15, 2008  at  08:35 AM
Big fat cat englishman.....please feel free to go to France then.

Why has this turned into a ridiculous slant on Cornish people. Have you considered that maybe us Cornish have a sense of humour. I have heard that London is particuarly cold at this time of the year and no, I am not referring to the weather.

We are merely having a joke, rather than ignoring everyone, which you tend to happen in your neck of the woods do on a daily basis. I certainly don't need to go to London to make a living. I earn a perfectly good living here in Cornwall.

Please see it for what it is - a joke and try smiling.
Posted by Natalie  on  Mon Mar 09, 2009  at  04:40 PM
I now live in Cornwall, and I moved here because I love it - not because I had no choice and was brought up or born here. Does that mean that I'm not as welcome?
It is a joke, and I find it really funny, but I do also find that with many Cornish people, they actually look down on you if you're not born here. Now where I come from, there are loads of tourists in summer around Sherwood Forest. Without them, it would be an even bigger hole and with a lot less money.
Surely looking down on people who weren't born where you were is xenophobic or possibly racist? It's not a nice attitude anyway. I just wonder if Cornwall would be a nicer place without this "chip on shoulder" attitude?
And Matt from Kernow, Cornwall IS a county in England. It's on the map and everything. Welcome!
Posted by Dan  on  Tue Mar 10, 2009  at  05:56 AM
Diz da Dan.
Typical english attitude with a big chip on there shoulder. Do you know any Cornish History at all or can you at least speak 2 words in Cornish (i doubt it).
Before you make such a stupid comment "Cornwall IS a county in England. It's on the map and everything." Please learn a lttle history and then perhaps you will see what a stupid prat you are lol lol .
Kernow bys vyken.
Posted by Cornish Australian  on  Sat Mar 14, 2009  at  04:38 PM
Well, Cornish Australian, I am in the real world. The present world. Right now, Cornwall IS a county in England. To say that it's a stupid comment, is a little daft!
I was taught to treat people the same, no matter where they come from.
Even if they're Cornish. Or Australian.
Posted by Dan  on  Sun Mar 15, 2009  at  02:58 PM
G'day Dan.
It wasnt a daft comment, well maybe if you are an english idiot who doesnt know any Cornish history not just the lies and crap the english has writ about.
Im all fore taking people as they are and where they come from so before you go on please learn to speak Cornish as your in Kernow at least learn the language and if not please feel free to bugger off back to that crap place called imigrant england.
Kernow bys vyken
Posted by Cornish Australian  on  Sun Mar 15, 2009  at  09:01 PM
I shouldn't reply to troll comments like yours, but I live with that attitude here in Cornwall now and I have to stand up to it. Taw taves.
In the real world, in the present time, you are an outdated xenophobe.
I saw that same attitude in Australia with their immigrant policy so you'll fit in nicely.
Anyone can google a few Cornish words.
Syns dha glapp.
Posted by Dan  on  Sat Mar 28, 2009  at  06:07 AM
"Cornish Australian", stop being an idiot. Most people I know are proud to be Cornish *as well as* English. We might call Cornwall "a separate country from England" now and again, but we are half-joking and are not dead serious about it. We love our culture, history and pasties... But who supports Mebyon Kernow or speaks Cornish anyway? (I mean who apart from the solitary person who defaces English Heritage signs with a scruffy St. Piran flag). My point entirely.
Posted by Duncan Hill  on  Fri Jul 31, 2009  at  04:12 PM
This is all apile of shit. Cornwall, isn't its own country. I think it should be by the way. Im a proud Englishman and today i heard 2 Cornish men talking proudly about the England football team. It seems to me that the cornish want to be there own country untill something comes around like the world cup that they cant even put a capable team together, let alone get in the world cup so they suddenly become English. The cornish are annoying pathetic and stupid and the only reason i havent moved back out is cos im broke else i'd be out of this dump quicker than you could blink. I hate the Cornish and i am proud to be English or an "Emmett" as the cornish call us...being an emmett means, unike the cornish, i have a brain and i use it.
Posted by Glen Pettifer  on  Tue Jun 22, 2010  at  11:29 AM
@ Glen Pettifer

Typical twat.
Posted by J  on  Sat Jun 26, 2010  at  11:53 AM
@ J
Well done J, you put two words together...Now your ready for pre-school. Dont strain yourself though, i bet it took ages to think up that reply. Cornish are ya?
Posted by Glen Pettifer  on  Thu Jul 29, 2010  at  02:46 PM
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