According to Don Diebel, "Americas #1 Singles Expert", the secret to picking up women is
hand puppets. (so that's what I was doing wrong back when I was single... no hand puppets!). Here's what you do:
When you see a girl that you're attracted to, approach her and tap her on the shoulder lightly with your puppet and when she turns around raise your hand puppet towards her face and say something like this with your puppet, "Hi beautiful, would you like to dance with me?" Move your puppet up and down with your hand as you are saying your script just as if the puppet was really talking. And be sure to talk in a real silly voice.
As far as I can tell, Mr. Diebel is perfectly serious. (via
J-Walk)
Comments
http://www.ogmac.co.uk/sidcup/swisstony.htm
if he tapped me on the shoulder i'd do that thing where you turn slightly, register that there is a crazy person in your presence and then slyly gaze over their shoulder and briskly walk away.
unless the puppet offered to buy me a drink, in which case i might make eye contact with the puppet.
after i got the drink i'd probably ask the puppet if he'd like to go home with me, but he'd have to ditch his friend first.
if the puppet refused i would take my drink and dissappear into the crowd.
Reminds me of a story a friend of mine tells about a guy he used to know (that must count as a friend-of-a-friend story, right?). He had discovered something called the 'one in thirty' rule. The theory was, if you go up to thirty women, perfect strangers, and simply ask them if they 'wanna fuck', twenty-nine of them will slap you, tell you off, sic their boyfriends on you. But one of them will always go for it.
The story goes that the guy used to show up at my friend's house with a face red and bruised from slaps and a big smile on his face. Which meant he had spent the afternoon at the mall, using the one-in-thirty principle.....
Seems to work for MILF Hunter, assuming that that stuff isn't staged. (Not that I would download that sort of thing. Err....)
Not my friend, his friend. I can't speak to the state of this person's health since I don't know if he used condoms or not (if he did, that puts your supposition largely to rest). It's rather a moot point, since he later died in a car accident that was caused by NOT drinking. (He was only a careful driver when he had a load on, you see. He was careless when driving sober, and that's what did him in. Lots of stories about this guy, went by the name of Ogre.)
Which is not to say the idea itself isn't still reprehensible, since it effectively reduces sex to a meaningless act of release committed upon a warm body that has been reduced to a sexual object. Ogre wasn't a nice guy.
I wouldn't do it. Well, I might make thirty offers in the interest of empiricism, just to test the theory, but I wouldn't sleep with a stranger just because I could.
You wouldn't happen to be in/from Atlanta (or the friend of yours is from Atlanta?).
I heard a similar story about a guy in Atlanta, and our mutual friend was someone I knew at Ga Tech.