Penis Theft Panic in Congo

Penis-melting Zionist Robot Combs have struck in the Congo. Minus the Zionists and the Robot Combs. From Reuters:

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo's sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.
Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

So how do you argue with a man who claims that his penis has been stolen. Kinshasa's police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, isn't having much luck:

"I'm tempted to say it's one huge joke," Oleko said.
"But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it's become tiny or that they've become impotent. To that I tell them, 'How do you know if you haven't gone home and tried it'," he said.

Body Manipulation Mass Delusion

Posted on Tue Apr 22, 2008


As seen in Indonesia:

'"...The trouble is, if you get anxious, it only makes it smaller, to the point where it can disappear
Posted by Robert Seddon  in  Durham, UK  on  Wed Apr 23, 2008  at  03:34 AM
If one were indeed found guilty of stealing another's penis, how, exactly might one make restitution for the crime to the victim? If it were monetary, I assume it would be based upon the value of said penis to the former owner. If one loses an organ or digit,(eye, finger, penis) then the value of said item would vary from person to person, based upon whether said item is used in the procurement of wages or income, and the loss of earning potential that may come with the loss of the item, hereafter referred to as "the wang". Personally, I don't think I could get much for my Wang, due to poor maintenance, heavy mileage, and unavailability of replacement parts. Even rarely used, I'd prefer to keep it, rather than lose my wang and gain some money, for what gains a man who wins the money, but loses the Wang? (for the juvenile amongst you, I said "I finger penis", and you didn't even get it. Tsk, tsk.
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Wed Apr 23, 2008  at  11:56 AM
Is it any wonder that no matter how much money and resources are poured onto the African continent, it remains a land without civilization? I mean, look at the nonsense that runs rampant in the countries formerly run by the white man - the South African health minister has been quoted that the cure for AIDS is to consume garlic and beetroot. And in other areas it is believed that the cure for AIDS is to have sex with a very young virgin.

People will believe what they want to believe no matter the facts.
Posted by KDP  in  Madill, OK  on  Thu Apr 24, 2008  at  07:59 AM
"...using chopsticks"????
Posted by Big Gary  in  La Joya, Texas  on  Fri Apr 25, 2008  at  10:28 AM
I wonder how much time KDP has actually spent in an African country? In my experience most people you meet are at least as sane as George W Bush, who thinks you can stop AIDS by telling people to have sex with only one person. Mr Oleko's robust common sense seems authentically African to me. But no doubt KDP will continue to believe what he wants to believe, 'no matter the facts'.
Posted by Mr Henderson  in  London UK  on  Sat Apr 26, 2008  at  05:34 PM
I agree with Mr. Henderson in as much as most Africans I know are as sensible and intelligent as most other people I know.

... But can't we please come up with some other standard for evaluating mental health than "at least as sane as George W Bush"?
That's like saying "No more dead than Francisco Franco."
Posted by Big Gary  in  El Dorado, Texas  on  Tue Apr 29, 2008  at  06:53 PM
It's rumored that the Great Fascist Leader is still brain dead, and plans to be brain dead all thru next year. And Franco is still dead, too
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Tue Apr 29, 2008  at  06:58 PM
I only dragged George W into it because of the reference to AIDS - I didn't realise it was a cliche in the USA. But I must point out that there are degrees of sanity, but not of deadness. So your analogy fails. So there.
Posted by Mr Henderson  in  London UK  on  Wed Apr 30, 2008  at  03:52 PM
To quote the coroner of Munchkin City: "She's not only merely dead, she's really most sincerely dead". No degree of deadness? Who are we to argue with Munchkins? Talk to the tiny hand
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Wed Apr 30, 2008  at  04:31 PM
I might also add The Princess Bride wherein Wesley was only 'mostly dead'.

Once again my movie-watching has provided me with invaluable information at a moment of need.
Posted by Charybdis  in  Hell  on  Wed Apr 30, 2008  at  04:37 PM
"Sleep well, and dream of large women". Inconceivable
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Wed Apr 30, 2008  at  05:13 PM
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