The Museum of Hoaxes
hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive hoax archive
   
Hoaxes Throughout History
Middle AgesEarly Modern1700s1800-1840s1850-1890s
1900s1910s1920s1930s1940s1950s1960s1970s1980s1990s21st Century2014
Virgin Sacrifice at Loch Ness
image In just a few weeks, on the night of September 6th and 7th, a white-magic ritual will be performed on the banks of Loch Ness to call up Nessie. Performing the ritual will be Kevin Carlyon, High Priest of British White Witches. Now here's the interesting part. Should the ritual fail to achieve anything, Carlyon will then bait Nessie with an irresistible lure: a virgin adorned with vegetables and tied to a stake in the waters of Loch Ness. I certainly don't see how that could fail to get Nessie's attention.

Carlyon is currently accepting applications for the role of the virgin bait. He specifies that whoever it is must be female (so I guess Marc can't apply), aged between 18-25, pretty, petite, a non-smoker, a non-drug-user, and in good shape. Carlyon reports that he's already received quite a few applications, including ones from a transvestite and a woman who wanted to know if she could bring her kid along (she must not have understood the 'virgin' part of the job requirement).

I personally find the timing of this event extremely frustrating. In September, as part of my long-planned European vacation, I'm going to be visiting Loch Ness, but I'll be arriving on the 10th... THREE DAYS after the virgin sacrifice. So it looks like I'll miss it. And it's too late to change the dates of my flight. The one time in my life I visit Loch Ness and I miss getting to see a virgin sacrifice by a few days. That's just my luck.
CryptozoologyParanormal
Posted by The Curator on Sat Aug 21, 2004


I really wish people could be rational about things like this! Most folks think Nessie is female -- wouldn't a male virgin be a better idea? And why would anything shaped like a pleiosaur be interested in the physical-fitness of a human? Probably the plumpest virgin would be a better lure. Looks more like Nessie, better eating....
Posted by cvirtue  on  Sat Aug 21, 2004  at  11:21 PM
Rational?
To quote The Princess Bride, "I do not think that word means what you think it means."
Posted by Chellee  in  Dallas, Tx  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  12:48 AM
This bit of news leaves me completely speechless. I mean, this is world class A bull at its finest. Shame on the retards that will take part of the event thinking it has a chance of working.
Posted by The Mexx  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  03:23 AM
lols!
Posted by Shah  in  Singapore  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  02:08 PM
white magic + virgin sacrifice = complete nonsense
Posted by Ariel  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  03:44 PM
Complete nonsense, but potentially amusing spectacle to observe.
Posted by The Curator  in  San Diego  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  04:26 PM
Wouldn't Nessie rather has a REALLY big fish?

High Preist of the Britsh White Witches? Definately not Wiccan.
Posted by Brenda Layland  in  San Antonio, TX  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  05:24 PM
somehow and someway, this is the president's fault.
Posted by john  in  NH  on  Sun Aug 22, 2004  at  06:41 PM
"Adorned with vegetables" Ha!
I'm going to get caught goofing off if you don't stop putting stuff like this on here!
I love it, a virgin sacrifice adorned with vegetables...un-touched pot-roast.
Posted by Gee...  on  Tue Aug 24, 2004  at  04:36 PM
A virgin + lot of beer + some white magic = good time isn't it?
Posted by Alien  on  Tue Aug 24, 2004  at  05:23 PM
I think it's plain ridiculous. hmmm
Posted by Shah  in  Singapore  on  Fri Aug 27, 2004  at  07:12 AM
Commenting is no longer available in this channel entry.
All text Copyright © 2014 by Alex Boese, except where otherwise indicated. All rights reserved.