Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


It was acutally because of Chuck Norris that Mary got pregnant.
Posted by dan demers  in  Welland Ont  on  Wed Mar 01, 2006  at  04:06 PM
chuck norris waits and wathes for you who question his ass kicking powers
Posted by cole  in  maiden high school  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  06:19 AM
chuck norris died ten years ago, death is to afraid to tell him
Posted by brad  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  11:24 PM
...Chuck Norris invented the sea-section when he round-house kicked his way out of the womb
Posted by ?????  in  ?????  on  Mon Mar 06, 2006  at  12:44 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by J  in  Norway  on  Tue Mar 07, 2006  at  01:10 PM
chuck norris once slept with and entire covenant of nuns 20 years later the champion miami dolphins were created
Posted by wang  in  batmans layer  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:17 PM
chuck norris recently had the idea of seling his urine as a canned bevrage. We know this drink as Red Bull.
Posted by wang  in  batmans layer  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:19 PM
chuck norris never missspells a word. if he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Posted by wang  in  batmans layer  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:25 PM
"chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice."
Posted by the king  in  nj,usa  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  04:06 PM
The reason 12:00 flashs on your VCR is because Chuck Norris sneeks into everyones home and round-house kicks it....

and he is the only one who can stop it.
Posted by person#2  in  on  Thu Mar 09, 2006  at  07:35 PM
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. So if you mess with Chuck Norris, then you will have to go through Chuck Norris.
Posted by Name Here  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  10:33 AM
Chuck Noris Likes to kniting sweaters in his spare time and by kniting I mean kicking and by sweaters I mean babies
Posted by Joe Kickass  in  Somewhere  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  06:48 PM
i googled "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" and got 324,000 results... grown alot since december 05 when it was about 30
Posted by joe  in  fl  on  Sun Mar 12, 2006  at  04:07 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by GFORCE  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  10:01 AM
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding...
Posted by SilverTalonā˜¼  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  11:01 AM
to all you dick fucks who think chuck norris was trained by bruce lee, he wasnt, he was trained to his low level of martial arts capabilities and the Bruce Li Martial Arts Academy, a common martial arts school around the country
Posted by joe  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  06:34 PM
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Posted by BamfManiac  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  07:15 PM
you people are so pathetic
Posted by your mom  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  09:10 PM
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a tree in a forest, EVERYONE hears it fall!
Posted by S&S  in  South Africa  on  Wed Mar 15, 2006  at  03:50 AM
Ever heard of a little place called the Grand Canyon? Chuck Norris makes love to it. Nightly.
Posted by Tek Jansen  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  04:11 AM
shock chuck norris wantas to get you!

remember kids.. when chuck norris farts entire cities are destoryed
Posted by bob  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  07:36 AM
Chuck Norris never wears a condom. There is no such thing as protection against Chuck Norris.

If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.

There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
Posted by ice9  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  02:08 PM
chuck noris dosent read books. he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
Posted by mason  on  Fri Mar 17, 2006  at  07:26 AM
downer you guys can be such online drama douchebags.. just tell some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Posted by Dab  in  New Hampshire  on  Wed Mar 22, 2006  at  04:21 PM
shutup or i'll put you on my kill list, then you'll be dead. roundhouse kick and out.
Posted by chuck norris  in  everywhere  on  Sun Mar 26, 2006  at  04:32 PM
Of course they had to kick the snot out of everyone! All "action" movies are like that.My all-time favorite was the " Kung-Fu" TV show starring David Carradine. He was a skinny little Chinese monk, very spiritual, but then some braying jack-ass of a cowboy would just CROSS THE LINE and Mr. Peaceful would have to POUND HIM, very peacefully of course!
Posted by Champy45  in  Chicago  on  Wed Mar 29, 2006  at  03:25 PM
Cuck norris uses 8 / 12 pieces of ply wood to whipe his ass
Posted by GT Ward  in  austin texas  on  Sun Apr 02, 2006  at  01:42 AM
OHh Yehhh, Chuck Norris. The only man to ever slam a revolving door. Chuck norris doesnt chew on pop rocks, he chews on Bullets.
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:34 PM
In the begining of time, before all else, God said let there be light, and of course Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:38 PM
this is for you topic creater
Posted by topic creator is dumb  in  nonya  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  09:20 PM
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