Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006



Comments

It was acutally because of Chuck Norris that Mary got pregnant.
Posted by dan demers  on  Wed Mar 01, 2006  at  04:06 PM
chuck norris waits and wathes for you who question his ass kicking powers
Posted by cole  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  06:19 AM
chuck norris died ten years ago, death is to afraid to tell him
Posted by brad  on  Fri Mar 03, 2006  at  11:24 PM
...Chuck Norris invented the sea-section when he round-house kicked his way out of the womb
Posted by ?????  on  Mon Mar 06, 2006  at  12:44 PM
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by J  on  Tue Mar 07, 2006  at  01:10 PM
chuck norris once slept with and entire covenant of nuns 20 years later the champion miami dolphins were created
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:17 PM
chuck norris recently had the idea of seling his urine as a canned bevrage. We know this drink as Red Bull.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:19 PM
chuck norris never missspells a word. if he does, he simply changes the spelling.
Posted by wang  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  03:25 PM
"chuck norris has counted to infinity. twice."
Posted by the king  on  Wed Mar 08, 2006  at  04:06 PM
The reason 12:00 flashs on your VCR is because Chuck Norris sneeks into everyones home and round-house kicks it....

and he is the only one who can stop it.
Posted by person#2  on  Thu Mar 09, 2006  at  07:35 PM
Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris. So if you mess with Chuck Norris, then you will have to go through Chuck Norris.
Posted by Name Here  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  10:33 AM
Chuck Noris Likes to kniting sweaters in his spare time and by kniting I mean kicking and by sweaters I mean babies
Posted by Joe Kickass  on  Fri Mar 10, 2006  at  06:48 PM
i googled "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" and got 324,000 results... grown alot since december 05 when it was about 30
Posted by joe  on  Sun Mar 12, 2006  at  04:07 PM
Chuck Norris doesn't get wet, wet gets Chuck Norris.
Posted by GFORCE  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  10:01 AM
Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding...
Posted by SilverTalonā˜¼  on  Mon Mar 13, 2006  at  11:01 AM
to all you dick fucks who think chuck norris was trained by bruce lee, he wasnt, he was trained to his low level of martial arts capabilities and the Bruce Li Martial Arts Academy, a common martial arts school around the country
Posted by joe  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  06:34 PM
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe

Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
Posted by BamfManiac  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  07:15 PM
you people are so pathetic
Posted by your mom  on  Tue Mar 14, 2006  at  09:10 PM
If Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks a tree in a forest, EVERYONE hears it fall!
Posted by S&S  on  Wed Mar 15, 2006  at  03:50 AM
Ever heard of a little place called the Grand Canyon? Chuck Norris makes love to it. Nightly.
Posted by Tek Jansen  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  04:11 AM
:ahhh: chuck norris wantas to get you!

remember kids.. when chuck norris farts entire cities are destoryed
Posted by bob  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  07:36 AM
Chuck Norris never wears a condom. There is no such thing as protection against Chuck Norris.

If a tree falls in a forrest, does anybody hear it? Yes. Chuck Norris hears it.

There is no such thing as a lesbian. Only a woman who hasn't met Chuck Norris yet.
Posted by ice9  on  Thu Mar 16, 2006  at  02:08 PM
chuck noris dosent read books. he stares at them until he gets the information he wants.
Posted by mason  on  Fri Mar 17, 2006  at  07:26 AM
:down: you guys can be such online drama douchebags.. just tell some chuck norris jokes

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Posted by Dab  on  Wed Mar 22, 2006  at  04:21 PM
shutup or i'll put you on my kill list, then you'll be dead. roundhouse kick and out.
Posted by chuck norris  on  Sun Mar 26, 2006  at  04:32 PM
Of course they had to kick the snot out of everyone! All "action" movies are like that.My all-time favorite was the " Kung-Fu" TV show starring David Carradine. He was a skinny little Chinese monk, very spiritual, but then some braying jack-ass of a cowboy would just CROSS THE LINE and Mr. Peaceful would have to POUND HIM, very peacefully of course!
Posted by Champy45  on  Wed Mar 29, 2006  at  03:25 PM
Cuck norris uses 8 / 12 pieces of ply wood to whipe his ass
Posted by GT Ward  on  Sun Apr 02, 2006  at  01:42 AM
OHh Yehhh, Chuck Norris. The only man to ever slam a revolving door. Chuck norris doesnt chew on pop rocks, he chews on Bullets.
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:34 PM
In the begining of time, before all else, God said let there be light, and of course Chuck Norris said, "Say Please!"
Posted by marlin  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  04:38 PM
this is for you topic creater
http://chucknorrisfansretarded.ytmnd.com/
Posted by topic creator is dumb  on  Wed Apr 12, 2006  at  09:20 PM
hmm i searched for Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked on google it came up with 495,000 results...
Posted by Idunno  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:15 AM
Castor Troy owns Chuck Norris' soul.
Posted by pollucks  on  Fri Apr 14, 2006  at  02:05 PM
chuck norris doesn't t-bag girls......he potatosacks them
Posted by harry knutzack  on  Mon Apr 17, 2006  at  05:02 PM
Click the link, these are a lot like Chuck Norris facts but animated, weird.

http://www.doctordelicious.com/littleknownfactsmain.html
Posted by rebusjoe  on  Wed Apr 19, 2006  at  02:36 AM
Wow, the fact thet anyone could possibly perceive that something stating "The opening scene of Saving Private Ryan is loosely based on games of Dodgeball Chuck Norris Played in second grade" is actually serious is a serious loser. You don't get out much, do you RAMcHYLD? You Know that weird yellow thing in the sky every time you go get Bawls before dark? That is the sun. Maybe if you saw it more often, women would not run in fear of you.
Posted by Sinnfeinster  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  06:28 AM
Get over yourself, Sinnfeinster. It was a joke, get over it.
Posted by Dan  on  Thu Apr 20, 2006  at  12:10 PM
Chuck Norris is the only human being that Bill O'Reily of The O'Reily factor will agree with. It's not that Chuck Norris is right about everything. It's because, Chuck Norris controls the media and, therefore he controls Bill O'Reily. Before, the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:25 PM
Some people think that comets come from outerspace and, are responsible for bringing the building blocks of life to Earth. In reality comets are actually kidney stones that Chuck Norris passed many years ago but, they are responsible for life as we know it.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:40 PM
Long ago there was nothingness and, Chuck Norris didn't have anything to roundhouse kick so, he created the universe. In closing, the meaning of life it self is to be roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris. End of story.
Posted by P.J.  on  Fri Apr 21, 2006  at  01:50 PM
Chuck Norris once challenged a statue to a staring contest. Chuck Norris remains undefeated.
Posted by Crystal  on  Mon Apr 24, 2006  at  10:53 PM
The premise of the show 24, staring Keifer Sutherland, is actually based on the true life story of Chuck Norris' beard.
Posted by P.J.  on  Tue Apr 25, 2006  at  08:42 AM
chuk norris is chuk norrris duh by the way chuk norris is not all people think he is the jokes are old stop telling them already
Posted by beemlord  on  Tue May 02, 2006  at  02:24 PM
I found this facts generator too! LOL can't get enough chuck!

http://www.ninjadude.com/chuck-norris-facts-generator.php
Posted by Stephen  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  03:26 AM
chuck is dumb
Posted by roberto  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  07:18 AM
chuck norris was going to be on the next UFC pay per view, but when his opponent was told he was fighting the chuck he immediatly tapped out.
Posted by kent  on  Wed May 10, 2006  at  11:02 PM
one day chuck norris was in the forest looking for hippies to use as firewood, when he came across a wild boar. He telekinetically lifted the boar into the air with his mind and gutted it.
Posted by eballa  on  Fri May 12, 2006  at  02:58 PM
Boo.
Posted by Chuck Norris  on  Sat May 13, 2006  at  02:56 PM
Actually, by now there are 2 image results for "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked," but neither of them have anything to do with what their titled. It's probably your fault, as with web pages about asses being kicked popped up when you said there weren't any. But whatever.

I bet someday there will be a nut that will kick poor Chuck Norris in the ass, just for so, because of everybody talking about it

And he won't be able to roundhouse kick and kill him because, realistically, that's illegal.

And then somebody will take a picture and post it on Google. Old un-updated Chuck Norris sites will look stupid(er) because there are millions of controdictions to popular jokes.

But whatever, go on with your stupid jokes and have fun. Buttbrains.
Posted by the Nerd Table's official Pimp  on  Sat May 13, 2006  at  03:23 PM
CHECK OUT http://www.thepeon.com AND GO TO JOKES, AT THE TOP, THERE IS A GIANT LIST OF CHUCK NORRIS JOKES. HILLARIOUS!!!
Posted by Noah H.  on  Sun May 14, 2006  at  04:16 PM
chuck norris lost his virginity before his dad


chuck norris went to the virgin islands and wen he left it was just the islands
Posted by nick  on  Sun May 14, 2006  at  08:17 PM
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