Chuck Norris Facts

Status: Tall Tales
I don't know when the Chuck Norris facts first appeared on the internet. Many of you might already be aware of them. But just in case you're not, they're worth a look. Here's a few of the facts:

• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
• The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
• If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris is aware of these "facts" being spread about him. So far, he has generously allowed their authors to live.

Celebrities Folklore/Tall Tales

Posted on Thu Jan 12, 2006


# Some people like to eat frogs' legs. Chuck Norris likes to eat lizard legs. Hence, snakes.
# The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
# Sweating bullets is literally what happens when Chuck Norris gets too hot.
# Every time someone uses the word "intense", Chuck Norris always replies "you know what else is intense?" followed by a roundhouse kick to the face.
# Santa Claus actually *did* exist until he accidentally skipped Chuck Norris's house one Christmas.
# Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
# The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch.
# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
# Chuck Norris is the only one who can "try this at home."
# The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
# Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.
# Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for a day. Give a man anything that is better than a fish, and Chuck Norris will beat his ass and take it.
# The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer.
# For Chuck Norris, every street is "one way". His way.
# The only sure things are Death and Taxes
Posted by Will S  in  Fairfield, CT  on  Sun Dec 06, 2009  at  02:33 PM
Chuck Norris's hand is the only hand that can beat a royal flush.
Posted by Jamal!  on  Mon Dec 28, 2009  at  04:07 PM
Listen, if you are not a Chuck Norris hater then ignore this. But if you are, you can kiss my ass, not any one of you haters can go against him and win. If any of you feel offended by this, email me and we will figure it out. My last thing to say is, Go to hell you haters.
Posted by None ya  on  Fri Jan 22, 2010  at  10:38 PM
By the way, my email is .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
Posted by None ya  on  Fri Jan 22, 2010  at  10:40 PM
The Chuck is what gives Norris his power. It's an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together.
Posted by Brian Rasmussen  on  Fri Feb 05, 2010  at  06:12 AM
A few years ago, Chuck Norris' pet escaped. To this day, the army still calls it "Cloverfield".
Posted by rpcarnell  in  Panama  on  Wed Feb 24, 2010  at  01:58 AM
The reason there were only 300 Spartans at Thermopylae is that the other 12,000 insulted Chuck Norris' mustache. Big mistake.
Posted by ESinAmarillo  in  Amarillo  on  Sat Apr 03, 2010  at  05:23 PM
chuck noris destroys the periodic table with the element of suprise!
Posted by billy  in  hamilton  on  Tue Apr 27, 2010  at  03:45 PM
google serch
google chuck norris and click the imfeeling lucky box smile
\(musthave the google)
Posted by billy  in  hamilton  on  Tue Apr 27, 2010  at  03:47 PM
the boogie man checks under the bed for chuck norris
Posted by Zac  in  bendigo  on  Sun May 16, 2010  at  02:51 AM
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