Alex Boese Quotes

Much to my surprise, I came across this page of "Alex Boese Quotes" on I was kind of flattered to find it, even though I'm sure the page was created by a computer trawling newspaper articles, and despite the fact that the three quotes (which I do recognize, and which I did say) are completely unmemorable. I think I've said some better things in my life. For instance, the first sentence of Hippo Eats Dwarf is better: "We live in a hippo-eats-dwarf world."

And what about this quote from page 12 of Hippo Eats Dwarf: "The fact is that men possess all the biological equipment necessary to produce breast milk." That's a quote worth committing to memory.

Or from page 79: "Drinking your own urine is said to help improve your immune system, give you nice skin, prevent aging, and fight gum disease. And that's just for starters."

Or from page 83: "To produce rat-milk cheese, you would need an awful lot of rats."

I notice that thinkexist has a "submit a new Alex Boese quote" link. So if anyone is interested, be my guest. Maybe you can even think of some things I should have said.


Posted on Tue Aug 15, 2006


I'll have to go back and re-read both books to find those lines that made me laugh out loud...and there were a few of them. What can I say - you're a funny fellow 😊
Posted by Nettie  in  Perth, Western Australia  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  03:24 AM
Actually, the quote about scientists is pretty intelligent and worth remembering.
(But damnit, I still haven't bought Hippo Eats Dwarf. Next time I'm at a bookstore I swear I will!)
Posted by Citizen Premier  in  spite of public outcry  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  10:38 AM
Next: The Alex Boese drinking game! Get together with 10 of your best buddies and read from the book -- each person reads one page and then passes it on. Decide which phrase(s) call for taking a sip of your drink, or doing a silly trick (such as everyone jump on one foot at the word "hoax.")
Posted by cvirtue  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  12:34 PM
How about, "Maybe you can even think of some things I should have said." That's a good one.
Posted by Archibold  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  01:15 PM
How about "Our enemies are finding new ways to harm our country...and so are we!"
I'm not sure it was you who said that, but this is the Museum of Hoaxes...
Posted by Owen  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  02:08 PM
Scrap that...registration now?
Posted by Owen  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  02:09 PM
One of my all-time favorites is still this gem:

"Archibold pointed out that Snopes has a page about this video in which they point out that Ricky Jay has written about a similar early version of this trick in Learned Pigs & Fireproof Women."

But that's only because I was so glad to be pointed out on the website :lol:
Posted by Archibold  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  04:54 PM
Speaking of quotes and "Hippo Eats Dwarf," I was pleased to see that the book includes several of the items I've suggested to Alex over the past couple of years, but disappointed that he didn't quote my comment on the E-Bay auction of Paris Hilton's pubic hair ("Can there be somebody out there who doesn't already have some?").
Posted by Big Gary  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  07:24 PM
So when does the on-line collection of quotations from your co-Administrator Flora come out? That ought to be a fascinating, colourful read for anybody who can translate Scots and who doesn't have too strong of a filter on their computer. . .
Posted by Accipiter  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  09:01 PM
I vote for evirtue's drinking game. And FLora will probably put her own 'tribute' together, and why not? Remember, cyberspace is free - well, in and of itself it is, but then the cable guy comes, and then the bills, and oh my...
Posted by stork  in  the spiracles of space  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  10:52 PM
It's free until the neighbours realise that you're tapping into their wireless network. . .
Posted by Accipiter  on  Wed Aug 16, 2006  at  11:39 PM
Our neighbours do actually have a completely unprotected wireless network...I'm just too nice to use it :(
Posted by Owen  on  Thu Aug 17, 2006  at  10:33 AM
Here's my favorite Alex quote, from June, 1981: "No- I won't eat it, you can't make me, and the dog just pooed in your shoe". I actually engraved that line onto a bronze plaque, which I have hung over my still. Still brings tears to my eyes. The plaque, not the still. The still brings plaque to my arteries, and no quote from Alex can help that. sniffle
Posted by Hairy Houdini  on  Fri Aug 18, 2006  at  09:09 AM
My favorite quote is: "You can't keep a good Raoul down". I am not knowing if Alex said that, but it is true. Actually, you cannot keep Raoul down, good or bad. The truth to tell is, even when you say "Bad Raoul, Bad Raoul, down, boy", I still stay up, but I will go down at the same time because am I not: Raoul, The Multi-Task Master of Ambidextrous Pleasure? Of the course I am, you robot Alexes, yous. That is too funny, no? Rrrraoul
Posted by Raoul  on  Fri Aug 18, 2006  at  01:30 PM
I've been stealing my wireless connection since may...
Posted by Razela  in  Chicago, IL  on  Tue Aug 22, 2006  at  10:24 PM
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