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Win A Book, Contest #2
image I've received a free copy of David Wilton's new book, Word Myths: Debunking Linguistic Urban Legends, courtesy of Oxford University Press. So I'm having a contest to give it away. The book has just been published. I'm not sure it's even out in stores yet, but you can get a copy here... if you win the contest.

First, what's the book about? Wilton debunks all those stories about where words come from, such as 'is GOLF really an acronym for Gentlemen Only, Ladies Forbidden?' or 'does SOS stand for Save Our Souls?' or 'was F**K originally an acronym meaning For Unlawful Carnal Knowledge?' You'll have to get the book to find out the answers. It's a lot of fun, and quite enlightening.

Here's what I've decided for the contest: urban legend haiku. I figure this is appropriate since it's a book about urban legends and language. Whoever comes up with the best haiku describing an urban legend (or a hoax, since this is the Museum of Hoaxes) wins the contest. What's 'best' will, of course, be subjectively decided by me.

If you need inspiration, examples of urban legend haiku can be found here or here. I'm not going to be a stickler about whether or not entries maintain proper haiku form (three lines: first line five syllables, second line seven syllables, third line five syllables), since apparently the idea that haiku must adhere strictly to this form is itself a bit of an urban legend. Keep it to three lines, but if the number of syllables isn't perfect, I don't care.

Here's my own rather weak attempt at a hoax haiku. It took me all of a minute to write:

Enclosed in glass,
Soon she'll be rectangular,
My Bonsai Kitten.


You'll have to do better than this to win the book.

The contest will end on Nov. 20, about a week from today (oh, and you can submit as many haiku as you like).
Update: And one more thing, submit your entries as comments. Don't email them to me directly.
Update: Okay, the contest is now closed. I need a day or two to review all the entries.
MiscellaneousUrban Legends
Posted by The Curator on Fri Nov 12, 2004
Ev'ry stick of gum
I've ever chewed and swallowed
Is still inside me.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:01 PM
Hot water freezes
Faster than cold water does.
Simple, isn't it?
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:03 PM
In elevator,
big black man with dog says, "Sit!"
So everyone does.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:12 PM
I had the biggest
beehive hairdo in town, 'til
spiders ate my brain.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:14 PM
A Boese is Fine
Living the High Life with Bev
Happy Forever
Posted by Beverley  in  San Diego  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:15 PM
Cement truck driver
gets revenge on wife's amour.
For sale: new Jaguar.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:19 PM
Dead cat in a bag
is heavy load, suddenly
transformed into ham.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:23 PM
Luggage rack Grandma
tours around the USA,
then goes home with thief.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:25 PM
Woman on the lav
Oh what pain what agony
giving lobsters birth
Posted by Sharruma  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:46 PM
Oh, waiter, waiter!
Won't you please feed my dog now?
No, no! Not to me!
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  08:57 PM
I humbly present
Some of my haiku efforts
In no set order:


Spectres for auction
Proliferate on eBay
For your ghostly needs

Hi! Microsoft is
Tracking this missive. Send on,
and wait for hand-outs.

Cryptic predictions
enshrined in his poetry
Hail, Nostradamus

My arm is itchy...
Heavens forfend! The spider
Bites with Novocaine

Armstrong stuns the world
From earthbound studio. That
will show the Russians
Posted by Nefertari  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  10:17 PM
Don't ever trust the
Zionist penis melters.
Damn that robot comb!
Posted by J D  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  10:25 PM
Fido licked her hand,
But then she saw the message:
"People can lick, too."
Posted by Katherine  on  Mon Nov 15, 2004  at  11:43 PM
Awake, cold at dawn
White porcelain resting place
My kidneys are gone.
Posted by Franck  in  Ottawa, Canada  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  10:29 AM
My dog gasps for air
Choking on human fingers
Where did they come from?
Posted by Matt  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  11:43 AM
Have you heard the news?
Alex's jackalope is
really a jackdeer.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  01:37 PM
I'm not sure if my haiku went through the last time - maybe I clicked the wrong button. Here it is again.

My dog gasps for air
Choking on human fingers
Whose hand are they from?
Posted by Matt  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  06:21 PM
Ok, now I see - the comments are added at the end of the list, not the beginning.
Posted by Matt  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  06:31 PM
Superendowed kids
Hoist boulders on fingertips.
What are they eating?
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  07:27 PM
my Haiku (based on a real urban legend):
Twins alone at home
filled rooms with junk and clutter
Died of Poverty
Posted by Conny  in  Vienna  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  07:48 PM
Airlines now request
your accurate height and weight
Big(:) source of income
Posted by Conny  in  Vienna  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  07:55 PM
robotic roaches
assume a leadership role
lead them to their death
Posted by John  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  07:57 PM
Oh I-sixty-nine!
That highway will take your time
on memory lane
Posted by Conny  in  Vienna  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  08:00 PM
Hero of tunbridge wells
does good deeds, stops crime, wins hearts.
Monkeyman is here.
Posted by Sharruma  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  08:55 PM
Virgin in the bread?
Verging on the ludicrous
father, son and holy toast (yeah I know 7 sylables)
Posted by Sharruma  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  09:05 PM
seven is only an extroverted five wink
Posted by Sharruma  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  09:20 PM
Oh what a surprise!
Pope is different to most
John is really Joan
Posted by sharruma  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  09:24 PM
Paul is from Holland.
He is a very good sport,
and spells pretty well.
Posted by Big Gary C  in  Dallas, Texas  on  Tue Nov 16, 2004  at  09:26 PM
Count the votes again!
I invented internet,
and won Florida.
Posted by Christina Martin  in  Washington  on  Wed Nov 17, 2004  at  12:21 AM
Store High In Transit
or methane will fill your nose
like someone broke wind.
Posted by Christina Martin  in  Washington  on  Wed Nov 17, 2004  at  12:26 AM
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