Hoax Museum Blog: Food

Explicit Scenes On Haribo’s Fruit Chews? — Do the new graphics on boxes of Haribo's Maoam fruit chews show scenes of explicit sex? The members of St. Blasien Jesuit College think they do, and have publicly complained about them. The boxes depict various fruits frolicking with a blobby lime-colored creature. Are the scenes as bad as the college says? Well, you've got to admit that the College has a point. After all, what is that lemon doing with the lime-blob? Even Haribo admits that the packaging is "very racy." So my guess is that the sexual overtones are deliberate. But on the other hand, we are just talking about fruits and a lime blob. So maybe all of us who think the lemon and lime-blob are getting it on, just have dirty minds. The controversy reminds me of that rogue tin of Huntley & Palmers biscuits, but on a much larger scale.
Update: The story gets even better. Turns out that the faculty of the Jesuit College never complained about the racy candy packaging. The letter of complaint actually was "a hoax perpetrated by pupils at the school who admitted writing it and posting it on the Internet 'as a joke'." The German tabloid press found the letter, thought it was real, and reported it as news. You gotta love the tabloids. Of course, this still doesn't answer the question of just what is that lemon doing with the lime-blob?

Snake Wine — I belong to the wine club of a local Southern California vineyard, but although they've sent me some nice merlots, chardonnays, etc., they have yet to send me any snake wine. Although I just found out about this stuff myself, evidently it's quite real, and fairly well known... at least in south-east Asia, where it's predominantly found. Snake wine consists of rice wine mixed with (you guessed it!) snake. You buy it in bottles with the snake coiled up inside (here's a picture). Very pleasant. Reportedly, the more venomous the snake, the better the wine. For a more in-depth account of snake wine, check out this article by Jerry Hopkins where he describes visiting the Snake King & Completely Restaurant in Guangzhou and sampling not only snake wine but also Five Testes & Penises Wine. (via Mostly Harmless)

Freezing Plastic Water Bottles — An email has been going around about the danger of freezing plastic bottles of water. It goes something like this:

Johns Hopkins has recently sent this out in their newsletters...worth noting...
Dioxin Carcinogens cause cancer. Especially breast cancer. Don't freeze your plastic water bottles with water as this also releases dioxin in the plastic. Dr. Edward Fujimoto from Castle hospital was on a TV program explaining this health hazard. He is the manager of the Wellness Program at the hospital.

But Johns Hopkins never sent out a newsletter suggesting any such thing. And Dr. Rolf Halden, of the Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health, has now gone on record to debunk this hoax, noting that if freezing the plastic bottle were to do anything, it would probably make the water inside safer to drink because "freezing actually works against the release of chemicals."

But heating plastic water bottles is another matter. "Halden does warn that another group of chemicals that are used to make plastic less brittle can be released if you place them in hot water or heat them in the microwave." But considering all the junk that we Americans willingly shove into our mouths, the "miniscule amounts of chemical contaminants present in your water supply" probably shouldn't be high on anyone's list of worries.

Crop Circle Beer — Here's something I'd really like to try, but sadly it doesn't seem to be available anywhere except a few bars in the New York region. It's Crop Circle Beer, dreamed up by Dudley Cates, Jr. who, according to this Newsday article, has always had a passion for crop circles and beer, and finally found a way to join the two interests. The beer is brewed with barley collected from fields in which crop circles have appeared. Hmmm. This is an idea I wish that I had thought of first. It would sure beat selling Loch Ness Water (though that gives me an idea... what about a taste contest pitting Crop Circle Beer head-to-head with Nessie's Monster Mash Beer? and just for fun you might want to enter Olde Frothingslosh Pale Stale Ale into the contest as well).

One poster on ratebeer.com who's actually had a chance to taste Crop Circle Beer reports that "This is quite a sweet amber ale, but balanced just enough to keep it from being too much so - slick mouthfeel with lots of caramel malt, nut and chocolate flavors - this is pretty damn good for a gimmick beer." The Canadian Broadcasting Corp. also has an audio interview on their site with the farmer who grows the crop circle barley (the interview is 4 years old... Dudley has been trying to sell this stuff for a long time). What I found interesting was how concerned the farmer seemed about the authenticity of his crop circles. He was quite worried about the possibility of the circles not appearing in future years because that would obviously bring a quick end to the business model of Crop Circle Beer. (Thanks, Goo)

Mineralarians — If you were to stumble randomly upon the Mineralarians website, you might actually think that this extreme diet cult was real. As the site explains: "The Mineralarians are an international association of people, diverse in other respects, who share the common determination to subsist on foods of mineral origin, thereby sparing our fellow beings the victimization that has been their lot, at our hands for the last million years, and before that at the claws and jaws of previously dominant species." I like the understated comment that you arrive at further down the page: "While there is no doubt of the wholesomeness of a mineralarian diet, the same cannot be said for its taste and texture." Of course, because you're EATING ROCKS!

The site is a hoax website created by Charles Bennett. Here are two of his other creations:

• Institute of Holistic Computer Wellness: applying the principles of homeopathic medicine to computer repair.


• Minuteman Pizza: "delivering fresh hot pizza anywhere in the world in about 20 minutes."

(via BoingBoing)

Prozac in the Water? — A week or so ago reports that trace amounts of Prozac had been found in the UK's drinking water got a lot of coverage in the blogosphere. No wonder. The idea that Prozac poppers were excreting the drug into the sewers and thereby contributing to the mass medication of the entire population was creepy, to say the least. But it turns out the reports aren't quite true. It's more a case of something that theoretically could happen, rather than something that actually is happening. In a follow-up report the Guardian notes that the Environment Agency, to which the prozac-in-the-water report was originally attributed, now says that it never studied the issue, and the Drinking Water Inspectorate insists that "There is no research that shows Prozac is in water. There's no analytical data at all." (via Apothecary's Drawer)

Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute — It's common knowledge that Rutabaga Studies is one of the most exciting fields of inquiry in the world today, and at the Advanced Rutabaga Studies Institute they're on the cutting edge of it. For instance, you can peek in on their live Rutacam and witness a thrilling Rutabaga experiment in action. Also, keep up with recent developments in Rutabaga Studies, such as the anticipated launching of a giant rutabaga into geostationary orbit. And did you know that September is National Rutabaga Month? All this fascinating information about rutabagas, and I honestly don't think I've ever eaten one in my life.

Fruit Salad Trees — Why bother with having a tree in your backyard that grows just oranges, or just lemons, when you can have one tree that simultaneously grows peaches, apricots, plums, and nectarines or oranges, mandarins, lemons, limes, tangellos, grapefruit, and pomellos? What you need is a Fruit Salad Tree from the Fruit Salad Tree Company. My wife insists these have to be a joke, arguing that everyone would already have a fruit salad tree if they were really possible to buy. I, on the other hand, think they're real... maybe because I don't know much about botany. But I figure they're just grafting different types of trees together. (via About.com's urban legends forum)

Blood Food — MosNews reports that researchers at the Voronezh State Technological Academy have perfected "a method for processing blood and turning it into food products such as milk, yogurt, chocolate, and coffee." Yum. Nothing like a cup of fresh-brewed blood coffee to start the morning right. You know it's just a matter of time now before we're all living on freeze-dried packets of this stuff while Charlton Heston runs around screaming 'Soylent Green is People!'

Chicken Foot — David Emery reports on this gross-out case from Durham, North Carolina. A family bought a package of chicken tenders from the store, took it home, and discovered what appeared to be the foot of a human baby tossed in with the chicken pieces. "It's breaded, and it's already cooked," police Sgt. Maurice Hayes said. Happily, the foot turned out to be a piece of dough molded into the shape of a foot.

Gay Fuel Energy Drink — Gay Fuel is the bright pink energy drink that will get you 'Fired Up'. When I first saw this site I figured it had to be a spoof. After all, a special drink just for gays? It seems like a natural lead-in to all kinds of jokes (for instance, what happens if you drink it straight?). But after some quick research I'm quite sure that Gay Fuel is very real. It's available for purchase from a number of online vendors ($12.95 a six-pack!), and a lot of other sites discuss it. Andy Towle, the artist who designed the can for it, says that it tastes like "something between a Cosmo and a Red Bull." The whole concept of Gay Fuel seems a bit like niche marketing run amok to me, though I guess there are all kinds of products marketed exclusively towards the fundamentalist Christian community, so why not have a drink marketed exclusively towards the gay community? But it seems like not everyone in the gay community is embracing it with open arms. A gay rights activist in Portland has declared that "We are not interested in "brand loyalty" to those "brave" corporations who first bid to divest us of our money. We won't drink a Bud Light, Absolut or Gay Fuel beverage to support the commercial assimilation of our community."

Fresh Frozen French Fries — Last night I went to Outback Steakhouse and had a big plate of greasy cheese fries. At the time I didn't realize that I was actually feasting on a plate of fresh vegetables, but apparently I was because the USDA has succumbed to lobbying from the food industry and decided to reclassify frozen french fries as fresh vegetables. This seems up there with the EU's decision to reclassify carrots as a kind of fruit (yeah, I know, there was some twisted logic to the EU's decision because the Portuguese use carrots to make jam and anything you make jam out of must be a fruit... or something like that). According to the USDA's 'batter-coating rule', "rolling potato slices in a starch coating, frying them and freezing them is the equivalent of waxing a cucumber or sweetening a strawberry" (as the Sun-Sentinel puts it). I think this is a case of politics and big business coming together to fashion their own bizarre, alternative reality.

Society for the Protection of Plants — The Society for the Protection of Plants wants you to know that cutting or injuring plants in any way is Murder. So stop mowing the lawn or walking across the grass, for crying out loud. This anti-vegetarianism ad was created by Max over at Maxigumee Land. And yes, of course, it's a spoof. He has a full gallery of these anti-vegetarianism ads. (via Adrants)

Do Bakery Products Contain Human Hair? — An old article on Albalagh.net (it was new to me) describes how numerous bakery products contain an ingredient made out of human hair, and are therefore not allowed to be eaten by Muslims. The offending ingredient is the amino acid L-Cysteine, which can be made out of feathers, hooves... or yes, human hair. Back in January I linked to a story about soy sauce in China being made from human hair, so when I heard about bagels, croissants, pizza dough, etc. also containing human hair, I immediately suspected that this human-hair-in-food thing may be a bit of an urban legend. But as far as I can tell, there is some truth to it. The Shenzhen government has stated that it's looking into the soy sauce/human hair allegations. And L-cysteine can be made from human hair, as this Australian food additives guide notes. But I can't imagine human hair would provide the cheapest source of L-cysteine for commercial producers of it. Where would they be getting the hair from? Unless Supercuts is secretly supplying bulk shipments of it to the bakery industry (now there's a disgusting thought).

Hebrew Beer — Is Hebrew Beer for real? Absolutely. And it comes in two varieties: Genesis Ale and Messiah Bold. I've never seen this in my local beer store, but I'll have to look for it. When I get my hands on some I'll add a bottle of it to my rapidly growing collection of weird beers.

Paranormal Potato Chip Gallery — "Found a Nixon in your bag of Barbecued? Spotted an Elvis in your Salt 'n Vinegar?" Then send them in to the Paranormal Potato Chip Gallery. Actually, I'm not sure if the chips currently on display are real or not. Surely with finds of this magnitude they should have recorded the time, date, and place of discovery. (via Liquito)

Allied Chemical — Allied Chemical (motto: "It's a better world through chemicals") is the maker of fine food products such as Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread, Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Spread Loaf, and Farmer Fred's Happydale Ham Squeezy Spread. Oh, and they also make products for the military, but those are top secret. Definitely check out their mouth-watering recipes such as Farmer Fred's Pigriffic Pasta. Actually, Allied Chemical seems to be the faux front page for a music download service that represents independent artists.

Banana Guard — JL wants to know if Banana Guard is real or a hoax. But first, what is the Banana Guard? From the website, it's a "unique, patented device [that] allows for the safe transport and storage of individual bananas letting you enjoy perfect bananas anytime, anywhere." In other words, it stops your banana from getting bruised. It's available in a variety of colors such as Mellow Yellow and Glow in the Dark. So to answer JL's question: Yes, JL, there is a Banana Guard. It was invented by two Vancouver ER doctors, Drs. Sunil Mangal and David Agulnik, over ten years ago. Agulnik noted in a 2003 Toronto Star article about their invention that, "Many people who see this for the first time do seem to make reference to its adult toy appearance, but once they see the practicality and usefulness of the product they are eager to try it for its intended purpose."

EU bans dangerous jellies — One can always depend on EU politicians for bizarre and arbitrary decrees. First there was their decision to reclassify carrots as fruit. Now they've decided to ban jelly mini cups, recognizing them as the obvious threat to public safety that they are. Apparently they're afraid that someone might choke on the things, even though no one has ever done so in the past. File this under 'sounds like a hoax, but actually isn't.'
Update: Apparently there have been deaths attributed to these jelly mini cups. Not in Europe, but in Canada. So it seems like the European bureaucrats are vindicated.

Thorax Cake — Apparently this was made for a pumpkin carving party (Halloween, I assume), but it would work great as an April Fool's Day food prank as well. It's easily one of the most disgusting food creations I've ever seen, and yet it's just cake. (via Sore Eyes)