The Museum of Hoaxes
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Hoax Museum Blog Posts From
May 2004
Night-Vision Contact Lenses — CIO Magazine has a little blurb about these night-vision contact lenses available for a mere $300 from Phoenix Sight (scroll down to find the listing). They're powered by blinking your eyes. But actually, there is no such company as Phoenix Sight, so don't go asking your optician for these just yet. The source of this wild-eyed invention is a Design Challenge sponsored by Popular Science and Core77. The relevant entry is here. The description notes that to get the contacts to work,…
Posted: Sun May 09, 2004.   Comments (11)

Draft Registration — According to this official looking website, the military is now readying for a general draft. But wow, they're sure asking some weird questions of draftees. For instance, under the Mental Fitness Pre-Screening section, they want to know if you suffer from "NPR listenerism." But wait a second. You guessed it. It's not really a military website, despite the official-sounding URL they managed to acquire. No, it's just another gimmick to sell some t-shirts. The site is pretty…
Posted: Sat May 08, 2004.   Comments (4)

Bush Voters Have Lower IQs, Update — The Bush Voters have Lower IQ's data, which I posted about a few days ago, is getting a lot of attention now that it's been printed by the American Assembler. Their reprint of it is #3 on Blogdex. But while they're now aware that the source of the info is not IQ and the Wealth of Nations, as they originally claimed, they don't seem aware that the true source of the info appears to be a student at UMass. Scratch that. The student at UMass definitely helped disseminate the chart by…
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004.   Comments (0)

Fake Battle, Fake Casualties — The Indian Army has admitted that some battles fought last year high up on the Siachen Glacier north of Kashmir were completely fake. The reports of enemy casualties were made up, and the video footage of a Pakistani bunker being blown up was staged. The bunker actually had been built by Indian troops. The army officers apparently did all this in order to win awards for gallantry.
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004.   Comments (0)


Get That Degree You Want, Now — I had come to think I was never going to get my Ph.D., but I shouldn't have been so pessimistic. All I need to do is lower my standards a bit and sign up for one of those PhDs that Saint Regis University is practically giving away. A Georgia math teacher did, and she got a $16,000 pay raise. Or you could save even more money and get any degree you want, from any institution of higher learning, from BogusPhD.com.
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004.   Comments (0)

Diapers for Cats — Are you tired of cleaning dirty cat litter? Then "Don't change the litter. Change the cat." Get some Catch-It Diapers for Cats. Actually I had a dog that had to wear diapers for a while (really), but somehow I don't think a cat would take too kindly to these things. Which must be why Catch-It also offers a line of bandages and other first-aid supplies.
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004.   Comments (2)

Anti Mosquito Software — Are you constantly swatting away mosquitoes as you work at your computer? Here's your solution: anti-mosquito software. A Thai computer programmer named Saranyou Punyaratanabunbhu developed it about two years ago, and it proved so wildly successful that he soon came out with version 2.0, that also promised to repel cockroaches and rats. It drives away the nasty critters by making your computer speakers emit high-pitched frequencies. But does it actually work? Well, I wouldn't bet on it.…
Posted: Fri May 07, 2004.   Comments (1)

Angel Soft Baby With Gaping Wound — Here's your chance to bid on a rare collectible item: an unopened 24-pack of Angel Soft toilet paper that shows the baby sporting a gaping flesh wound. The seller suggests it's a manufacturer's misprint. Or maybe the toilet paper is cursed (the seller didn't suggest this, but he should have, since everyone knows that demonically possessed items sell like hotcakes on eBay) . It could be like those photographs in The Omen that foretold how people were going to die. Whatever it is,…
Posted: Thu May 06, 2004.   Comments (1)

Lion on the Loose in Gahanna? — Residents of Gahanna, Ohio have worriedly been following reports about a lion loose in their vicinity. Police have fanned out to search for the creature, but with no luck. Now some are beginning to suspect that the lion sightings were just a prank, perhaps engineered by local college seniors. Ohio is, of course, no stranger to non-existent wild beasts on the loose. Those with a long memory might remember the Paulding County Hyena that terrorized people back in 1858. But the greatest…
Posted: Wed May 05, 2004.   Comments (3)

Just Say No to the Whizzinator — The Whizzinator is a prosthetic penis attached to a plastic bag that you tie around your waist. Put heated urine in the bag (dehydrated urine provided), and you're all set to cheat on a drug test. Rather ingenious. But now Illinois officials are cracking down on this product. The Illinois Senate voted 56-0 to outlaw it. Meanwhile the far more morally offensive Brief Safes are still legal. What kind of upside-down world do we live in?
Posted: Wed May 05, 2004.   Comments (1)

The Lavender iPod — For a brief while, there was a chance to buy a Lavender iPod on eBay. But now the item has been pulled. Probably because lavender iPods don't exist. (via engadget)
Posted: Wed May 05, 2004.   Comments (3)

Invest In My Breast — If you're a woman who wants breast augmentation surgery, but can't afford it, then try signing up at InvestInMyBreast.com (mostly safe for work, though some nudity if you look around enough). This site connects women who want breast implants with charitable-minded people who want to help them achieve this goal. So women simply post their pictures, state why they want implants, and the donations start rolling in. Sounds great (well, actually, it sounds bizarre), but as soon as I started…
Posted: Wed May 05, 2004.   Comments (11)

Brief Safes, Faux Skid Marks — I'm filing this one in the Gross category. Shomer-Tec offers the 'brief safe.' It's a money pouch disguised as a pair of soiled underwear, complete with fake skid marks. Their ad copy states, "Leave the 'Brief Safe' in plain view in your laundry basket or washing machine at home, or in your suitcase in a hotel room - even the most hardened burgler or most curious snoop will 'skid' to a screeching halt as soon as they see them. (Wouldn't you?)" I guess the idea does make sense, but what…
Posted: Tue May 04, 2004.   Comments (2)

Alien Implant Removal — Read this question carefully: Have you ever "seen a being with huge, dark, watery-looking, almond-shaped eyes and wrinkled, gray skin? Was it wearing a skin-tight metallic body suit that lit up? Did its huge head seem out of proportion to its frail body?" If you answered yes, then you either live with this guy, or you're a possible victim of alien abduction and might be carrying around an alien implant inside of you. If it's the latter, then you're in luck. The folks over at…
Posted: Tue May 04, 2004.   Comments (1)

Bush Voters Have Lower IQs — A table that breaks down states by income, average IQ, and whether they voted for Bush or Gore has been making the rounds. It appears to show, pretty dramatically, that the states with higher average incomes, and higher average IQs, voted for Gore. Whereas the lower income, lower IQ states went for Bush. The comment accompanying this table is usually 'Come to your own conclusions," or something like that. My first thought, on seeing this, was that it's awfully similar to the Lovenstein…
Posted: Tue May 04, 2004.   Comments (55)

Little-Known Attractions of Lynchburg Virginia — I've actually been to Lynchburg, Virginia, but somehow I missed the little-known attractions that it offers, such as the Fletcher Farm Rhino, the ABC Cemetery in which all the graves are in alphabetical order, Mags the headless cat (pictured), and the world's only car that runs on Kool-Aid.
Posted: Mon May 03, 2004.   Comments (5)

Pets By Mail — If you can't make it down to the pet store, then just order a pet by mail. This seems to be an April Fool's day joke created by a Philadelphia radio station, as is revealed when you click on the 'order here' button.
Posted: Mon May 03, 2004.   Comments (3)

Micah Wright, Pseudo Army Ranger — Micah Wright is the author of You Back the Attack, We'll Bomb Who We Want, a satirical take on war propaganda. Publishers Weekly described him as a "former Army Ranger turned antiwar comic book artist." In an interview with the Washington Post in July, 2003 Wright elaborated at some length on his experience as an Army Ranger. Here's a quote from that article: He endured rigorous Ranger training, including capturing and eating a snake. He says he participated in classified combat…
Posted: Sun May 02, 2004.   Comments (5)

Updates from the War Against Terror — Here are a couple of news reports that are deeply disturbing on many different levels. First, a story from Macedonia where the police have admitted that seven Pakistani 'terrorists' they gunned down two years weren't terrorists at all. The seven men were actually completely innocent would-be immigrants who were lured to Macedonia with the promise of being granted access to Western Europe. The Macedonian police then killed them and created a phony story about how they were terrorists in…
Posted: Sun May 02, 2004.   Comments (7)

Steve Bedrosian, Website Hoaxer — I've listed the hoax website buydehydratedwater.com on this site before. But here are a few other sites to consider: Vend-a-Temp: a new solution to HR management. "With the placement of a Vend-A-Temp machine in your establishment, you will have a constant supply of competent, ready-to-work temporary employees whenever and where ever you need them." A New Identity: Just tell this company who you would like to become in the future, and they'll help you create a whole new identity for…
Posted: Sun May 02, 2004.   Comments (6)

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