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10 Extremely Bizarre And Pointless Patents
Posted: 08 May 2009 09:47 AM
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Here they are

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Posted: 08 May 2009 10:58 AM   [ # 1 ]
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Centrifugal Birthing device??!!! :lol:  :lol:  :lol:

That is wrong on soooooo many levels! (And brings to mind WAAAAAY to many funny mental pictures!0 😉

“Batter Up!  Sw-i-ng Batter!!”

THUMP!!

:lol:  :lol:  :lol:

Thanks Beast! You just made my morning! :lol:

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Posted: 08 May 2009 12:37 PM   [ # 2 ]
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“Pet Display Clothing”?  That’s what my cats think all of my clothing is.

“Hey, you don’t have big wads of my fur all over your clothing yet!  How is everybody going to know that you’re my human if you’re not properly displaying my fur?”  *rub rub rub shed shed rub*  “There, that’s better!”

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Posted: 09 May 2009 06:21 AM   [ # 3 ]
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I love numbers three and five, and I’ve been doing the ‘alternative swinging system’ since I was very small. 😉

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Posted: 09 May 2009 08:54 AM   [ # 4 ]
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Madmouse - 09 May 2009 10:21 AM

I love numbers three and five, and I’ve been doing the ‘alternative swinging system’ since I was very small. 😉

That one struck me as pretty lame. It’s almost like getting a patent on skipping. :shut:

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Posted: 09 May 2009 09:20 AM   [ # 5 ]
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Madmouse - 09 May 2009 10:21 AM

I love numbers three and five, and I’ve been doing the ‘alternative swinging system’ since I was very small. 😉

Better not tell about your swinging. You might end up having to pay for using a patented form of swinging.
And that can be a big bill since you

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Posted: 13 June 2009 04:02 PM   [ # 6 ]
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Here are a few more called:  Patently Absurd!  http://www.patent.freeserve.co.uk/morepats.html
There are, of course, pictures but these go a little to the left of what the thread first provided to those a bit more risque etc. 

Here are a few (you’ll need the link to see the images.

UK Patent Application No. GB2289222. A fart collecting device. It comprises a gas-tight collecting tube 10 for insertion into the rectum of the subject. The tube 10 is connected to a gas-tight collecting bag (not shown). The end of the tube inserted into the subject is apertured and covered with a gauze filter and a gas permeable bladder 28.    Patent drawing: GB2289222

Patent drawing: GB2221607   UK Patent Application No. GB2221607. A glove for courting couples who wish to maintain palm-to-palm contact while holding hands. It has a common palm section, but two separate sets of fingers.
Patent drawing: GB2272154

UK Patent Application No. GB2272154. A ladder to enable spiders to climb out of a bath. It comprises a thin flexible latex rubber strip which follows the inner contours of the bath. A suction pad 5 is attached to the top edge of the bath.

UK Patent Application No. GB2283412. A chair for coition. Provides support for two people, one astride the other. In one preferred form, the seat vibrates.    Patent drawing: GB2283412

Patent drawing: GB2060081   UK Patent Application No. GB2060081. A horse-powered minibus. The horse walks along an endless conveyor belt treadmill in the middle of the bus. This drives the wheels via a gearbox. A thermometer under the horse’s collar is connected to the vehicle instrument panel. The driver can signal to the horse using a handle, which brings a mop into contact with the horse.

UK Patent Application No. GB2172200. An umbrella for wear on the head. The support frame is designed so as not to mess up the wearer’s hair.
Such umbrellas are apparently on the market, but it’s uncertain whether they are constructed according to the patent application.
  Patent drawing: GB2172200

Patent drawing: GB2301524   UK Patent Application No. GB2301524. A “Contoured Ulterior Pouch” (CUP). The cup W hides and augments a man’s scrotum, but has an opening O leaving his penis P free.

“From time immemorial,” says the inventor, “an integral element of the male psyche has been his awareness of the presence or absence of pronounced manly form in his loins. What man not generously blessed by nature, would not wish for the carefree confidence of his more robustly equipped fellows who suffer no modesty when their manly form naturally draws envious glances.”

UK Patent Application No. GB2267208. A portable seat which you wear on a waist-belt. The seat cushion 18 is pivotable between a stowed position (left drawing) and a seating position in which it hangs down so that you can sit on it (right drawing).    Patent drawing: GB2267208

Patent drawing: GB2251542   UK Patent Application No. GB2251542. An ashtray which warns you to quit smoking. When you pick up the box of matches 5 from the holder 2, light passes through a hole 14 to a photocell. This activates an audible warning device.

UK Patent Application No. GB2339950. A car registration plate which indicates the sex of the driver. It has different background colours on either side, one colour for men and one for women. Quick-release clips make it easily reversible.

The inventor says that since the plate makes the driver’s sex immediately apparent, other road users will change the way they behave. They will become more polite, and predict better the behaviour of other drivers. The frequency and severity of traffic accidents will be reduced.
  Patent drawing: GB2339950

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Posted: 14 June 2009 08:52 AM   [ # 7 ]
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A motorized ice cream cone??  Seriously, why waste all that space with a motor when you could fill it up with ice cream?

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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:25 AM   [ # 8 ]
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gray - 14 June 2009 12:52 PM

A motorized ice cream cone??  Seriously, why waste all that space with a motor when you could fill it up with ice cream?

Because it’s The American Way?

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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:29 AM   [ # 9 ]
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Patent drawing: GB2301524   UK Patent Application No. GB2301524. A “Contoured Ulterior Pouch” (CUP). The cup W hides and augments a man’s scrotum, but has an opening O leaving his penis P free.

“From time immemorial,” says the inventor, “an integral element of the male psyche has been his awareness of the presence or absence of pronounced manly form in his loins. What man not generously blessed by nature, would not wish for the carefree confidence of his more robustly equipped fellows who suffer no modesty when their manly form naturally draws envious glances.”

Ummm…
:lol:
This guy isn’t normal, right?

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2-15-15 9-19 1 19-16-15-18-11 7-15-4-4-5-19-19 15-6 13-9-7-8-20
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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:39 AM   [ # 10 ]
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Boo - 14 June 2009 01:29 PM

Ummm…
:lol:
This guy isn’t normal, right?

Maybe.  Or maybe not.

😉

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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:47 AM   [ # 11 ]
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Boo - 14 June 2009 01:29 PM

Patent drawing: GB2301524   UK Patent Application No. GB2301524. A “Contoured Ulterior Pouch” (CUP). The cup W hides and augments a man’s scrotum, but has an opening O leaving his penis P free.

“From time immemorial,” says the inventor, “an integral element of the male psyche has been his awareness of the presence or absence of pronounced manly form in his loins. What man not generously blessed by nature, would not wish for the carefree confidence of his more robustly equipped fellows who suffer no modesty when their manly form naturally draws envious glances.”

Ummm…
:lol:
This guy isn’t normal, right?

See the crotch? And this is small one. The “extentions” could be really big in some of those iron pants.

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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:50 AM   [ # 12 ]
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:lol:
Yeah, but the fashion for codpieces seems to have rather faltered in the last hundred years or so.
I dunno, he just seems rather aware of other men’s genitalia.

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2-15-15 9-19 1 19-16-15-18-11 7-15-4-4-5-19-19 15-6 13-9-7-8-20
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“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years! Indeed it has. And then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became medicine. And the rest of it’s just a nice bowl of soup and some pot pourri.” - Dara O’Briain

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Posted: 14 June 2009 09:53 AM   [ # 13 ]
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Boo - 14 June 2009 01:50 PM

:lol:
Yeah, but the fashion for codpieces seems to have rather faltered in the last hundred years or so.

I think that egos have led to an abandonment of the codpieces in favour of tunapieces, then tarponpieces, then great white sharkpieces.  Currently megalodonpieces and basking sharkpieces are vying for fashion popularity; only time shall tell which will prevail.

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Posted: 14 June 2009 10:48 AM   [ # 14 ]
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ok.

Sharkpieces.

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Posted: 14 June 2009 11:46 AM   [ # 15 ]
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I’m reminded of a scene from Blackadder, in which the title character decides to show up at his brother’s important event dressed in the most apalling way possible, including a shiny spanish helm, and ‘the black russian’, a hilariously ... priapic… codpiece.

As to the motorized ice cream cones… someone makes them! http://www.hogwildtoys.com/homeandcastle.html#motoricecream They also have motorized pasta forks (which is a different old patent!) as well as a buncha other silly stuff. The Moo Mixers (for making chocolate milk and other drinks) sold exceptionally well at christmas time in the art store I worked for.

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Posted: 14 June 2009 12:05 PM   [ # 16 ]
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Ah yes. The episode were Blackie was supposed to marry La Infanta* of Spain, which he tries to avoid by doing an impression of the Earl of Dungcaster.
And ends up reading bedtime stories to his very very underage new spouse.

[size=1]*The first born daughter of the king of Spain is always called La Infanta (The Daughter), like his first born son is El Principe de Asturias. She will keep that name till the day she dies. She is never adressed or called Princess. She is simply Your Highness when you adress her.And she might be older then the first bporn son, she

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