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Healthy Level of Insanity!
Posted: 12 August 2005 08:21 AM   [ Ignore ]
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HoW To KeEp A HeaLthY LeVel Of iNsAniTy aNd dRiVe OtHeR PeOple iNsAne!
1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car and point your hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom.  Don’t disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e-mail address be:  .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage you colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions,
switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write “for sexual favors.”

10. Reply to everything someone says with, “That’s what you think.”

11. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area.  Insist to others that you like it that way.

12. Finish all your sentences with “In accordance with the prophecy.”

13. dontuseanypunctuationorspaces

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does.  (This is especially effective if your boss is the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them where you’re going.  For example: If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the bathroom.

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.

23. Hum when you ride an elevator.

      ....AnD tHe FiNaL wAy tO aNnOy PeOpLe:
24. Send this to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you.

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If you can’t handle someone at their worst,

You don’t deserve them at their best.

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Posted: 12 August 2005 08:23 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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LOL
I especially liked 2, 12 and 20.

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2-15-15 9-19 1 19-16-15-18-11 7-15-4-4-5-19-19 15-6 13-9-7-8-20
Turnip Boris Yeltsin frog juggling doormat termite lizard

“Herbal medicine’s been around for thousands of years! Indeed it has. And then we tested it all, and the stuff that worked became medicine. And the rest of it’s just a nice bowl of soup and some pot pourri.” - Dara O’Briain

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Posted: 12 August 2005 10:26 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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I’m already doing 9.  My favorites not on the list -

A) Stand just inside the elevator doors facing inward.  Try to make and keep eye contact. 

B) Just as the door is closing push the button to open it again.  Wait a few seconds, nod, then let the doors close.  Ask the non-existant person next to you “What took you so long?”

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Heaven must be really boring, if you think about it logically.
All the angels must be snoring.  Who could stand perfection for eternity?

Not me. - George Hrab

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Posted: 12 August 2005 10:40 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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In the memo field of all your checks, write

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Posted: 12 August 2005 11:08 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Steph, I was sort of the recipient of that type of thing!

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Posted: 12 August 2005 04:59 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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dontuseanypunctuationorspaces-The Romans did this.  They also played a mean game of musical chairs.

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Soldier: This is the worst part. The calm before the battle.
Fry: And then the battle is not so bad?
Soldier: Oh, right. I forgot about the battle.

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Posted: 13 August 2005 01:54 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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I need to do 5, 6 and 7…actually, I already suffer from 7…

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Remember, a Dragon is for life!

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Posted: 13 August 2005 02:24 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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I don’t blame you. Staplers are dangerous things, S.

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Posted: 14 August 2005 08:02 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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I do 16 all the time, but not on purpose.  Just out of habit, “I’d like a large coke, and cheeseburger, to go, thanks.”

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I’m loving the puppies.

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Posted: 15 August 2005 06:46 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 9 ]
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Maegan - 14 August 2005 12:02 PM

I do 16 all the time, but not on purpose.  Just out of habit, “I’d like a large coke, and cheeseburger, to go, thanks.”

So next time Maeg order your “Large coke, and cheeseburger, at the drive-thru… “to stay.”

cheese

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Canadian Bacon Rules !!!

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Posted: 30 September 2005 02:23 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 10 ]
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More office stuff:

ONE-POINT DARES
1. Run one lap around the office at top speed
2. Groan out loud in the toilet cubicle (at least one other ‘non-player’ must be in the toilet at the time).
3. Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.
4. Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name and say, “Just called to say I can’t talk right now. Bye.”
5. To signal the end of a conversation, clamp your hands over your head.
6. When someone hands you a piece of paper, finger it, and whisper huskily, “Mmmmmmm, that feels soooooo good!”
7. Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way”.
8. Walk sideways to the photocopier.
9. While riding in a lift, gasp dramatically every time the doors open.

THREE-POINTS DARES

1. Say to your boss, “I like your style” and shoot him with double-barrelled fingers.
2. Babble incoherently at a fellow employee then ask, “Did you get all that, I don’t want to have to repeat it”.
3. Kneel in front of the water cooler and drink directly from the nozzle (there must be a ‘non-player’ within sight).
4. Shout random numbers while someone is counting.

FIVE POINT DARES

1. At the end of a meeting, suggest that, for once, it would be nice to conclude with the singing of the national anthem (extra points if you actually launch into it yourself).
2. Walk into a very busy person’s office and while they watch you with growing irritation, turn the light switch on/off 10 times.
3. For an hour, refer to everyone you speak to as “Bob”.
4. Announce to everyone in a meeting that you “really have to go do a number two”.
5. After every sentence, say ‘mon’ in a really bad Jamaican accent.
As in: “the report’s on your desk, mon”. Keep this up for one hour.
6. While an office mate is out, move their chair into the lift.
7. In a meeting or crowded situation, slap your forehead repeatedly and mutter, “Shut up, damn it, all of you just shut up!”
8. At lunchtime, get down on your knees and announce, “As God is my witness, I’ll never go hungry again.”
9. In a colleague’s diary, write in 10am: “See how I look in tights”.
10. Carry your keyboard over to your colleague and ask “You wanna trade?”
11. Repeat the following conversation 10 times to the same person:
“Do you hear that?” “What?” “Never mind, it’s gone now”.
12. Come to work in army fatigues and when asked why, say, “I can’t talk about it”.
13. Posing as a maitre d’, call a colleague and tell him he’s won a lunch for four at a local restaurant. Let him go.
14. Speak with an accent (French, German, Porky Pig, etc) during a very important conference call.
15. Find the vacuum and start vacuuming around your desk.
16. Hang a two-foot long piece of toilet roll from the back of your pants and act genuinely surprised when someone points it out.
17. Present meeting attendees with a cup of coffee and biscuit, smash each biscuit with your fist.
18. During the course of a meeting, slowly edge your chair towards the door.
19. Arrange toy figures on the table to represent each meeting attendee, move them according to the movements of their real-life counterparts.

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Posted: 30 September 2005 02:25 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 11 ]
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And some non-office stuff:

1. Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
2. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.
3. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
4. Have your co-workers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.
5. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream “I Won! I Won! 3rd time this week!!!”
6. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”

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Remember, a Dragon is for life!

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