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Bad Jokes
Posted: 19 February 2009 02:47 PM   [ Ignore ]
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Why does Jesus hate M&M’s?

                            Because they fail through the holes in his hands!

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If you want to tell the people the tell you better make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you
Oscar Wilde

 

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Posted: 19 February 2009 03:36 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 1 ]
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I’m not sure why I failed to laugh.  wink

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Space…..it seems to go on and on forever, but then you get to the end and the gorrilla starts throwing barrels at you. - Phlip J. Fry

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Posted: 19 February 2009 03:55 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 2 ]
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Mad Jack was nobody’s fool
Sittin’ in back keepin’ cool
The kids ran out as Jack passed by
Throwin’ mints with a twinkle in his eye

(sorry your name just made me think of this smile
I won’t post the whole song. )

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Smerk the cutest dragon
Lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist
In Western Australi

Little Accipiter loved that girl enough
He told her jokes and crazy facts
And other forum stuff

Smerk the cutest dragon:
Traveled cross the sea,
To hunt her prey in foriegn lands,
And snuggle with Acci!

Smerk the cutest dragon
Is getting married now they say
Though little Accipiter
Has yet to name the day.

http://www.veshearman.com/

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Posted: 19 February 2009 04:08 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 3 ]
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Sharruma - 19 February 2009 08:55 PM

Mad Jack was nobody’s fool
Sittin’ in back keepin’ cool
The kids ran out as Jack passed by
Throwin’ mints with a twinkle in his eye

(sorry your name just made me think of this smile
I won’t post the whole song. )

Is that a song about paedophilia?

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“We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilisation.”
- Voltaire

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Posted: 19 February 2009 04:17 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 4 ]
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Juan and Diego have just arrived in America for the first time, and have decided to visit the famous sunny beaches of Florida.  They don’t like the traffic on the highways, though, so they decide to take the back roads instead.

As they drive along the deserted road, they pass a man who is standing beside a car at the side of the road with smoke coming up from its engine.  He is waving his arms vigourously at them, so they wave back as they drive by.

A short while later, they pass another car pulled onto the side of the road.  This one has two flat tires, and again the driver is standing by the road waving his arms.  So again Juan and Diego wave back as they pass by.

After another bit of driving they pass a car that is upside-down at the side of the road.  There are several people standing around it, and when they see Juan and Diego they all start waving their arms and jumping up and down.  So Juan and Diego again wave and smile and shout hello as they pass by.

“Americans sure are friendly!” comments Diego.  “I wonder if we’re on the right road to the beaches, though?  Perhaps we should have asked some of those people.”

“No need!” replied Juan.  “Those people already told us we’re on the right road.”

“They did?  When?”

“As we drove by waving, I heard them all shouting ‘Sunny beaches!  Sunny beaches!’ to us!”

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“If any man wish to write in a clear style, let him be first clear in his thoughts.”

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Posted: 19 February 2009 04:41 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 5 ]
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A priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street.
When a little boy walks by.  The priest nudges the Rabbi and
says, “We should f**k him.”
The Rabbi replies, “F**k him out of what?”


Sorry, I know that was Baaaad!

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If you want to tell the people the tell you better make them laugh, otherwise they’ll kill you
Oscar Wilde

 

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Posted: 20 February 2009 01:04 AM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 6 ]
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Renquist - 19 February 2009 09:08 PM
Sharruma - 19 February 2009 08:55 PM

Mad Jack was nobody’s fool
Sittin’ in back keepin’ cool
The kids ran out as Jack passed by
Throwin’ mints with a twinkle in his eye

(sorry your name just made me think of this smile
I won’t post the whole song. )

Is that a song about paedophilia?

hmm, no
It’s about a race.

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Smerk the cutest dragon
Lived by the sea
And frolicked in the autumn mist
In Western Australi

Little Accipiter loved that girl enough
He told her jokes and crazy facts
And other forum stuff

Smerk the cutest dragon:
Traveled cross the sea,
To hunt her prey in foriegn lands,
And snuggle with Acci!

Smerk the cutest dragon
Is getting married now they say
Though little Accipiter
Has yet to name the day.

http://www.veshearman.com/

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Posted: 20 February 2009 11:48 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 7 ]
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A young boy is walking along the pavement one day when he comes across a discarded welders helmet in the gutter. He puts it on and finds a stick and walks along waving the stick and pretending to be Darth Vader.

Just then a van pulls up and a pretty rough looking guys asks the boy if he

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“I have CDO. Its like OCD, but in alphabetical order, LIKE IT SHOULD BE!!”

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Posted: 23 February 2009 11:36 PM   [ Ignore ]   [ # 8 ]
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*raises hand*  I’ve got some. *STEALS FROM INTERNET! GASP!*

What did the hobo get for Christmas?
Nothing.


How are a plum and a rabbit alike?
They’re both purple, except for the rabbit.


Q: What’s the difference between a Jew and a pizza?
A: One is an edible substance and the other is a person who believes in Judaism.


Q: Why was six afraid of seven?
A: It wasn’t. Numbers are not sentient and thus are incapable of feeling fear.


There’s an Irishman, a homosexual, and a Jew standing at a bar. What a fine example of an integrated community.


Your momma’s so fat, she eats too much and doesn’t get proper exercise.


Three men walk into a bar. They’re all alcoholics, and they beat their wives.


Q: How do you know it’s bed time at Michael Jaskson’s house?
A: When Michael Jackson is tired.


Q: What’s a pirate’s favorite element on the periodic table?
A: Carbon, because it forms the backbones of many energy rich sugars.


Ok I’ll stop now…

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“You know, if you watch Jaws backwards, it

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