Most likely not from this source but friggin funny anyway.
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had it’s two sides gently compressed by a thigh master.
2. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of the boxes with a pinhole in it.
3. She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli and he was room temperature prime beef.
4. She has a deep, throaty, genuine laugh like the sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
5. Her vocabulary was as bad as like, whatever.
6. He was a tall as a six foot three inch tree.
7. The revelation that his marriage of thirty years had disintegrated due to his wife’s infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formally surcharge free ATM.
8. The litte boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.
9. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a shopping bag full of vegetable soup.
10. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality like you’re on holiday in another city and Sex in the City comes on at 9pm instead of 9:30om.
11. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
12. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot oil.
13. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
14. Even in his last years Grandad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long it had rusted shut.
15. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan might just work.
16. The young fighter had a hungry look, like kind you get from not eating for a while.
17. “Oh Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a Uni student on $1-a-beer night.
18. He was a lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame. Maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
19. The ballerina rose gracefully en pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
20. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, like a rubbish truck backing up.
21. She was as easy as the TV guide crossword.
22. She walked into my office like a centipede missing 98 legs.
23. It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
The duck one if my fave!